Remember that the right relationship should operate within your boundaries and the right partner will understand and respect your boundaries.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2020-10-14T06:25:13+00:00

It really does start with this. In any relationship, if you have to ask yourself, "why do they treat me this way?" you also have to be accountable enough to look back and reflect, are you letting them? And that doesn't make it your fault, people can unfortunately be conditioned to accept so much trauma and abuse through manipulation, gaslighting, etc, but once you recognize it, you owe it to yourself to try and enforce those boundaries. To leave as safely as possible. And to forgive yourself if you didn't see those red flags right away.

Spittens · 2020-10-14T14:32:30+00:00

I replied yesterday on a comment about the '3 date rule' and how it was absolute bull that a woman should allow a man access to her body on the third date. Like, on the third date I'm still deciding if you're worth taking a shower and putting a bra on for dude. 3 months is a more reasonable expectation, 6 months is far more likely.

I was attacked so hard by men who were so desperate to protect their unfettered access to our bodies. I actually got comments like 'well if that's what you feel then you're narrowing your dating pool to basically nonexistent' or 'what if the right one comes along but bails because of your ridiculous boundaries?' 'I don't see why you should punish other men for your bad experiences'. It was hilarious how they just kept missing the point completely.

My response to each of these was, and? If they refuse to respect my boundaries then they aren't worth wasting time on. This is a hard boundary. I have my reasons, all caused by my previous experiences with men. Maybe I wouldn't need such strict and unreasonable (lol) boundaries in the first place if I hadn't been treated so badly by the men before you, and maybe if you held other men accountable instead of trying to blame me for their bad behavior it wouldn't be so much of a problem.

Boundaries keep you safe, healthy, and sane. Don't ever let a man push your boundaries.

fim_de_semana · 2020-10-14T13:06:01+00:00

Remember: give too much, you earn contempt.

Make them earn what you give, you earn respect.

ThrowRA745318 · 2020-10-14T12:27:43+00:00

Such a good article, and as someone who has come out of an abusive relationship, this line hits especially hard:

"Your job isn’t to become someone whom they treat well.

Your job is to assess whether the way they treat you is good enough to keep them in your life."

2020-10-14T10:21:47+00:00

Yas! So true. Learned this later in life but absolutely make clear and defined boundaries or they stomp on through with their muddy boots and not give a crap. If they chose to do that after you told them your boundaries then bounce. Not worth your time!

worshipkiera · 2020-10-14T15:14:44+00:00

Really needed this right now so thank you for posting! Just getting out of an abusive relationship right now as well and it’s so hard to change your mindset after all the shit you’ve been through. Also hard not to blame yourself for missing the red flags. Finally i put my foot down and left

4E4ME · 2020-10-14T19:02:47+00:00

"... is a direct result of the level of respect that they have for themselves".

Preach Sis.

Title	Remember that the right relationship should operate within your boundaries and the right partner will understand and respect your boundaries.
Author	cosmicapplecider
Upvotes	219
Comments	15
Date	October 14, 2020 6:12 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jav93f/remember_that_the_right_relationship_should/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/remember-that-the-right-relationship-should.321876 https://theredarchive.com/post/321876

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