The term empath is way overused and normalizes LVM/NVM's bad behavior by shifting blame onto women for being overly-sensitive.

CedarBrush01 · 2020-05-29T21:06:33+00:00

As someone who is highly sensitive (ex: can read the vibe of a room before even being aware of it, detect peoples' intentions, etc.) I totally agree with this post.

This is why boundaries are so freaking necessary. With them, I'm able to direct my empathy and caring to those who actually deserve it and won't be energetic vampires.

Verysoftbun · 2020-05-29T21:47:42+00:00

The only reason I'm an empathy is I needed to learn to detect and manage my family's abuse from birth.

Empathy is just an abused person who learned coping mechanisms for survival that don't benefit after they've escaped.

I kept seeking out abusers unintentionally and I learned to manage my behavior. But it's not my fault... Like I didn't cause the problem but I fixed it. But yeah blaming women for enabling abuse and then holding them responsible is lazy and evil. But when is victim blaming new?

sofiacarolina · 2020-05-29T23:10:35+00:00

Notice it’s mostly women who identify as empaths. It’s no coincidence. Women are socialized to be this way, to be placating and understanding. Of course this sets us up to be easily groomed, manipulated, and abused. I see women in abuse communities often using their status as ‘empaths’ as the reason theyve been targeted by abusers. Something about it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but it’s hard for me to articulate it I guess bc it’s so personal to me as a survivor. According to psychologists, it’s true that abusers will target people with certain traits such as low self esteem, etc (traits that often line up with what female socialization does to women...imo our socialization literally grooms us to be vulnerable to abuse, and then ofc male socialization produces abusers). I just dont like seeing women overidentifying with their empathy when it’s what actually fucks us over so often. We need to practice less empathy. We need to be selfish and prioritize ourselves and be extremely selective. Empathy isnt an asset when it leads you to being used and abused.

socalqueenofcheese · 2020-05-30T03:26:47+00:00

My ex-husband did 5 minutes of soul searching to discover he is an "empath". This is why he would have wild emotional swings, gaslight, and literally make up lies about me. Claiming he thought I did whatever bc he could "feel" I did it.

This "empath" stuff to me, as far as his story goes, always felt to me like unresolved trauma, a very subtle form of abuse, and caused me to doubt myself. Even if I knew he was wrong. I still deal with him every day bc we have 2 kids. Rant sorry. Still working on and just really under the trauma I let him incur.

Edited to add: I'm absolutely not discounting some people feeling more attune. I think another poster said that often it is a defense from a childhood of trauma. Also, I know some people are just born more sensitive and aware.

2020-05-29T21:35:45+00:00

Great post OP. I too think that the focus on one "sensitivity" is misleading and pathologizing, because it doesnt matter if you cried or not, if someone is an asshole then he is an asshole and it has nothing to do with how much you can handle.

If someone slaps you suddenly, it is not because it Didnt hurt for some that it is not violent or a way to hurt you.

The same goes for mental abuse.

oasisreverie · 2020-05-30T08:11:28+00:00

My friend is a huge pick me and she uses the guise of being an empath to mask this. I think I used to do this for a long time too. I tried to psychoqnalyze people and make up all these excuses for things they would do.

Then one day it hit me. I have been through terrible trauma. I'm not perfect, but I certainly don't act like narcissistic men. I haven't used men for sex and money the way they used me for it when I was a pick me. Finally I decided that there is no excuse for abuse. No amount of trauma can make me feel empathy for a narcissistic abuser anymore.

As for my friend, I feel pity for her. She makes up all these excuses for why people in her life are rude to her. Her own boyfriend/baby daddy uses her and makes her take care of him. She thinks she is stuck with him even though she works and he doesn't. I guess I remember the days when I used to hug my chains too. But those days are long gone.

No more excuses for men. I don't care why he does that. He does it because he wants to and all other excuses are manipulation.

ironymaiden87 · 2020-05-30T10:13:12+00:00

I see being an empath as a superpower because it means I have higher standards for how I treat people and how I expect to be treated. It's a great way to weed out the shit people in your life and hold the good ones close. I don't put up with any bullshit anymore.

2020-05-31T04:01:32+00:00

For me, personally, realising that I'm an "empath" / "highly sensitive person" has helped me understand so many things about my personality and my "awkwardness" in social interactions (especially with guys). And also why I stayed so long in my first (and last) relationship, which turned out to be toxic. The breakup has really messed up with my head, but telling myself that I'm an empath and that's the reason why I was so blind to the red flags has kind of made me feel better about myself. I still beat myself up and sometimes I feel dumb as f, but then I try to be kinder with my self-talk. I'm just a good, caring person that needs to learn to set strong boundaries, and now I know.

Title	The term empath is way overused and normalizes LVM/NVM's bad behavior by shifting blame onto women for being overly-sensitive.
Author	xoladybugxo
Upvotes	106
Comments	16
Date	May 29, 2020 6:40 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gsym0s/the_term_empath_is_way_overused_and_normalizes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-term-empath-is-way-overused-and-normalizes.674878 https://theredarchive.com/post/674878

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