Need help with dating a guy that's "too interesting"

idiosyncraticg1 · 2019-12-08T18:09:50+00:00

That’s what’s called a healthy relationship. You’re probably used to guys being rude when you don’t answer to show you who’s boss, or sulking all weekend because of you. But this guy has his own life. In a way, yes, you’re another adventure, but he’s your adventure as well. You found a guy who is secure in himself. Don’t dump.

Question for you: what did you expect him to do all weekend when you weren’t answering him? How do you know that he’s not upset on the inside?

stillcantsee · 2019-12-08T18:02:42+00:00

This sounds like low self esteem on your end, sis. Why are you comparing a seemingly quality person to the chumps you put up with in the past? Where are the things that make you interesting?

Myaayu · 2019-12-08T18:12:55+00:00

Oh man I’ve been in this position, it feels weirdly isolating because like. How do you complain to people that someone is just.... too high quality?

I think these feelings ultimately stem from a place of self-doubt. “Am I his equal? What does he see in me? Why wouldn’t he choose someone who was more into swordfighting/beekeeping/blood spatter analyst/whatever?” And I think some of those thoughts may stem from the fact you just don’t have a lot in common. If you were also a trilingual, professional harp player who rock climbs in her spare time then you can at least talk to him on more than a surface level about these issues. But by not really participating in these activities you feel isolated from his life and like an outsider peering in, which contributes to the feeling that you’re just another passing whimsy in his life.

So, what do you do? First off make sure that you don’t get caught in the thought process that you’re not good enough for him because you are. Everyone deserves an amazing SO. Second, assess how much you need in common with your partner to feel comfortable that they’re a good match. If you have nothing in common with this dude ask yourself how much you’re willing to devote to these interests for you to have common ground, and vice versa on his part. Some people love when their partner has nothing in common with them because it enables them to explore things that they would otherwise discount. Some people want a copy and paste of themselves. It’s your call and this may be a good chance for you to explore what that line is for you.

butterflymeadowzz · 2019-12-08T18:08:00+00:00

I would say that you know yourself best, and if you know that you are a more laid-back type that may do some light traveling but is not always participating in some kind of spectacular endeavor, then I would say start looking elsewhere. Especially if it’s making you feel less than.

Try to have a backup ready before you dump him using FDS, if you’d like.

On the other hand, if you are feeling somewhat insecure or just questioning your own self because you find that your interests may not be as varied, but he treats you very well and seems to be willing to take you with him on these things, then why not give it a chance? Providing that he is good to you and he’s doing what he needs to do. Sometimes, we need someone to shake us up out of our comfort zone and we realize are much happier after.

But don’t try to enjoy something and don’t force yourself into anything that you don’t want to do. If you know you’re not interested in any of that stuff, then that’s your answer.

It all goes back to my original point of knowing yourself and what you want.

If he seems flighty, like you’re another conquest to him, drop him.

Edit: Did he not ask you to go out with him because he knew you were not interested?

Ms_Tilly · 2019-12-08T18:09:08+00:00

But is he including you in any of these activities? I would LOVE someone to help me do even more with my social life. If he's not, that's definitely a problem. If he's all "look at me and how much I'm enjoying life", but has no interest in including you, then he is low value as a partner.

mephitmpH · 2019-12-08T20:55:10+00:00

If you’re part of the adventure then why aren’t you out there with him adventuring?!? Ask him about sword fighting, tell him to take you spelunking. That way, if it does fold, then you’ll have interesting things to talk about. Good luck and have fun girl!

AutoModerator · 2019-12-08T17:43:48+00:00

NOTE: This sub does NOT support the commercial porn industry, as it is an institution that promotes and normalizes sexual aggression, incest, pedophilia, violence, racism, degradation, low sexual satisfaction, and objectification of women and girls, many of whom have been drugged, raped, misled, trafficked and otherwise coerced to appear on film. That being said, we understand that although they are few and far between, porn can be produced in a way that emphasizes respect, consent, appreciation, and focused on the true sexual satisfaction of women. We encourage sub users who watch porn to use it responsibly.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Blackishcat27 · 2019-12-09T00:24:36+00:00

I honestly wouldn't worry about that. I'm really adventurous and also the same way but I'm fiercly loyal. Always trying to learn something new. If it makes you feel insecure start going on adventures yourself.

randomgirlimok · 2019-12-08T18:11:25+00:00

Does he invite you to do all these things with him? If not, I would dump. I know this sounds insecure but having been cheated on, I would be afraid of him meeting all these women through his adventures, or using it as a way to meet other women. I mean, the number one thing people suggest on here is going to meet up groups to meet guys.

Title	Need help with dating a guy that's "too interesting"
Author	Janedola
Upvotes	37
Comments	27
Date	December 8, 2019 5:43 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e7wq2w/need_help_with_dating_a_guy_thats_too_interesting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/need-help-with-dating-a-guy-thats-too-interesting.687290 https://theredarchive.com/post/687290

Comments