Need advice for my sister!

shedipity · 2021-10-29T05:08:06+00:00

I need to convince her to read the handbook, but at the end of the day, there’s only so much I can tell / show her before she decides to put herself first. With our own mother saying it’s fine to move in with a bf, there’s not much I can do. It’s just hard when it’s your sister because you want the best for them and would hate to see them get used and abused.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-10-29T05:32:12+00:00

I just went through this with my little sister. She was seeing this guy at the start of COVID before they kind of broke up but stayed FWB because they didn't want to break up their social pod, then broke up for real before falling back into FWB. Then he took this other woman out on a date (and went all out, which he'd never done for my sister) but literally right after the date went and slept with my sister again. I told her to throw the whole man out if he doesn't spark joy. She's still "giving him a chance" and "wants to stay friends." 😔

Anyway. Unfortunately, they're adults and most of us need to learn by painful experience. The best we can do is remain in contact with boundaries around what we'll talk about with them and hope one day they start to realize men aren't worth the heartache.

shedipity · 2021-10-29T05:48:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

bonghits4jess · 2021-10-29T05:45:29+00:00

Honestly the more you try to convince them, the more they double down on the pick me behavior. With friends like that, I adopt an “if you like it, I love it” mindset if I know they aren’t receptive. I kinda just let them vent and smile and nod and agree with everything they say/do. If you’re not capable of emotionally detaching enough to take this approach, then I would just tell her nicely that you don’t want to discuss her relationship because you both have very different views on dating in general but that you hope she is happy and wish her the best of luck. Keep this boundary firm and refuse to discuss him unless she comes to you asking for help with an exit strategy.

If I see my friends voice their frustration in a way that is leading them towards an FDS mindset I am a little bit more vocal with calling out verbal abuse, manipulation tactics he’s using on her, pointing out behaviors that seem jealous, possessive, or controlling and plant FDS seeds where I can. You can amp this up once she moves in with him and sees the reality of cohabitating with a man. It sounds peachy right now to her because she hadn’t experienced it yet, and unfortunately some people need to learn the hard way.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2021-10-29T05:38:16+00:00

I’m hoping that you lovely ladies will give me some good things that I could say to her to change her mind. I want the best for her in future relationships!!

It doesn't matter how well intentioned or pure your motives are. This is going to sound messed up, but you won't be able to change her mind. Her life is her's to live, and she is entitled to her own choices AND her own mistakes.

she's going to move in with him. There's not much you can do to change her mind or dissuade her from it. All you can do is voice your opinion, respectfully, and hope she listens.

If she doesn't "listen", you need to be a supportive friend to her and be there for her when her boyfriend fails and dissapoints her.

Title	Need advice for my sister!
Author	shedipity
Upvotes	12
Comments	19
Date	October 29, 2021 4:41 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qi4v2y/need_advice_for_my_sister/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/need-advice-for-my-sister.1081213 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081213

Comments