*Applies for both genders but I am going to write from the perspective of a straight woman that dates straight men.

We live in an era where humans have unprecedented access to each other. Before this digital age, humans went to work and then went home to bed. They didn’t unplug/decompress by plugging in for hours on social media or textathons on their phones.

Until 20 years ago, if an ex or suitor wanted to contact you he had to call your phone line or “bump into you” in public and risk the embarrassment that your new significant other or family might be around. This took effort and risk.

By contrast, now a man can slide into your DM’s almost anonymously to inquire about you and your life. No effort, very little risk involved. And usually no accountability which is why harassment of women online is rampant.

We also now have a generation of people who think it is okay to contact you at their convenience. So they will ignore a message you sent and then resurface weeks, months or years later. They will pretend like they didn’t blow you off and then gaslight you by not addressing what they did and attempting to pretend like you two can pick up where you left off.

💡Just because this has been normalized doesn’t mean you have to accept it.💡

Blocking is a legitimate response to feeling overwhelmed by low effort connections with people you have never had deep intimacy with in the first place. Humans can only nurture and foster deep, consistent connection with about 5 people at a time. The artifice of social media has people believing that they can get their needs met by having hundreds or thousands of “digital friends”.

For example, with online dating it is the norm for men to act interested and then disappear only to pop up later. I did online dating for 18 months and even though I was picky about who I gave my personal phone number to- I still get messages from men who I forgot to block. Even when I have told men explicitly, “Do not ever contact me again”, they have attempted to reach out to me through email and on every social media platform. This isn’t cute or flattering or a sign of man who is infatuated by wonderful me. This is the sign of a person who doesn’t respect themselves or me and my stated boundaries.

Limit the access that people have to you and they will behave differently. I only give my personal phone number to people who I have vetted. Unless I know them well, if they don’t respond to a communication I have sent in a timely manner I block them.

People who cannot acknowledge that I sent them a message are busy and they don’t intend malice. And they are also unconsciously signaling that they are going to be another low level connection in my life. I don’t have the space or desire for it. Especially not when I can meet people who do return messages in a timely manner and desire a medium-deep connection.

Since I’ve been relegating “pop up people” to Instagram (the only social media I engage with), I no longer have to deal with clutter on my personal phone line. Or the confusion of why someone who couldn’t be bothered to return a message, thinks I will want to reconnect months later. Obviously, people have life circumstances- like a family member getting sick, etc…but the “I’m so busy” excuse is played out- especially when we can all see each other being “so busy” on Instagram.🧐

PS. If you have done this “pop up” behavior to people (😱) it is not my intention to shame you. Just have awareness moving forward and stop doing it.😘