1. Avoiding or lacking interest in sex with a real partner
  2. Experiencing difficulty becoming sexually aroused with a real partner
  3. Experiencing difficulty in getting or maintaining erection with a real partner
  4. Having trouble reaching orgasm with a real partner
  5. Experiencing intrusive thoughts and images of porn during sex
  6. Being demanding or rough with a sexual partner
  7. Feeling emotionally distant and not present during sex
  8. Feeling dissatisfied following an encounter with a real partner
  9. Having difficulty establishing or maintaining an intimate relationship
  10. Engaging in out-of-control or risky sexual behaviors

Some other choice quotes from the book (so far):

"Using porn regularly can cause you to become increasingly self-centered. After all, when you're in a relationship with porn, it's all about you. Porn also plants and reinforces the idea that when it comes to sex and relationships, power and control are more important than empathy and caring. If you regularly use porn, especially during the years in which you could be learning the crucial skills that enable you to be empathetic, caring, sensitive, and loving, you can become emotionally stunted when it comes to interpersonal intimacy. Sex with your partner can become "porn sex" rather than an intimate, loving connection."

" 'I am looking at you right now in a sexual way whether you like it or not. Never mind the fact that I don't know your name, care to know your name, or have any idea who you are. I don't really care about you. You serve as an object for my sexual pleasure. I only care about how sexually aroused you can make me feel.' This is how a former porn user describes the way he used to look at people when he was heavily into porn."

Another useful list:

Possible Indications of a Problem with Porn.

  1. Unexplained absences and unaccounted time
  2. Possessing porn materials or visiting porn sites on the Internet
  3. Excessive or late night computer use
  4. Demanding privacy when using the TV or computer
  5. Change in bedtime rituals
  6. Social and emotional withdrawal
  7. Maintaining a private e-mail address, private credit card, or private cell phone account
  8. Vague and nonsensical explanations for behavior
  9. Defensiveness when questioned about porn use
  10. Evidence of hiding, lying, and secretive behavior
  11. Unexplained tiredness, anger, and/or irritability
  12. Increased concerns regarding sexual attractiveness and performance
  13. Decrease in affection and nonsexual touching
  14. Insensitive sexual comments and unusual sexual language
  15. Lack of sexual interest and sexual functioning problems
  16. Heightened need for sexual stimulation, contact, and release
  17. Strong interest in unusual or objectionable sexual practices.

The book also makes note that women tend to be in denial of how bad their partners' porn addiction is, partially because of disbelief and partially because of how well their partners deny and hide it. One woman found a box of Playboy magazines and dismissed them as a one-off, minor thing (since Playboy magazines =/= hardcore porn videos); then she found out that it was a full-blown porn addiction. A LOT of the women describe feeling distressed at being gaslit (the authors don't use this term specifically, but that's what it is) because they're able to see and sense that something is wrong with their partners, but their partners constantly deny and accuse them of being jealous, insecure, or insane.

Remember, ladies, listen to your instincts. If you feel like something is wrong, then something is probably wrong.