On leaving partners

AyemHerself · 2021-03-16T01:47:22+00:00

Yes.

I want to expand on this and say the only options for leaving aren't "run away right now" and "stay with him forever." A lot of women tend to fall into the mindset that because leaving right now would pose a serious hardship, they're stuck. It won't do to dig in your heels and insist "it's not that simple" when you have a long list of reasons to leave. If you can't leave tonight, put your ducks in a row to leave ASAP. And do some research, because you may have more options available than you think. But also do it safely!

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-03-16T09:21:21+00:00

Also if you are dealing with a narcissist do not confront them with evidence of their bullshitery and don't engage in any acts of revenge no matter how justified you feel, they can really fixate on narcissistic injuries and wont rest until they feel like they "get you back" also big displays of your emotions and examples of how they have hurt you will only feed them with the drug that they are hooked on (hurting you and being a person of enough significance to you to cause you emotional pain is a drug to them) You wont ever get closure or validation from a narcissist.

2021-03-16T09:00:09+00:00

It's important for women to know that if they're in an abusive relationship, the greatest danger to them and their lives comes after they leave. Once you communicate that you are no longer under his thumb, the risk of him causing serious harm to you immediately goes up. One of the most important things is to make sure he cannot easily find you after you leave.

BigMouthStrksAgn61 · 2021-03-16T02:27:07+00:00

I, for one, am so glad to hear all of these women refusing to accept the abuse and bullshit they have been putting up with. It gives me strength because I’m also leaving my partner but my walls are weaker on some days than others. I’m focusing on studying so I can give my daughter the life she deserves. I was completely financially reliant on my piece of garbage NVM partner who can’t even hold a job. He gets paid under the table and uses benefits. I am not letting my daughter grow up to see that her mom lets a man abuse her. He didn’t want me working or doing anything but being a SAHM, but I’m collecting unemployment and going to school and he spent his money on weed and would sometimes throw me a few bucks if I needed something for the baby. What the fuck do I need him for? He wants me to completely take care of our child but just in the same house as him.

This is turning into a rant, but what I’m trying to say, is that you ladies give me strength. I’m at my moms, happy as a clam, and loving myself, my daughter, and my dreams for the future. A man is optional for me. If I ever do find a man, my daughter won’t even meet him for at least a YEAR and will never be alone with him. Ever.

My little girl comes first, and I’m channeling all my rage and sadness into schoolwork.

MadamLeFay · 2021-03-16T14:55:05+00:00

Be careful of WHO you tell, also. I told my two closest "friends". We had been friends for over 20 years, so I thought they had my back. Turns out, they both ratted me out to him, so the day I left and planned to withdraw the money out of our account, he had already beaten me to it and emptied our account! They also told him where I was moving to. He proceeded to spend the next 6 months vandalizing my car. I later found out that one of the "friends" had an affair with him about a year before I left him.

Bbqchilifries · 2021-03-16T01:10:13+00:00

Maybe there's something to be happy about in my break up.

My ex was a verbally and emotionally abusive asshole to me, love bombing in between losing his shit, but when he found out I was on dating apps, he told me he still loves me, but that I should do whatever gets me by and makes me happy. It doesn't change my decision, quite obviously but it's nice to hear.

We broke up maybe 6 weeks ago. I'm not really in a place to date but at this point talking to strangers distracts me.

W1nniethebish · 2021-03-16T02:26:39+00:00

Seek therapy as well. It is scary. And there is a life on the other side.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2021-03-16T11:34:55+00:00

This is a really good point to drive home. I would also add that even if he hasn’t been physically abusive yet, doesn’t mean he won’t become when you tell him you’re leaving and he loses his sense of control over you. Always listen to your gut and if you have even the smallest idea that he could get violent, don’t tell him in person. You don’t owe anything to someone who is abusing you (remember the “nice” periods are part of the abuse). Similarly, don’t go back to talk things over (if you’ve left in a heated argument or you feel things are not finished) - women are often killed in this scenario too.

Hopefully987 · 2021-03-16T01:30:49+00:00

Yes when I was forced to leave my home to move two hours away to live with family due to my stbx letting the house get foreclosed on out of spite for me during the divorce, I was working with a DV shelter.

Based on the two police reports of him threatening to kill himself and then some how coming home from the ER or talking the cops out of taking him some where the shelter paid for me to get the locks changed because he had threatened to destroy all of my things.

The shelter told me I shouldn't let him or anyone else know I was leaving until I was in a safe place. I was fairly sure if I told him I was going to stay with my mom instead of a homeless shelter or "let" him graciously get an apartment for me he would threaten to kill himself, slash my vehicle's tires, lay down behind said vehicle or call the cops and accuse me of parental kidnapping.

As it was I told him after I got there where our daughter was and he still was enraged, threatened to have me arrested for parental kidnapping and then had his lawyer try to have me held in contempt of court for taking our child out of the county during a divorce when I literally had no other options.

Please be safe and take all precautions. Talk to a shelter and let them help you.

Title	On leaving partners
Author	lifeisadance123
Upvotes	295
Comments	13
Date	March 15, 2021 9:04 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m5uulo/on_leaving_partners/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/on-leaving-partners.767385 https://theredarchive.com/post/767385

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