Realising my dad is a LVM

52490 · 2021-04-07T15:48:33+00:00

Ugh yeah realizing both my parents were LV sucked a lot. I also have no contact with either of them.

I guess it’s not directly to do with dating, but I believe these things have a huge impact on individuals adult dating lives...

licoricespicedtea · 2021-04-07T15:56:34+00:00

I used to compare guys I dated to my dad, but as I got older and partially through doing this in the first place I too realized he isn’t all that. He’s not terrible, like he has plenty of good qualities, but there’s a lot that I would not put up with if I were my mom.

When I was younger I thought my dad was the bomb dot com. He raced motorcycles, sailed, drank fancy drinks and could hold his liquor well, and was super confident (arrogant). I thought my mom was pretty boring in comparison, since she was always busy with work, cleaning the house, cooking dinner (she is an amazing cook and would go to the grocery store pretty much every day then spend 1-2 hours cooking each night - after a full day of work and going to the gym), shuttling me to various extracurricular activities, and leading my Girl Scout troop.

Realizing this has definitely made me slightly less close with my dad over the past few years (though I’ve always been really close with my parents so it’s still in the range of normal). But I think the best result of realizing this has been seeing my mom as more of her own, whole, multifaceted person. (Addressing my own internalized misogyny helped too.) So my relationship with my mom has gotten a lot better. Part of it is also as I grow up and understand more things that she has already lived, we have more shared experiences to bond over as peers.

A lot of my dad’s confidence, adventurousness, and general not giving an f about what other people think have rubbed off on me in good ways, so now whenever I hang out with my mom I try to use some of that energy to help build her up.

It’s actually really striking how much she has grown since I turned 18 and she had more energy to spend on herself. She’s an amazing potter, but pretty much dropped the hobby from when I was 0-18 years old and now she has a pottery studio again. She also started her own business, and started volunteering as a TA at a cooking school.

Savag3Rose · 2021-04-07T15:39:27+00:00

I believe it definitely would have an impact. Growing up with that situation would give the impression that it's "normal". It would be like a learned behavior. Though that would also mean that it can be changed.

I've realized over the years that my dad is pretty much in that same category. I will always love my dad, but I couldn't be with someone quite like him.

chillpotoftea · 2021-04-07T15:44:56+00:00

Welcome to the club! I recently had flashbacks of when I was 10 and discovered hidden camera porn on my Dad's laptop. I thought I might've made it up in my head because I was reading a news story about a scrote planting hidden cameras in his church bathroom so I called my Mom to ask if it really happened. She said it did and gave me some bullshit excuse about how someone accidentally sent it to him. I've avoided him since.

Throwitaway_72946 · 2021-04-07T16:09:57+00:00

Sorry to hear, it's the same for me but I'm much older.

lucidlotus · 2021-04-07T22:17:00+00:00

I know that seeing my dad cheat on my mom for years (and tell me about it--thanks, Dad!) made me think poor treatment was acceptable. SMH.

mostdefinitelynturs · 2021-04-10T02:39:28+00:00

I told my dad right in front of my grandparents that if I was my mom that he would have been gone 20 years ago. A lot of people think I'm 24 but I'm really 31. I don't let males age me.

Title	Realising my dad is a LVM
Author	okokokokthrowaaayyy
Upvotes	69
Comments	10
Date	April 6, 2021 10:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mlo7eq/realising_my_dad_is_a_lvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/realising-my-dad-is-a-lvm.764540 https://theredarchive.com/post/764540

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