Earlier part of this series:

Why you should NEVER go 50/50 (Part 1)

Why you should NEVER go 50/50 (Part 2)

Why you should NEVER go 50/50 (Part 3)

Why you should NEVER go 50/50 (Part 4)

Why you should NEVER go 50/50 (Part 5)

Also tagging our awesome mods u/Phoenix__Rising2018/ and u/electroloop/ ^w^

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9) "I LOVE paying the bills and go 50/50 with my man!"

  • Cool.

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10) "If I let him pay the dinner/buy me gifts/take care of me financially etc. - then I have to sleep with him whenever he wants and be at his beck and call 24/7"

  • WHY???? Somebody gonna come and burn you at the stake if you don't sleep with him after he paid for dinner?
  • What kind of slave mentality is this?? Who make this into a rule you must follow as a woman on a date with a man?
  • Okay2 - you don't want to be labelled a "gold digger", an "evil woman only after a man's money", a "w***e" and all the degenerate labels society put on you - okay I get it.
  • So you go 50/50 with the guy, you pay for your own food, he paid for his. You go on coffee dates, walk dates, park dates, jungle dates, mountain dates, river dates, the journey to find the one ring to rule them all dates etc.
  • Because you choose to go 50/50 with the guy - you start seeing him more, spending more time with him, talking, sharing, laughing, flirting - you "feel the chemistry" and start opening up to him, sharing all your vulnerabilities and insecurities.
  • Now you are attached to the guy and start spending time in his house - or your house. He starts talking about the future, about how he love you, about how you are "different" from other woman blah blah blah.
  • He starts touching you more, kissing you more, saying how he love it when you do this and that for him - it shows how much you love him.
  • So you end up sleeping with him "because of love" and doing all the things for him "because of love" - and you still have to split 50/50 whenever you both go out to eat and spend on things because that's "how our relationship is".
  • So, in a sense - you still sleep with him whenever he wants and be at his beck and call 24/7 - the difference being instead of due to him spending on you, it is due to "because I love him".
  • Aka you are the one investing more into him, instead of him investing more into you.
  • If you have been reading FDS long enough, you should understand that in this dynamic, you will always be the losing party. Always.
  • Now imagine you agreed to go on a date with a charming guy - and he takes you to one of the best place in the city.
  • He pays for everything - the food is glorious, the ambience is great, talking to him is fun, the dessert is to die for - and at the end of the dinner, he gifted you a nice bouquet of your favorite flowers.
  • And as he leans in, whispering to you "So, my place after this?" - his intention is clear, his gaze tells it all. What should you do?
  • I know this will be hard to do - but YOU MUST SAY "NO".
  • In a graceful gentle way, you CAN and HAVE THE RIGHT to say "No, sorry I don't do that". And LEAVE.
  • No need to over-explain, no need to feel bad for him. You have the right to just say "No. Thank you for the invitation but I must decline", and end the date gracefully.
  • Yes, it will be downright terrifying the first time you ever said that "No" after a lifetime of always saying "yes".
  • Your mind starts attacking you with images of the consequences - the exploded anger, the nasty words, the stares, the whispering behind your back while their venomous eyes just look at you, the ostracization, the loneliness - just because you choose to prioritize yourself for once.
  • And I will be the first to tell you that that journey won't be easy - you will be hurt, a lot.
  • When you start to build your fence of boundaries, people will start throwing insult and gaslighting stones and yelling that you are "destroying the whole village! A selfish witch!" - simply because you stop allowing them to trample on your lawn of personal space and abusing you.
  • So you can either be ready to experience that wound over and over again, or you give up and throw away your boundaries just so you can feel like the "normal" part of the society.
  • If you ask me, it f**king sucks. I am wounded to the deepest part of myself. There are a lot of scars. Nasty words and psychological assaults can do a number on you, after all.
  • You also will be lonely a f**king lot because genuine people are the MINORITY in this world.
  • Pickmeishas are everywhere as far as the eyes can see - I lost count how many times I've been betrayed for the pettiest shit.
  • But all of those are worth the small number of friends I gained along the way, the way I can scoff at insults like it is just another Monday, and best of all:
  • When I say "No", I mean No with a capital N. Whether they got it the first time, or I will make them understand.
  • If you dream of being that woman who can look in the eyes of the most handsome, charming, wealthy, delicious man - and simply said "No" to his advances after he paid for everything - then you have to start.
  • You cannot grow a thicker skin without enduring the pain of starting.

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11) "But he seems like a great guy on paper! What if he turns out to be a HVM and I miss the chance because I don't go 50/50 or sleep with him on the first date?"

