Teaching daughters to be High Value

springtulip475 · 2021-07-13T16:53:47+00:00

sit them down and have an honest talk about men/dating/relationships, tell them you made mistakes in these spheres you never want to see them making, tell them it’s a learning journey that the three of you can take on together to support each other, tell them about sexism/misogyny and how it manifests into relationships with men (porn, manipulation tactics, red flags), tell them male attention and validation are worth nothing and why, tell them the importance of focusing on their studies to have a successful career and financial stability/independence which will allow them to live a fulfilling life without needing men and while always having the option to walk away safely, tell them the importance of building strong female friendships and a support system, slowly introduce them to radical feminism whilst comparing it to liberal feminism to help them avoid being influenced by mainstream anti-feminist feminism, when watching movies/listening to music point out the misogyny and the red flags in the love interests, eventually your eldest could be introduced to FDS as well if she is open to what you begin sharing with her.

mexchick17 · 2021-07-13T19:33:24+00:00

To tell you from personal experience, my mom married a LVM, my dad. It took her 14 years to separate. And she just seemed like a bitter old woman that got cheated on by her ex and swore off men for it, so I developed PickMe-isha tendencies because of how I saw this interaction between my parents. I was a fool. But I learned because my mother had candid conversations with me (even though I wrote her off a lot when I was younger) but also thanks to me making the same mistakes she made (but I left him when my daughter was 6 months old) and thanks to FDS. At the end of the day, your daughter has to trust you and you have to show her through your experience. You cant sit and lecture all of the time. It's not very productive and they tend to not like to be told what to do/how to think. Show with examples.. Show with explaining your reasoning with specific situations. Let her have relationships. let her fall in love and let her get hurt. But be there and never abandon your daughters.

Godspeed.

Platipus6 · 2021-07-13T23:18:23+00:00

Congratulations on leaving the LVM behind and levelling up. Your daughters witnessed your growth and success as well.

Take them on dates and show them what being treated nicely is like. Ask them what a nice date would look like, eg pleasant tea room vs shitty pool hall, so they get used to centering themselves and not accepting an invite from a man 'just because'.

Two books really helped me and would probably help all of you - "Growing up again" and "adult children of emotionally immature parents". The book "Men who hate women" by Laura Bates explains how the red pill / manosphere is grooming young boys right now. (She also wrote "everyday sexism" and has a website)

The "How to spot a dangerous man" book and the workbook have been invaluable. Print out copies and go through them together.

Everyday Chauvinism is basically some men's personality. Go through this regularly and help them memorize it, take notes, make bullet points etc so they can spot it in men and call it out.

Reach out to your local DV shelter or check the webpage for latest tips on either safeguarding girls against boys cyber sexual assaults (begging for nudes, bullying as a form of control, dickpics, triangulation with other girls who will do stuff) or books, pamphlets, seminars, roleplay courses for assertiveness training for girls. They're being groomed and normalized into eating shit from underage boys and don't know this stuff is illegal/inappropriate. They are going to encounter boys who are already pornsick and entitled to anal sex, who believe that sex for women is painful. Talk to them about sex, about the freeze and fawn responses, about how not going to isolated locations with boys is smart, because escaping once he's on top of you is difficult.

You could watch the documentary "The Social Dilemma" together, it has a lot of great points. If you simply take their devices away they won't like it.

This recent thread has a ton of good ideas too.

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2021-07-14T08:29:03+00:00

I’m gonna suggest some things I wish were done for me at that age.

express interest and give them space to talk/brag about their hobbies and interests other than boys. To the best of your ability without pushing them into it, provide opportunities and encourage them to pursue things like sports, learning a craft/language, extracurriculars, even time with female friends.
expose them to any HVW friends as you feel comfortable, or find examples in media/history. Show them how HVM treat HVW, but also HVW in relationships with each other, and HVW who are happily single. It’s good to have examples of how a man should treat you, but it’s just as important to show that it’s possible to have a truly fulfilling life without a male romantic/sexual partner involved.
if your daughter starts dating or has a bf, have a talk with her where you both agree to certain boundaries. Of course you are the parent and get final say over what happens in your house, but letting her have input is important so she doesn’t feel she needs to hide things from you. Be available for support if a boy hurts her feelings, don’t tell her what she did wrong but if she’s receptive let her know about red flags to watch out for and discuss setting healthy boundaries in all kinds of relationships.

MissouriBlue · 2021-07-14T10:03:03+00:00

… I have discovered that my adult daughter is an asexual, which means she is not brainwashed by the patriarchy.

She has watched me struggle my entire life, her entire life, with men that are less.

And while I encouraged her to have a relationship with her biological father, my first husband, she has not missed all that entails.

I began dating my first husband when I was 16 and he was 19, and while he was a wonderful sperm donor, he was not a good spouse. We parted on semi-decent terms.

Both of my children, one son and one daughter, appear to be much more cynical and much more aware of the current scenario that is happening in dating and meeting.

Both are reticent to pair up.

Comments