My issues are rearing their ugly head

heavenlycaterpiller · 2020-02-01T06:46:41+00:00

Lmaooooo the STATE of the world when men are in bars so women will buy them drinks. I know you’re hurting honey and I’m sorry. Don’t blame yourself, the fact that you feel things is normal when we’ve let someone into our hearts. But oh my god I HOWLED when I read he wanted her to buy him a drink. These dudes really are reading out of some loser playbook. Also if your friend falls for that shit she’s a pickme fool and a bad friend.

Scotsburd · 2020-02-01T08:11:38+00:00

She's buying him a drink? You should feel bad for her that she's so desperate for male approval that she'll even entertain him. You made it out, feel proud of that.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2020-02-01T14:53:11+00:00

He introduced female competitors and it’s meant to trigger jealousy in you.

Hang on. I gotta get off mobile for this.

Edit. Okay. Off mobile.

Umm. In his books "Feeling Good - the new mood therapy" and "When panic attacks", Dr. David Burns describes the cognitive distortions which fuel twisted thinking and cause depression, anxiety, panic attacks, insecurity, loss of self-esteem, obsessive compulsive thinking, and other psychological vulnerabilities like eating disorders and addictions.

He describes and teaches you how to identify your psychological vulnerabilities, and how to work on strengthening those areas to make yourself feel better, harbor healthier thinking patterns, and become more resilient to the psychological vulnerabilities which defeat you. I've read his books over 5 times from cover to cover in audiobook format and I see a major psychological vulnerability in you: Jealousy. He dated you for 4.5 years. That's a long time for him to figure out what your vulnerabilities are. He's now in a position to use them against you. He's nitpicking at your tendency towards jealousy by having your "friend" text you at the bar because he already knew it would upset you and trigger intense negative emotions. You probably trusted him with this information at some point, verbally or non-verbally with your body language and reactions to certain cues during the relationship. The girl he had text you probably has this vulnerability too and he's pitting her against you to trigger a rat race for his affections. Two insecure jealous women battling to the emotional death for his time and love is the scenario he's setting up for himself so he can reap the benefits of having two women chase and pine after him. Whenever one girl demands better treatment or any type of increased investment from him, he'll run straight to the other, punishing the original girl for daring to have standards.

Think of it like a hacker. He's a psychological /emotional hacker looking to exploit your vulnerabilities so he can accomplish his goals. He may be looking to make you suffer or "punish" you for a real or imagined slight, or he may be looking to control you by exploiting your psychological/emotional vulnerabilities. You CAN control people by figuring out their psychological weak points and using those to whip them behaviorally into a place where they're doing (or not doing) exactly what you want, and it's scary.

what can you do? Learn.

Learn.

Learn your psychological vulnerabilities and emotional weaknesses and figure out how to identify when someone else is trying to use them to exploit you for their own self-interests. Learn how to defeat your cognitive distortions and how to modify your self-defeating beliefs. You can do this. I recommend Dr. Burns' books and I recommend you learn as much as possible about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and I recommend you also go to therapy. There's also a book by Lundy Bancroft called "Why does he do that" that i want you to read. This man was able to waste 4.5 years of your time and convince you to put up with his bullshit. Is he older than you? He seems to be a more experienced manipulator and he seems to know what he's doing. Don't worry. He's no genius and there are words which describe his strategies and actions and there are counterstrategies and counteractions. With the right psychological training, you can turn the tables on him, control the situation, make him do all the work, and still walk away the winner in the end. It's literally a mindfuck.

CuriousCatNYC777 · 2020-02-01T15:12:01+00:00

The reason you feel this way is because of your heavy sunk cost.

It’s not about other women.

There’s a reason why almost every ancient culture in the world requires heavy investment on the part of a man before spending years with a woman.

Next time, make sure the guy your with is investing in you heavily so you don’t feel like this after it ends. You were left empty handed and robbed of many years of your youth.

logician01 · 2020-02-01T13:58:20+00:00

I wonder what it is exactly... do you wish his stinky ass was begging YOU to buy him a drink instead 😂 Drunk mother fucking loser. I think your friend is lightly making fun of you with “you dated THIS?!” And perhaps stopped responding when you couldn’t see the sarcasm?

AyemHerself · 2020-02-01T14:58:46+00:00

He is a complete LVM. He makes no effort at all in life. He currently lives in his van. He drinks too much. And he is soooooo boring.

And your friend wants to buy that a drink and entertain him? Let her. It's her mistake to make.

Title	My issues are rearing their ugly head
Author	sealife67
Upvotes	24
Comments	16
Date	February 1, 2020 6:38 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ex25cb/my_issues_are_rearing_their_ugly_head/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/my-issues-are-rearing-their-ugly-head.683555 https://theredarchive.com/post/683555

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