Mocking/picking on "Pickmeishas" is like making fun of the victim for her internalised misogyny. Let's not do that.

turquoiseblues · 2020-01-27T02:37:06+00:00

Many of us are recovering Pickmeishas ourselves, so we have a lot of empathy and compassion. No need to feel ashamed. It’s the awful men who should be ashamed.

Parking-Act · 2020-01-27T08:48:00+00:00

I find that being as blunt as possible while always reminding the person they can do better or are complete royalty helps keep my intentions clear although sometimes I know its coming across as harsh and I let it remain that way because I only WISH someone would have to me the honest truth about my situation and behavior! And other times since I'm recovering and learning so fast I do feel ABOVE it all like "wow how could she make that rookie mistake!" as if I wasn't making those same mistakes not long ago. So, it's tough. I am constantly monitering myself, my approach and observation of other women and my personal improvement!

Lordperuchan · 2020-01-27T07:35:37+00:00

Sometimes I think this sub's weird obsession with shaming pickmeisha behaviours is driven by a messiah complex rather than by having pickmeishas' best interests at heart

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-01-27T16:24:53+00:00

I see where you're coming from, but what I take is we are mocking the behavior, not the person. I think we all are recovering PickMes in some small way. I think a good analogy would be the "angel and devil" on one's shoulders. Angel = FDS/Self-respect/avoiding destructive behavior for male attention, devil = societal lies/instant gratification (male attention)/lack of self-respect. To be honest, I think it is fair to criticize behavior of ultra-pickmes who actively harm other women by encouraging them to settle and tolerate abusive/crappy/underperforming behavior from men. I wish any and all PickMes lurking to join this sub-- I will welcome them with open arms. <3

topumasum · 2020-01-27T18:46:34+00:00

[deleted]

ThinkTofu · 2020-01-27T03:19:53+00:00

I think you're absolutely right.

FDS seems to have two faces.

Face number 1 seems to be about doing right by yourself, and doing right by your fellow woman or by womankind. Uplifting each other, not shaming each other. Showing women the truth, and leading by example.

Face number 2 is this attitude of "it's us versus them" with pickmes, and we act like middle school bullies. I've found this very hypocrital considering the reasons that FDS steers away from pickmes--one of which being that they bash other women for being who they wish to be.

As well, the Pickme paradigm is nearly synonymous with Codependence, which is an insidious psychological issue that is most often associated with women. It is debilitating, and most women who are codependent have no idea and don't even know what codependent means.

It's a huge problem for women and they really are not taught about it, or how too avoid it. They are even actively encouraged to exhibit codependent traits.

It's just sad. And as the more empathetic and rational gender, we should be trying to be leaders rather than bullies.

GrungeAudrey · 2020-01-27T19:14:08+00:00

I find this place to be refreshing precisely because we can rant and be "tough love" freely. As women we are always policing ourselves to be soft and avoid hurting sensitivities - and that expectation comes from other women too.

Some women feel entitled to other women's emotional labour. You have only one choice: contribute to their mental gymnastics otherwise you're being "unfriendly". And they even low-key disrespect the community by not following the rules.

I also think the problem stems from the term "Pickme" itself. It covers a huge spectrum from those with internalized misoginy to those that encourage it, embrace it and perpetuate it. There is huge difference between a woman that made a tiny mistake on a date to a woman that lets her poedo husband rape her children. I have no sympathy for the latter.

I think your concern is valid and something to pay attention to from now on, but I see no current signs of this place becoming uncompassionate or unsupportive, at least not for now. I've seen many messages encouraging transition as well.

Title	Mocking/picking on "Pickmeishas" is like making fun of the victim for her internalised misogyny. Let's not do that.
Author	topumasum
Upvotes	65
Comments	14
Date	January 26, 2020 5:14 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eu9gv7/mockingpicking_on_pickmeishas_is_like_making_fun/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/mockingpicking-on-pickmeishas-is-like-making-fun.683947 https://theredarchive.com/post/683947

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