I thought he was building things up and talking to me nicely without getting overly sexual because he might actually be interested. I was matching him the whole time.

However - it reached a very sexual boiling point. So I ended up asking him.

And he told me he’s still into his ex.

It came as a shock to me. I was wary of him this whole time Incase he did only want sex. I thought maybe if it’s only been a year he hasn’t been single for long enough. but for some reason that wasn’t anything I suspected. This feels way harsher.

He said he just wanted to add some fun. why did it have to be specifically me all this time, building up. It’s been months. (We lived in different cities, and corona complicated things there is why I didn’t see him in that time) but I feel exposed and stupid. I don’t want to just be someone’s plaything

It’s crazy because even about 3 years ago I would have still repeatedly slept with a guy like that. thinking it’s better than nothing, thinking maybe he might come to like me

But this time I didn’t beg. I didn’t ask him any “whys.” I just said it would feel like a waste to me if he already knows It’s not going anywhere. And that was it.

Im still really fucking upset. That part is still hard for me. I really thought it was different for once.

But I know can’t put myself through that again.