Why do I convince myself I'm not pretty enough for the kind of man I want?

tellmesomething11 · 2020-06-10T01:15:58+00:00

I totally feel you on not feeling pretty enough because of your moms abuse. My mom also was abusive...some things that stuck out was her constantly saying I didn’t need to be pretty; because I wore glasses I was smart instead...when I needed both braces and glasses she refused the braces because the “glasses were bad enough.” I was very small and petite and she would comment with other people that I was so little and not “womanly.” I have very curly hair and she never bothered to teach me to do my own hair or learned to do it herself.

She also didn’t explain about periods, or shaving my legs, or anything really; she was distracted and never wanted to be bothered. I’m thankful for my friends, who showed me how to style my hair, how to put on makeup, explained sex to me, and never judged me for not shaving my legs for so long...but I am sometimes described as a hippy or very natural 🙄

But anyway, when I meet a man, he loves my natural beauty and my glasses are “sexy” and my hair is “beautiful” but I start thinking about that he’s better than me, I was a dirty little kid, his family is better, his mom isn’t a high school dropout like mine, his dad didn’t abuse his mom or his kids....sheesh I can go on and on. And I almost feel relief when the man messes up because then he can be dropped and I can be alone...which is better because I don’t deserve anyone...

The thoughts don’t go away. I compare it to being a person who was formerly addicted...they still crave it but they have supports in place, they have changed their thought process, they have become stronger!

And we aren’t those little kids anymore, who were powerless to these terrible adults, who bullied us and made us feel small. We are adults now and can take care of ourselves. We can buy ourselves little cakes or makeup to feel happy or pretty, we have structure, we work out, we take care of ourselves because WE love ourselves. And a man that comes along, well, he is pleased because we are the prize and he doesn’t care about the little dirty girl, and neither should we🤷🏽‍♀️

a_throwawayy_ · 2020-06-10T01:24:19+00:00

Stop attaching your sense of self worth to your appearance so much. Every time you look in the mirror, you gotta tell yourself that this is me and I'm good enough. You said you are fit, intelligent, and people like being around you, so you already have a lot going for you. You have to stop holding yourself to impossible beauty standards, and make a change in your mindset by reminding yourself that the way you are is good enough. I used to be a perfectionist too, but I started gradually stepping out of my comfort zone until I became comfortable with my appearance. For example, I used to wear a full face of Instagram makeup every day. Then I wore minimal makeup, then just mascara, and now I don't wear makeup at all.

Raccoon328 · 2020-06-10T01:34:06+00:00

I was this way too. The only way I’ve learned to change is to notice when I feel that way and think those things and refute them immediately by saying no, I am pretty enough, I am good enough etc. in my head and then behaving that way.

The same thoughts and feelings may or may not come up a few more times, but after I deny them access to me the first few times, they don’t come back and I remember my worth.

About your ex boyfriend, I don’t know the whole story, but since joining FDS, I’ve realized our gut feelings aren’t usually wrong. If he wasn’t calling you enough and you voiced your concern in a calm, healthy way and nothing changed, he wasn’t going to change and chances are, he would have gotten worse later on. So you were right to move on.

Often, we think some men having a lot more good traits than these other LVMs and them being actually highly attractive must mean that maybe we’re wrong, or that we should accept the less phone calls or whatever. But the fact is, you deserve someone just like you. If your boyfriend had voiced his concerns, you would have changed because you valued him or you would have just given him enough effort in the first place. You deserve to have that same appreciation and love back.

DO NOT SETTLE.

chateauduchat · 2020-06-10T06:45:03+00:00

I dated a former international male supermodel and he still treated me like shit. Once you realize men, no matter how good looking some men are on the surface, can really hide a truly ugly character, you have the power. Low value male characteristics do not discriminate from the conventionally attractive to the unattractive.

In the end, you have to realize that YOU are the prize, fake it until you make it and believe it. Don’t act too interested or intimidated by outward appearance. In the end, you don’t stick with a man just because he’s pretty.

OrchidLion · 2020-06-10T03:15:42+00:00

[deleted]

OrchidLion · 2020-06-10T04:52:09+00:00

Same problem here girl. I have no advice to give, but youre not alone.

fiercefinance · 2020-06-10T01:27:48+00:00

Sis, you go back to therapy. Really. You're not healed yet.

xosunnybunn · 2020-06-10T18:58:55+00:00

wow did you steal my life

thank you for asking this

Title	Why do I convince myself I'm not pretty enough for the kind of man I want?
Author	Rules-Girl
Upvotes	55
Comments	23
Date	June 10, 2020 12:22 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gzzy6j/why_do_i_convince_myself_im_not_pretty_enough_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-do-i-convince-myself-im-not-pretty-enough-for.700466 https://theredarchive.com/post/700466

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