I am using a brand new account for this, I was sifting through the handbook and saw that it was a good idea to do so. I was really curious what you lovely people thought about this: asking if a certain behaviour of yours is annoying to a man that you're talking to, or among your friends regardless of gender aswell. I often have a feeling that I'm being annoying and I ask people "are you annoyed" to get the answer "no you are fine" to dispel that feeling in myself that I get. I am afraid because I don't always know what the expected thing is and I often just offer a bunch of things until I find the right thing, trying to anticipate needs. Very "pickmeisha" from what I've been observing. The question is, do I have to sit with this discomfort, and be silent and not ask if he is angry with me for doing my own thing?? I dont know if this is correct because if I do this maybe I will not realise hes getting more and more upset and resentful and eventually dangerous. How can I learn to pick up on the real danger?

If not, how exactly do you smoothly get into the question of if the other person is angry? I want a way to communicate when I have these kinds of feelings and be able to get a person to communicate back to me that they are not upset with me.

I think that a caring man would assure me that he is not upset with me, and be patient with me about my trauma. But I don't know if they are getting that out of it or if they are taking in the idea that they can tell me what to do that wouldn't be "annoying" to them and manipulate me that way. I really dont know what to do here.

It's probably not the best strategy bit I was wondering how you all deal with this feeling?? Surely I am not alone in feeling some level of needing to watch out for the feelings of others to a fault and detriment, but I don't really know what to do with these feelings inside of my body when I have them. (Sorry if its sounding redundant, I just want to get everything out). I feel as though I need to showcase I am normal and valid and if I do something out of line I will be outed as a "weirdo" or something. I am also autistic, I had been diagnosed early on luckily I guess.

Also I can go back on my main account if there is a requirement for previous comment history but I thought it best to make a new account for this subreddit specifically, and I would like to know how to do all of that as safely as possible. I look forward to hearing your responses, I have been looking around at this subreddit for a while and hope that I can really make some growth with it. Thanks

Edit: ironically as I am asking more and more questions I am feeling increasingly self conscious and wondering if I am annoying you all / sound like I am baiting or wasting time 😭 I really do appreciate all of the responses and I have intention to make real changes for my own sake