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[–]blueveinnobleFDS Apprentice31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
As a 3rd generation immigrant, my family never understood the "dating" culture in the US. For instance:
In the US:
Boy mets girl > "talking" phase > "dating" phase> "commitment/serious" phase > engagement > marriage. (Infinite)
In the Islands:
Boy meets girl > talking phase > engagement > marriage. (12-18 months)
In other words, they couldn't fathom going through multiple, open-ended, phases with a person just to determine if they were suitable for marriage.
[–]eveninghopeFDS Apprentice23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Preach. I'm Brown-American and I literally cannot stand dating culturally "mainstream" American men. It's like they've been socialized to be allergic to any sort of commitment/family/etc. Like, bruh tf else you got going on? You're afraid a gf is gonna infringe on your gaming time? GTFO w that. I tend to date other immigrant experience Americans bc of this exact thing.
[–]blueveinnobleFDS Apprentice8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol, great point. As if a "commitment" would get in the way of their numerous aspirations! /s
Yeah, when I was younger, my family pretty much banned me from dating mainstream Americans. Us youngin's were encouraged to court within our culture.
(Sure, there's social issue that comes along with that, such as isolation.) Otherwise, the result is indefinite lingering on the dating market, unnecessarily so.
In the islands, if you reach a certain age and aren't married, you're viewed as deficient/unsuccessful. But in mainstream American culture, it appears the be a by-product of these infinite "dating" phases. A woman can waste ALOT of years through each phase, only to end up without the marriage she was after, in the first place.
Otherwise what's the piint? Dating, just for the sake of dating? Is there no end-goal in mind?
That's why I was so relieved to find FDS and its approach to purposeful dating. Dating as a means to an end.
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m American and I don’t get it. Especially the difference between the exclusive and boyfriend/girlfriend phase.
[–]icecream1013FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am standing right behind you in this line. To me being exclusive is the same as being bf/gf. I am American and do not get it either. I also do not get women act like these phases are reasonable. It is another instance of men convincing women that something that benefits men is a good idea or even a woman's idea.
[–]RabidWenchFDS Apprentice10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeahhh, the dating and serious phases are redundant for women. Also if you're talking for more than 6 months, consider that he is not interested. Because then you'll get memes like the above. Man-children need not apply.
[–]blueveinnobleFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. It's detrimental to us women. That's why LVM/NVM love to dangle the "commitment" carrot. As women, we need to reinforce the seriousness of our time horizons and make it clear while vetting, "I'm looking for a serious relationship with the possibility of getting married within xyz years."
Now, some might debate if this should go unsaid. But, why waste time if the man has absolutely no desire to get married in 12-18 months?
If he finds that off-putting then he's made it clear, he wants a fling. And we should move on promptly.
[–]Skittleschild02FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I know, guys who literally move girls into their homes, play daddy to their children, & introduce them to their parents. And still say that the relationship wasn’t serious. It’s weird & sick to me.
[–]icecream1013FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have seen this for years and never understood it until recently. I finally understand why. It is because they were not serious despite all the "signs" that he was serious.
When I was younger, it used to bother my self-esteem and self-worth when I would date a man and not get introduced to his family/friends, have no vacations together, be asked to move in (even though I never wanted to live together before marriage), etc. As I am older, I am glad it never happened with those guys because all that other stuff would have had me more invested and the breakups would have been much harder on me. I think women have to realize that a man can go through all the "I am serious" motions while having no intention of marrying you. Meeting his family or friends, taking trips, living together, having his child, him doing things for your or your family, etc. can easily mean nothing. Men have a high tolerance of what they will put up with for sex, especially the consistent, convenient, and easy kind.
[–]NottodayScroteFDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Never understood the "talking" response. Talking about what? More like wasting my time
[–]sweetpotatocupcakeFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My emotionally abusive ex/situationship sent me this meme back then. Fucking hell.
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[–]blueveinnobleFDS Apprentice31 points32 points33 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]eveninghopeFDS Apprentice23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]blueveinnobleFDS Apprentice8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]icecream1013FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RabidWenchFDS Apprentice10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]blueveinnobleFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Skittleschild02FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]icecream1013FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NottodayScroteFDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sweetpotatocupcakeFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link