Reasons I need to end it

-before we even met he made a joke about how the quarry house (a bar input area) is great bc the lighting makes everyone look better

-spilled a margarita on me bc he didn’t hold the doors in his kitchen for me and they smacked into me and spilled all over my shirt

-second date turned up the music, blasting while I was singing as if to shut me up

-left abruptly on that date w out a warning

-made comments about how he was sooo worried and hoped I made it home safe and then didn’t care about me making it home safe until after a •great• date which I planned

-didn’t go in w me to get food for the picnic on that date (he works at that grocery store)and instead DUCKED and hid in his car?!

-he planned absolutely nothing for my birthday when he knew I wanted to go to use swimply to rent a pool

-instead took me to a lame ass park that I had to decide about

-acts like he doesn’t know me in public sometimes (walks ahead, stands apart, arms crossed, faces away, walks away in line, serves himself first, doesn’t open doors for me)

-if you have to say you’re a good person, you aren’t, and he says this allllll the time as justification for why he’s not a pos

-brought me treats at beginning of dating, now I look back and saw it was subtle lovebonbinb bc he so obviously knew what to do when I’m upset ...but stopped once he had me and now just says “lmk if you need anything”- (but eventually stopped saying that too bc I told him you actually know what to do)

-made comments about cost on dates or slyly showed me the receipts of how much he paid for a meal on numerous occasion

-The second time we had sex he simply sent a picture of the bracelet I left on his nightstand accidentally- and he didn’t understand why that upset me when he usually texted me sweet relatively long texts

-disappeared for an entire day when we first started dating

-makes excuses about iNsEcUrItY

-i started having texting anxiety from from the very beginning

-Backs off whenever we get close and is unaware of it

-is not self aware in general

-dated a girl for 5 yrs even though he never wanted to marry her, told me by the last yr she didn’t want to touch him and completely cut him out

-told me to “shut the fuck up” repeatedly one night while sleeping w me, called me a cunt that same night that I beat him at scrabble and teased him

-I put up a boundary and said I won’t stay if you do it again and he did it again but this time only said “shut up” but smiled maniacally when I continued having sex afterwards

-one of our earliest dates we were on I asked about super powers he’d want and he said “power over you” then was confused why I held onto that as an unfunny joke

-was on tinder still after asking me to be exclusive (deleted it in front of me before I got to see his messages even though he’d told me he’d show me them as proof he wasn’t talking to anyone else

-around Christmas I asked him if he wanted to come over to decorate cookies w my family, he not only said no, but that “he’d rather play video games” then when I got upset he thought he’d done nothing wrong

-2-3 months in started bitching about a coworker, then one night while drunk revealed they talked before he hired her. She made my life living hell about a month until she quit, but he didn’t stop whining and bitching how much of a liar she was

-he went on a date w me and began talking to teenage girls when I went to the restroom after I’d say don’t bother them (he wanted to ask them about school and covid) 🙄

-never introduced me to his friends even though he’d future faked this for 6 months

-is more engaged and friendly w strangers than me

-never introduced me to his family, even though his sister lives 5 minutes from him

-only made the option when it wasn’t possible to meet his sister- brother possibly having Covid, and when I was still in the middle of applying for grad school (plausible deniability)

-lies about “showering” when I smell his hair isn’t clean

-ignored me most of Christmas

-he’s never there for me when I need him

-he would be cold and unresponsive when I was hurt

-on early dates he started talking about “the hottest girl he ever dated” and I told him you’re not supposed to say that to the ppl you’re currently dating and his response was “I didn’t know we were dating...”

-he said “she wasn’t even that hot” about girl who broke his heart in his twenties

-when watching tiger king he called Carole Baskin’s arms “bingo wings”

-says awwwww to my passions

-rarely goes deep w me unless it’s about topics he cares about

-I do not feel true empathy or care from him

-on his birthday last October when we were cuddling and talking He said something about how he always said the wrong things and his response was “this is why I’m 37 and still single” when I got upset he claimed he meant “unmarried” -he acts like his red flags are MY red flags bc I have such “small triggers”

-after 2nd shut up, he tried to make the apology sexual by touching my breasts and trying to make out

-makes disrespectful faces

-he told me I was “bargain basement” when I used double negatives

-he dangled the love carrot for months. One day when I was upset he said “oh no I was about to say some very serious things to you” and he didn’t until I called him out on it and almost broke up w him

-has no hobbies outside of video games

-is addicted to video games and doesn’t care

-is addicted to working even in a job in which he isn’t happy

-he’s complacent

-he’s insensitive in general except in regards to ppl (if I’m being honest only the men) at his job, or relative strangers on the street

-made a disgusting rape joke about me enjoying it

-talking to him about my childhood or family he zones out and then doesn’t respond

-texts work right away while on date w me yet can’t get back to me for hours when we aren’t together

-has sent me texts meant to send to coworker three times now, meanwhile not replying to me until he accidentally texts, but thinks I’m overreacting when I say it’s rude

-mentioned teenage girl who worked for him TWICE- the second time saying how lucky he is and wonders if he appreciates her bc they have have been through the same thing- while on date w me

-Introduced me as his friend, Myname, not as his gf then made fun of the fact that my feelings were hurt by his introduction

-Was on phone a bunch on the only day we shared off together in months

-Kept future faking going on trips, any trip we went on was decided last minute

-had me make plans on dates and decide where to go on trips bc he was afraid to disappoint me 🤮

-anytime he’d do something sweet out if the blue, like brining me coffee, he’d use that as a get out of jail free card for weeks

