I’ve been in a situationship for over a year now and have caught feelings for a porn sick LVM (I know - feeling like a real 🤡 after reading through this sub and finally realising my extreme “pick me” ways facepalm). He used to live pretty close to me but moved back home about 3 hours away before lockdown began. We’ve been keeping in touch over text and occasional video calls. The other day he expressed that after the end of lockdown he’d like me to come visit him - a.k.a drive 3 hours to meet up for sex and stay over for a couple of days.

I feel angry and disgusted with myself, but I’m also lonely and shamefully have found myself debating over and over in my head about whether or not I should just block him. I’ve never been in a relationship, didn’t truly know what I wanted and was very insecure in myself when I met him. I keep trying to justify his actions by saying that technically he was honest with me about not wanting anything serious - albeit after almost 6 months of love bombing and confusion - and that I agreed to the arrangement.

Just reading this back I know I need to end this ASAP and I’m drained thinking about him. I don’t really want to ghost him or block without saying anything though because I keep thinking back to all the good times we had together and I just feel so bad (ughhhh why am I like this). Would it be bad to call him and say I just “can’t do casual anymore”? Why is this so agonising when I know he doesn’t even care about me?