Surprisingly wholesome Good Men Project article

Xemnas81 · 2021-04-07T01:54:06+00:00

The article discusses codependent, people-pleasing boyfriends and husbands and how they are entitled to have their needs met just as much as anyone else. This is a rare subject in the current landscape where anything but unconditional self-sacrifice is clinging to privilege.

ByronsLastStand · 2021-04-07T10:07:59+00:00

Doesn't this come from a website that historically had a very condescending, feminist strain?

OirishM · 2021-04-07T14:18:41+00:00

Not mentioned - if the partner doesn't turn their act around sharpish, walk.

Guys put up with too much bad behaviour in their relationships out of desperation.

throwra_coolname209 · 2021-04-07T15:38:21+00:00

As someone who is highly codependent, this hits way too hard.

A lot of the time I don't understand the "emotional labor" argument from women. Because in my relationship, I was the one doing the "emotional labor" like 90% of the time. I was the one who had to make sure she was feeling okay, to go out and do nice things for her, to make sure her needs were met. And I liked meeting her needs.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, I definitely learned there's a few spots in my life I'm less good at, like planning dates, and those inadequacies are on me. But stuff like this especially hurts because I see how often I went out of my way to make sure she was satisfied and knew she was cared for... only to have that not be reflected.

Quite literally, my needs were often an afterthought. Unless I explicitly asked for things like to be cuddled, to be held, or stuff like that... I wasn't going to get it. Sure, she'd do it at times but only after I had done something nice for her, it felt like this awful "tit for tat" thing.

I can't wait to meet someone that would actually consider my needs without me needing to vocalize them 100% of the time. Communication is good, but I refuse to be in a relationship where I'm only considered a person when I speak out.

RStonePT · 2021-04-07T17:01:08+00:00

Nice guy is such a twisted term. Risk averse, validation seeking men who perform all manner of psychological anti-abandonment behaviors. These behaviors were learned from failed parenting strategies which were reinforced from a female dominated early education system.

These behaviors also are extremely unattractive for long term relationships, hence the 'finish last' line. Dr. Robert Glover refers to them as 'covert contracts' which create a feedback of resentment and ultimately relationship failure.

The Good man project has been nothing but a failure, encouraging the normality of disfunctional behaviour, wrapped in 'wholesome' jibberish.

If anyone doubts, just doing through Glovers 'no more Mr. Nice Guy' will show with great accuracy exactly why these nice guy behaviours:

Aren't nice
Aren't for guys
and cause a majority of modern problems with men and women

BloomingBrains · 2021-04-07T06:44:56+00:00

Seems wholesome enough, though it is geared toward men who are already in relationships where they aren't being respected. There are some good insights here that can be applied to single men, too though. But it would be nice though to see an article promoting self esteem in men that have difficulty finding relationships in the first place.

Comments