I have moved past A LOT of shitty relationships, I have moved past it. Imagine being the best you've been ever mentally and complete content with potentially just being single forever because it's better to be single than to be treated like you're trash when you are not. That's where I was, and I can say I was genuinely recovering from the worst experiences of my entire life, I had went through the ringer and I was finally able to start getting better.

This is when my friend reaches out, my actual real life, have been friends in person, have worked together, have slept in the same bed, have never kissed or been sexual with one another friend ... who I had been close with initially but because of me going through so much and him moving we only touched base once a month, maybe twice. (We both had super demanding jobs, schooling, sick parents and our own personal tragedies so it was just a lot. We both gave eachother shit for it but neither of us fixed it and joked about it.) Anyways, he reaches out, on a whim, tells me that hes practically been in love with me since we met and he knows how bad of a time this is for me but he had to tell me and as well adds in that he just doesn't want to lose me as a friend even if I dont feel the same.

Here I am, confused as hell and not sure what I should say but I decide to be honest because you know what? I'm a stand up human being even when I shouldn't be. So I tell him that I have had the same feelings but that I've changed and he is right about it being bad timing because I only just started to feel okay .. finally, not just surviving but I felt okay, even good.. more than I felt bad. Anyways, we stay in contact this time daily. Eventually it progressed and he flirts, at first I resisted but then I eventually gave in and flirted back (the flirting started around the christmas holidays and he was farther away) and he finally started to open a little bit more for the first time in maybe a year and a half with me. Literally days before hes about to leave on a plane to go home, complete silence. I don't freak out, I say nothing. I asked if he needed to talk once he messaged me or if he had just been busy, we chatted about how he had been busy, caught up and it seemed weird but I let it go. Then he ghosted me.

Last time we talked I asked if he was alive still or if the pandemic got him. I know its cruel and its petty and it's way too real but he laughed and told me he was okay.

Havent heard from him since early March, he watches my stories on snap chat though so at least I know he's alive but I'm not sure I should care anymore.

What compels a young man to open up a can of worms and just fuck everything up? Really. Seriously. I don't actually think I've ever been so angry, never have I been this angry. If he were literally anyone else, I would've just shut it down.

Has this happened to anyone else? Even remotely similar? I feel so much rage, he took my peace and I feel crazy because I feel like it was intentional. Who does this.

**Edit: I do not view him as a friend anymore. I feel as though when I think of him it's like dead space but when I think of what he did I feel an immense amount of rage.