Question: If a guy is doing everything right, texts first, etc. Is there a time you can start taking some of the initiative or do you just have to let him lead forever?

2020-11-04T06:04:46+00:00

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AbundantOverflow · 2020-11-04T05:39:17+00:00

There’s not enough information here.

How long have you known him?

How many proper dates have you been on?

What do you call “doing everything right” because I can assure you that morning texts and paying for meals are not it.

Important note: taking initiate and taking the lead are not the same.

Why do you want to take initiative? Initiative on what?

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2020-11-04T05:49:57+00:00

It’s only been four dates, do not let your guard down. I’m assuming you two are not in a committed relationship yet and still in the early stages of dating. Keep vetting and if he continues to meet your standards then that’s great! I’ve made the mistake of becoming comfortable and considering a man to be of high value too soon. Get to know him more before taking the lead

thinktwiceorelse · 2020-11-04T09:07:59+00:00

Also, if I were you I'd think a bit about your fear of "destroying" things by taking the initiative. It could be your gut feeling telling you that something is off. You also may feel that you have to do everything right and to be perfect in order to keep him around. You don't have to try, because for a right man, you already are perfect as you are.

keep_my_stuff · 2020-11-04T10:00:10+00:00

A few weeks is not enough for him to be bonded to you, so yes, if you start taking the lead now, it can interfere with the bonding process on his part, where he bonds by investing in you and thinking about you when you're not together. Let him. You have nothing to gain by initiating at this stage.

2020-11-04T11:06:15+00:00

Okay so the first thing you need to do is actually lose your attachment to him. Now you like him (3 dates), this is no good. You cannot think like this and be successful with vetting him. You need to stop and vet him for like 6 months. I know it is hard but this really is the first priority. You can’t like him because you don’t actually know him yet. The first 3 dates anyone can pretend to be anyone.

About your actual question, I would give myself 6 months to warm up to enjoying him doing everything before you worry about not being able to initiate back. Give it more time to get comfortable with leaning back. I would suspect in 6 months you will love it and not feel the same urges to initiate if he is actually a HVM.

I actually suspect he is NOT as masculine as he appears which is why you are feeling this urge to initiate. I know it seems odd but we can feel energy that we can’t always find real life evidence for. Sometimes the most manly HV seeming men will hook us in and then not show up quite as much as we need and then switch it so we are chasing them.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2020-11-04T06:41:27+00:00

As the other commenter said, you are the one in the lead. Not initiating is control and power, it is the ultimate freedom, and the only way to maintain the dynamic right now. Being gracious in receiving is a sign of maturity, and it sounds like you are enjoying his effort, time, and company, which should be his reward.

sstena · 2020-11-04T14:09:57+00:00

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