Hi,

I'm new to the community and have been reading. Regrettably, I'm the other girl. The "connection" I felt I had with this person seems so much more complicated. I don't know if people know what this feels like and wouldn't mind bringing this home in a way where the complexity can be unravelled instead of it all being simplified. But I feel stuck bc I feel/felt like the person I knew cares but " can't" follow through because of his commitment. Thats at least what he has been telling me..... and i half believe it.

I know its wrong.. I know I should have just walked away once it was revealed. I just feel so melded to him on a personal level. I can't break. I know the people in this community who have been hurt might retaliate on me from this post, but its worth a shot because he manipulated me too. And I dont know how to heal now. I'm sorry to the woman he is married to.

He said initially that he was in an "open marriage", that it was consensual in their vows and blahblah. I said no thanks then. But over time, and being in such close proximity to each other and going through a lot of hard things in the environment we were in, things felt real and I fell in love. Surprise. He wasnt in an open marriage. He made a dual life. Everything spilled out. Guts everywhere. this is a guy who was meek and sensitive and really made it out that he was emotionally unwell and having a breakdown once it was revealed. Leading up to the grand reveal in his lies he even threw his wedding ring away in front of me into a forest. Visited a friend with a new baby in the hospital and he said I was " the only one he could see himself doing that with". He burrowed in to my deepest biological clock and longing. I believed. :(

He and I made an agreement not to talk for a year. He left. He moved to a different city with his wife. Restarted his life with her. Doing everything I wanted to do with him. His work Perfectly aligns with my dreams. Perfectly. And its very specific dreams which really gets under my skin. He came back into my life and wants to be friends. Told me he still loves me and wanted to do everything with me but he cant. He made commitments.

Please help me rehabilitate. I know I'm a piece of shit because i betrayed his wife most of all. I should have just shut the door in his face. My heart just feels so tied to him. I didn't think this person would ever leave my life after I found them. I wish I'd stayed friends with him from the start with my initial boundaries so that never happened to anyone. This ... is probably simple and typical from the outside, but im really looped in the feeling that it is complex. And that I will always care for this person.

Their actions scream that they lied about their love. But they repeat that they didn't lie about it even to this day. I didn't ever lie. I loved him.