I see ALOT of complaining about “dry” conversation openers on tinder & bumble etc. I want to disclaim now I’m not defending people who don’t put effort into conversations, I’m referring to and identifying a pattern with men on dating apps where they feel entitled to a conversation with you where they put in zero of the work.

I always open with a simple hello unless something on their profile/bio really resonates with me, eg. they have a photo of them in a country I’ve been to, so I open the conversation with something related to that.

The reasons I open with something simple are:

1) if I was to approach someone in public, or start a conversation with a friend I wouldn’t run up to them and recite some stupid pick up line, I’d greet them normally before delving into a proper conversation, why would OLD be any different?

2) I think a lot of men use OLD for free validation from women. There seems to be a sense of entitlement and “you are here to entertain to me” from men on OLD apps, rather than the desire for a genuine conversation with effort equally shared.

3) I used to construct a thoughtful opener such as a thought provoking question, and 9/10 times I’d get a bland reply if that. For example I used to ask every match what their most “controversial opinion” was and the responses were 20% something racist/sexist/offensive or 80% “I don’t know”.

Women aren’t responsible for upholding an entire conversation with you or entertaining you even if you match on a dating app.

Conversations are a joint effort that require some time and effort on the parts of both people engaging in one.

This seems to be made worse on Bumble where women message first and are therefore expected to carry the entire conversation from the beginning.

Also pick up lines are generally very sexual or offensive for shock value, judging from the ones I have received in the past. They are in my opinion, tacky and unnecessary. I can’t think of a pick up line that would actually translate well into real life.

It seems to be apart of a bigger problem with dating apps where men join them expecting to get maximum benefits and entertainment from dating and women with minimal efforts on their part. Go get a hobby if receiving “hello” from a woman online isn’t good enough for you.

What do you all think?