A cheater and legacy issues

irateMD · 2015-11-22T12:27:57+00:00

The illusion of two people being in love is gone. Once and for all.

FTFY. It was a fantasy. Find a new way to love her without the illusions. If you can't, then you'll still be stuck in a relationship where you are pretending, just in a different role from when you were a Nice Guy. The current combination of your situation and mindset is poisoning you. One or the other needs fine tuning.

The superficial stuff is all in line. Shift the focus to your mindset for a while.

[deleted] · 2015-11-22T17:58:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

over60_stupid_loner · 2015-11-22T19:12:38+00:00

OP - I looked one last time at your post.

You admitted are a validation seeker;

that you feel bad about your affairs

that you want it all

that you care too much but you don't care at all.

OP for the second time:

Decide what you want and do it. You should own it, not make excuses for it. Not have a crying jag in the park while you suck on a cig.

No more excuses, no more validation seeking. Look inward, kill your ego and find and act on your mission.

That's all from me.

theultmatecad · 2015-11-22T15:31:58+00:00

OP STARTED POST

IM HAPPY

Why give advice?

over60_stupid_loner · 2015-11-22T13:06:04+00:00

I have read this 3 times. WTF?

Decide what you want and do it.

Your soul crushing, loss of innocence, company without legacy all read like a very calm anger to me.

The cheating will kill your relationship if you want it to. You will get caught if she cares for you.

As r/IrateMD says, look inward.

nantucketghost · 2015-11-22T15:46:22+00:00

deleted REMOVED BY AUTOSCRIPT - GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD

WhiteTrashKiller · 2015-11-22T15:44:29+00:00

I don't disagree with his actions here just his reasoning for them. He has developed a coping mechanism(new pussy, acceptance) to deal with the trauma from previous rejections. For me cheating doesn't mean squat, it more has to do with my personal integrity. Take away everything I have made in this life, only it shall remain. It isn't a holier than now excuse, it is my own coping mechanism for growing up with a lying, cheating, alcoholic father. You see we all have them, but there are better ones to develop.

Red Pill is A moral, however MRP has a slight religious overtone. The question you need to ask yourself is do you enjoy your LTR? I really enjoy mine, there are times where I could jettison it at any given moment though. I subscribe ti the pure honesty method, I hide nothing so I expect the same in my partner. If I find that she was to be not so honest with anything to do with our relationship she knows I can flip it off like a switch and we're done. Yet another coping nechanism. So anything that is bothering me gets laid out in a non victim puke method(cause sharing your feelings are a nono).

We all go through this life alone, you may have a partner and think she is with you but she isn't and it sucks when you find this out. IMHO it sounds like you are silently rubbing it in her face without her actually knowing. A silent tit for tat. Tell her what you expect of her and make her comply, if you are worth what you think you are she will. If you are indeed broken(obviously since you are breaking down and crying) you need to fix yourself. Screw the relationship, it doesn't mean anything. This mental jousting you're doing is only going to keep causing your breaks and one of these days you won't snap back and you'll be left being more bitter than ever.

But hey, If you wanna keep doing this enjoy your slippery slide of a ride. Be aware there may be sandpaper at the bottom......

ex_addict_bro · 2015-11-22T17:33:58+00:00

I can run 10 km in 38 minutes,

I bought a pack of Pall Mall

Soon you won't be able to run 10 km in 38 mins.

UEMcGill · 2015-11-23T15:23:59+00:00

How do you deal with this inherited waste, which lies like a shadow over your relationship? The past is unchangeable, I only can change the way I feel about it. But being hurt about the history of my LTR is my truest feeling, it’s natural.

You're still in the anger phase my friend. This isn't about cheating, or strange pussy. This is an all out victim puke.

The past is the past and it holds zero value to the future. So the question is, what do you want out of this? I don't care if you cheat. I don't think it's right or wrong. There's no such thing as "inherited waste". We can make judgement calls about peoples character based on past decision, and from there you either accept the past or move on.

You are stuck in a strange, perverse, sunk cost fallacy. You're angry and you need to punish your LTR because she didn't love you for "just being you"; you're holding the past against her. So what you do is engage in a covert contract where you fuck strange, and she serves time for past sins by not knowing.

If you want to fuck strange own it. You can tell her you're making her the main plate, and let the chips fall where they may. You can go the /u/theultimatecad way and accept that it's part of your life. But what ever you do, you need to own the past and move forward. That's what this is really about. It has nothing to do with cheating. If you can't accept her behaviors for what they were, a reflection of you, then next her. Do yourselves both a favor.

enfier · 2015-11-24T00:45:44+00:00

What are you afraid of OP? What imagined scenario leaves you breathless with fear?

MentORPHEUS · 2015-11-25T03:32:24+00:00

I've lived a life of multiple concurrent LTRs for two decades. It has brought myself and partners a mixed bag of mostly positives but occasional heartache.

As for the mistakes of the past, I have made amends where possible, and self-improvements/changes to avoid repeating mistakes. From there, I have made peace with the past. One key thing to making multiple relationships like this work, both practically and ethically, is: Don't neglect your main partner in favor of secondary lovers. Your time for relationship maintenance is a zero-sum game; you can't make more time so its a matter of making the time you do allot for each partner fulfilling for that partner, according to their standards^{^1.} "Work smarter, not harder" is key to making it work for everyone, long term, without running yourself ragged.

For the future, remember the Sunk Cost Fallacy and don't base future decisions and behaviors on past investments, but in terms of present/future cost/benefit.

In your application, don't base current/future decisions to cheat on past perceived wrongs, do it only on the basis of current and future risks and costs versus the current benefit. If you are allocating your attentions justly and still can't make peace with this ethically, admit you're not cut out to live this life and stop with the secondary relationships.

^¹ This is my standard I have set for myself, before someone reads that as I'm letting them set my standards for me.

BrunoOh · 2015-11-22T11:58:45+00:00

Why are you still in a relationship with her?

iloveairplane · 2015-11-23T07:30:50+00:00

"If there’s no god, everything is permitted. And we all know, that God is dead."

Well, good luck with that. We don't all know that God is dead, I for one believe in God and I think there are a lot of RP principles in the bible.

I'm not judging you - I'm just challenging your frame a little and hopefully causing you to revisit your value system so you aren't bouncing it off of us for validation.

Maybe you should start thinking "what if there WERE a God? What does he want out of my life?"

I went through some internal dialog like you are spouting off, I doubted God, I gave up on my fairy tale married life - but then I found the answer in between RP and Bible.

REAL outcome independence is when you take charge of what you can in life, and remaining happy (frame) and thankful for what you have been given (abundance mentality), regardless of how little it might seem.

So I work out, I take care of the bills, I make sure my house is in good shape, I dress well, I am dominant, I have become the guy that others want to be and that other women want, and now my wife is feeling the tingles and experiencing a little dread by product.... And I don't have to worry about compromising my value system. I realize she isn't perfect (none of us are), and there are things/desires in life that I might not ever taste, but I WILL NOT act like the snotty child on Christmas Day that didn't get the present he wanted.

Decide how you want to live your life through the values YOU believe are true - then own it.

Title	A cheater and legacy issues
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	43
Date	November 22, 2015 11:40 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3tsyev/a_cheater_and_legacy_issues/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/a-cheater-and-legacy-issues.200677 https://theredarchive.com/post/200677

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