Ladies, let me tell you why it is a MUST to vet a man, even if you have ONLY been talking to him and haven't met him in person.

I am a brown woman and I am born in a country where my people are the minority. As such, brown people who belong to my age group and bound to know one another. This could suck.

I matched with a man who belongs to my ethnicity on a dating application. Unknown to me, he's the close friend of the guy whom I had crushed on in high school. I didn't have a clue about this as I do not follow my ex-crush on social media, OR the people who belong to his five to six men clique.

I was upfront with the man whom I had matched with and let him know that his close buddy was someone whom I used to crush on, but of course, not anymore. I only revealed this after he sent a picture of his buddies and I realised my ex-crush was tightly knit with this guy.

Now, he tells me, "Didn't know you had such a bad taste in men before :p" (Mind you, this is the remark he made about his OWN, close buddy whom he said is a "great friend"). This is equivalent to me telling a man who confides in me that he used to have feelings for my best friend and I tell him, "Didn't know you had such a poor taste in women :p" That's the FIRST red flag.

Second red flag? He proposes a day to meet. Asks if I am into spontaneous meet-ups and I firmly said no, but he suggests a day where we just "grab some finger food and chill by a rooftop garden".

Third red flag: tells my ex-crush that he's currently talking to me (despite telling him not to) and disrespecting my boundaries. Yes, that was when I knew I had to take this trash out and never look back.

If a man has no qualms dissing his own "close buddy" to another woman whom he barely knows, ask yourself how long it would take for the same man to throw you under the bus when you have a misunderstanding with him, and what are the closed door conversations he would have with his "buddies" about you.

I felt extremely uncomfortable talking to him ever since and hence, deleted his contact, ignored his messages, and went about with my day.

This is why vetting is SO, SO, SO important. The things they convey during the days leading to the meet-up is telling on whether they are even deserving of your time, attention, and energy.

If this was pre-FDS, I would still be attempting to speak to this LVM, and agreed to a finger food date, but thanks to my friend who introduced me to this sub, I am going to have to pass this trash.