-I still am not fully independent as I have chronic illness and medical bills are expensive... he knew I was insecure about it. One day I was teasing him about making a tiktok and told him I’d give him ten bucks for it and he said “your Moms money or yours? “

-Then lies and says he didn’t know she gave me money? Thought I had inheritance🙄

-when I told him about some grad school snags I hit in one of the programs bc of grades (this school requires B or above and I found out the A I thought I’d received in drawing back in 2004 was actually a C. I was freaking out and he thought it was a good time to tell me maybe it’s bc I don’t apply myself”

-made fun of my saying my back hurt after two days of 8+ hours of work w no breaks standing on my feet (w Crohn’s flares causing inflammation in my sacroiliac joint)

-he never “realized” until after I explained how hurtful his behavior was, but it required arguing before he’d even begrudgingly apologize, and his apology was along the lines of “sorry I hurt you the tiniest bit”

-told me excuses about how it’s bc his family ribs each other

-when we broke up decided to tell me all his exes took his teasing in stride, also told me all his exes were meek and mild (do you mean easily manipulated?)

-one night when we were supposed to get together the roads were icy, and I told him while driving that it’s wet and slippery out, I don’t have great night vision and was panicking

-when I got to his parking lot it was full of snow and he said “Theresa,” judgmentally when I said I’d turned around bc it was bad and I was uncomfortable. He says more excuses instead of answering why he didn’t warn me ahead of time. Not supposed to freeze until 5 am, more icy when he plowed his neighbor out of the ice.

-he plowed his NEIGHBOR out of the ice and was an hour and a half late to our date the day before but asked me to drive to him the next night, and didn’t even tell forewarn me or tell me good place to park until I’d arrived and saw his parking lot looked like shit.

-He REALLY just expected me to come over cuddle make out maybe get his dick wet and serve his needs but he couldn’t bother to think of mine. And to this day, the day we broke up, he still thinks he did nothing wrong

-he thinks he shouldn’t apologize when he thinks he’s not in the wrong even if someone else is suffering. In our relationship he believes my suffering wasn’t his problem, unless he could Agree that it was his fault and that often took convincing

-He did not call or text after I turned away bc he was more concerned w being right and feeling butthurt and having power than actually caring or trying to understand my perspective

-on the day before a big day for me (interview, getting up very early) he was an hour and a half late and had nothing planned, then told me about how his neighbor made a face like “he’ll help me he’s a nice young man” when she got stuck in the snow then LIED and said it was bc she was in the way of getting to me 🙄🙄🙄

-told me didn’t want me to miss him

-says “you’ve got to be kidding me” and “Jesus Christ” when I’m upset or hurt

-said “I’m reeling from this negativity” when I was having a bad day and felt depressed and wouldn’t answer my calls

-claims he planned our shitty trip from hell (Berkeley springs wtf... and he didn’t)

-struggling w sleep and illness prior to this trip from hell (my crohns disease got worse w him ) I offered to come on the trip later bc I worked two long shifts in a row and didn’t have time to pack and was too worn down from working through a flare

-It Became power struggle bc he didn’t want to wait for me but also didn’t want to drive back

  • I pushed through on the trip but I was exhausted and hadn’t gotten through my flare but pushed myself to go and he still he asked me that day to plan what we were going to do, and said it was my turn so nonchalantly

-he was inattentive nearly the whole time in this new (boring) town. One day on the trip he asked if I wanted to go home, if I was ok. I said I just needed to get food in my stomach bc id taken my meds, but while were walking to find food he stopped to ask if he could buy a game controller, like I’m his mom

-in all his apologies he prefaces things by minimizing I.E. “I’m sorry I broke your trust the littlest bit” or when we broke up he said “I may have hurt you the slightest bit”

-allowed me to take the blame, and whenever I did he’d go hot and be super loving and attentive

-backed off every time we got close but didn’t communicate it

-can’t plan absolutely anything

-intermittent reinforcement

-went out to eat and didn’t bother to ask if I wanted anything when he had plans to see me later, yet claimed I was at the forefront of his mind but actions speak louder than words

-when I got in his car the other day I had a tiny bit of chapped stick on my fingers, he REACHED OVER ME WHILE DRIVING to wipe it off, Iike I was a disgusting slob ruining his precious car

-when I told him I made it into another school but felt sad and alone he FINALLY tried to make plans w his sister and other friends saying something about early dinner or happy hour (this was last Thursday) he asked me point blank when I was off, I told him Friday. It was our only day off together

-on Tuesday night this week he called and told me he was sorry but he made TENTATIVE plans w his dad 3 weeks ago to help his dads friend w a boat, and that it was solidified YESTERDAY, when he knew last week I was off Friday. He told me he’d prob be back by 5 so we could still get drinks and I told him I deserve more than to be penciled in at the end of the night

-I felt he was making another excuse to not meet his sister but he said I was assuming the worst and he’d be back in time

-I told him I was disappointed bc he said to me “I decided to break this news to you bc I know we’re in a vulnerable spot (me making grad school decisions but feeling I was making them all alone despite being w him more than a year)”... but I told him he prioritized his dads hypothetical plans over mine even though he knew I was in need of support, he continued to say I was overreacting

-that was the last straw bc he didn’t try to make it right, like he never has, he’s only argued until he finally succumbed to apologies-and always begrudgingly

-I feel suicidal now that it’s over and I haven’t felt this bad for ages

Honestly I’m sure more will crop up

He told me at the end how fried he was by my constant hurt feelings and worrying about my feelings (he didn’t worry about my feelings). He told me how tired he was bc he couldn’t make it work bc I was always upset over something and that my triggers kept getting smaller and smaller

And for those things I’m blaming myself