What is the Bare Minimum? (A Reminder) about what the bare minimum is. Don’t celebrate when someone you date has these qualities. I know it’s hard, but we should expect this in everyone.

spinsterchachkies · 2022-04-14T14:04:24+00:00

I wrote this last year and wanted to remind everyone again this year. So far it still holds up but if you have any additions let me know ♥️

notyourtradwife · 2022-04-14T16:01:23+00:00

My mom would always brag about how wonderful my dad was because "he went to work every day".

The same man who verbally abused both of us, sexually abused me, watched porn out in the open, cheated on my mom, and made my life a living hell from as early as I could remember, was a good man because "he went to work every day". Please don't feel bad for my mom because she genuinely doesn't deserve it. She looks down on divorced women and victim blames me constantly.

That being said, I'd always snap back with "and isn't it so nice how he knows how to shit in the toilet and not on the kitchen floor?" or some other similarly condescending statement that meant "that is the bare minimum, stop praising it, you look ridiculous".

warinmymind94 · 2022-04-14T19:22:43+00:00

Fantastic post and thank you for sharing again. You have to act like you're used to be treated well. I had a guy on a first date that I vetted really flaunt his debit card Around when the check came. He kept moving it around and then said randomly "I have wells Fargo see" like he kept trying to get me to say how he's paying or offer and I wouldn't acknowledge it all. I kept talking about traveling.

At the end of the date before I leave I will say thanks for dinner and it was great getting to meet you, drive safe. That's how I was raised. I'll show a smudge of gratitude but I'm not gonna stroke his ego over a $20 plate.

Even if you were treated awfully before, you just have to pretend it didn't happen and act like common bare minimum is normal and standard. Don't act impressed. It's routine.

waterflowers77 · 2022-04-14T13:55:34+00:00

The bare minimum for a man is: Be kind, not just nice. Have a job. Live on your own or at least not with parents. Respond to messages and calls.

It should be more than that but the bar is in hell, and a lot of men can't even reach these goals.

queen_azulaa · 2022-04-14T15:36:59+00:00

Saw a tiktok of this divorce attorney (who usually makes very good points) talk about how if a woman doesnt fake reach to pay on the first date, she is ,in his words, "entitled".

The comments were unsurprisingly from incels and pickme-karen hybrids. Like? Ppl dont understand bare minimum! Ofc Im now bombarded with notifications for giving a piece of my mind and its giving me anxiety when I use the damn app 😭 The bar is in hell. I should thank him for not date raping me too since I didnt want to be entitled I guess ...

An occasional handbook refresher is definitely needed as a "dont let men and pickmes gaslight you" self care routine

Comments