I found this upvoted post and was happy because I could relate. The post is entitled, “Don’t tell me to open up and then not listen to them.” The guy explains that he has depression and trauma and that when he dates, he explains this upfront. He’s working on it with therapy and meds, but he doesn’t want a relationship because of his mental health. Then when his depression gets bad and he isolates and loses all libido, the women he dates get upset with him. Read the whole thing here:

https://np.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/rlf4z0/stop_telling_men_to_open_up_if_you_are_not_going/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Then I find this woman’s top comment with 7 awards and over 400 upvotes. She absolutely sticks it to him. She shows no sympathy or understanding for his depression and trauma. Here it is:

“This will be a recurring problem for you unless you remove yourself from dating altogether until you get to a healthier place. It's natural to care about people, get attached, want to help them, and feel pain when they withdraw from you, if you've been seeing each other for a little while. Those feelings of attachment and caring, wanting to see and be seen, are as natural to them as your depression is to you. What you're asking is them to treat you with love and compassion until you don't want it, then to stop and leave you alone, without feeling like they've been tossed aside. Is that fair? Is that natural? If they can't communicate or be close to you during those times I see why they are frustrated and hurt.

With the things you're struggling with, you shouldn't be spending enough time dating to have the problem you're describing in the first place. Why are you dating? Why are you dating enough to have this recurring problem? How is it everyone you're dating is wrong when you're the common denominator?

Even the good listeners have their own life and problems. Healing will always be ultimately lonely. You won't find what you're looking for in other people, really it'll only distract you from focusing on yourself. Are you a good listener to yourself? Do you trust and love yourself, check in, see how you're doing? Make life choices that make you happy? Make tough decisions that will help you heal? The fact that you're in and out of dating and blaming others for not listening well enough sounds like fear of taking responsibility over your own life, pain, actions, and healing. Nobody will do the work for you, and nobody has to put their lives on hold while you do it yourself.”

This is blatant misandry. If OP was a woman, there would never be a comment like this, much less one that gets so much praise. To be fair, it’s not that she doesn’t make any good points. It’s that she is extremely harsh and shows no understanding for the effects of depression and trauma. If a woman made the post, I bet some of the same points would be made, but in a gentle and compassionate way. The worst part is that you can tell she thinks she’s dropping pure wisdom, really setting this guy straight with compassionate and enlightened advice without any BS, like it’s her best Dr. Phil impression (I hate Dr. Phil). Actually the worst part is that hundreds of people agree this is what she’s doing, including men. It’s almost like they think she’s a brave feminist standing up for those poor women who have been harmed by this insensitive man… because they clearly have no agency and can’t be held responsible for their choice to date someone who explicitly states upfront they don’t want a long-term relationship and they definitely can’t be lowered to expend the emotional labor of empathizing with the so-called “depression” of her oppressor…

The lesson is that male mental health issues are invisible to those who believe in male privilege.