  • First of all, no healthy sane masculine HVM will act like that. HVM is not just about having money and looks ladies, it is about having integrity, moral, and wanting to put his best foot forward to impress you.
  • Women come to FDS asking "How do I avoid wolf in sheep's clothing? How do I spot LVM/NVM disguising as HVM?" - BY CUTTING THEM OFF AT THE FIRST SIGN OF DISRESPECT! No matter how "great" he seems to be, no matter how small the disrespect is.
  • You have to let go of the scarcity mindset - yes, HVM may be rare, but the more proficient you are at cutting off toxic men ASAP - the easier it will be to discover genuine HVM down the road.
  • To get to quality, you must master the art of decluttering and cutting down the quantity.
  • Yes, you may take more time to find your worthwhile relationship as opposed to the woman who marries the first guy she finds - but no woman ever regret taking the time to choose carefully.
  • Many regret just jumping into relationship and marriage blindly.
  • Yes, I understand that some sisters fear the biological clock. BUT is it really worth it risking your entire life and future kids' life for a guy who might not be what he seems because you didn't take enough time to vet him properly?
  • You need to understand that once upon a time, the tradwife woman has to be at her husband's beck and call and be ready to serve his needs 24/7 because of survival.
  • Unlike our time, those women risked being actually harmed if they chose to stand up for themselves and leave.
  • That's why the original feminists' movement worked so friggin hard at freeing women from those shackles - and as a result, we now enjoy all the freedom our ancestors can only ever dream of.
  • And yet, now that we earn our own money and buy our own house - somehow we willingly "shackle" ourselves instead by going 50/50 (or in reality 80/20 or +100/-0) and let the guy move into our house and scrounge from us in the name of "love".
  • Don't be fooled, you still let the guy have control over you in a 50/50 relationship - by allowing him the direct and continuous access to you.
  • Dear sisters, we all have to understand that we are not men. We do not think like men, we do not feel like men, we do not grow up and perceive the world as men. Our brain are not wired the same way as men.
  • We may think that by going 50/50, the man sees it as you having his back, and thus naturally he will have your back. Us against the world right?
  • But that thinking is a projection - we project our own belief, hope, desire, fantasy etc. onto a man, and believe that he thinks and feel the same way because he says and do things that align with that projection.
  • This is what I believe actually happens when women say they "feel the chemistry/spark" with a guy they barely know.
  • And this phenomenon is also why you see a lot of women on relationship sub starting the conversation with "He is great, loving, caring, lights up the room blah blah blah BUT" - and proceed to describe red flags that, in reality are quite hard to miss because they are too damn obvious.
  • Like bad hygiene, disgusting body odor, misogynistic attitude, addiction, being lazy and selfish etc. Anybody with functioning eyes can see that the dude is the furthest thing from "great".
  • Pickmeishas especially project all of their ideals and fantasies onto the man and see the breadcrumbs as indisputable "proof" that the guy is "great". It is their own fantasy projected onto the relationship, effectively trapping them in their own la la land.
  • Meanwhile in reality the red flags start to get really really obvious to the point it disturbs the la la land, yet to their "love-fogged" brain those are just "small errors" that can be easily fixed if they just use the right combination of words and actions.
  • So when you go into the relationship thinking that "Doing 50/50 means that we will work as a team!" - take a step back and ask yourself, is that the reality or is that what you think he is based on certain actions and words that align with your hopes and fantasies?
  • When you say he has "HVM qualities!" - is that what you concluded after ruthless vetting process over months and done with a cold observing eye, or you said that because he lovebomb you on the first few dates, and you get excited because he "matches" your fantasies?
  • And when you think that going 50/50 with a man means that he sees you have his back and thus, he naturally has yours - is that the actual reality or what you hope will be the reality?
  • When FDS says "Vet, vet, vet, and let the man pay" - it is not because we want you to be the cold calculating b**** scheming to dry the man's bank account and left him John Doe-ing by the beach.
  • FDS simply wants you to leave that fantasies-projecting mindset at home and put on the scientist glasses - and observe during the duration of the date.
  • FDS wants you to see the man for what he truly is, not what you are hoping he is or what he will become.
  • Do not be a complicit in leading ourselves into the LVM/NVM trap by gaslighting our own mind. Open your eyes wide and observe a man for what he truly is.

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TLDR;

  1. Going 50/50 with a guy on dates and in relationship won't "save" you from having to sleep with him whenever he wants and be at his beck and call 24/7 forever - you just end up doing them out of "love" instead.
  2. You have the RIGHT to refuse a guy's advances - even when he paid for everything!
  3. You are not a slave, he doesn't "buy" you when he decides to treat you nicely and you do not have to "pay him back" with your body and your entire life.
  4. If you want to be the kind of woman that can calmly say "No" even to the most charming wealthy man on earth, and keep her standards and boundaries high all the time - you have to start saying "No".
  5. You cannot grow a thicker skin without enduring the pain of starting.
  6. HVM who are clearly interested in you would not make you go 50/50, or worse, ask you to sleep with him on the first date - yes, even when he paid for everything.
  7. There is no such thing as "He is a HVM but there is a teeny tiny issue...". Any red flags is a R.E.D F.L.A.G, period. No buts.
  8. Women come to FDS asking "How do I avoid wolf in sheep's clothing? How do I spot LVM/NVM disguising as HVM?" - BY CUTTING THEM OFF AT THE FIRST SIGN OF DISRESPECT! No matter how "great" he seems to be, no matter how small the disrespect is.
  9. Thinking that by going 50/50 with a man, he will see that you have his back and thus, he will naturally have yours is a projection.
  10. We project our own belief, hope, desire, fantasy etc. onto a man, and believe that he thinks and feel the same way because he says and do things that align with that projection.
  11. So when you go into the relationship thinking that "Doing 50/50 means that we will work as a team!" - take a step back and ask yourself, is that the reality or is that what you think he is based on certain actions and words that align with your hopes and fantasies?
  12. Do not be a complicit in leading ourselves into the LVM/NVM trap by gaslighting our own mind. Open your eyes wide and observe a man for what he truly is.