Dealing with mental illness

UEMcGill · 2015-06-30T18:21:37+00:00

First, fix you. Get all your shit in order, including reading materials and lifting. The best mental health medicine for a man is visiting the iron bar. Why do we say this? Because a man who doesn't have his shit together can't make the right decisions for himself, much less his family. There's always two broken people in a relationship, start with the one you can fix.

You need to be able to set boundaries and enforce them when bad behavior occurs. Non-treatment of mental illness is the Sw as skipping chemo. It's not an option. You also need to be 100% capable of saying "if you can't fix yourself I will divorce you". It's the first option you have, not the last. As a man you bring commitment to the relationship, and she needs to understand what's at risk.

Yeah, you made a fuck-trophy and that's a complication. Buts not a stopping point. Read, digest, and lift.

My wife was constantly complaining she was depressed. Wouldn't see someone for all the same reasons you list. As I became unplugged i realized "there's thousands of women who would push her in front of a train to take her place". Quality good women too. I told her "I can't, and won't make you happy. That comes from you. If you're unhappy, I'm ok with that. But I can't be around you if you choose not to address it."

It's been maybe 2 years since that conversation and she has become much happier, because I was clear to her that one, I wasn't going to enable it, and two she had a choice, me or depression. She chose me.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-06-30T21:23:55+00:00

First, this does not sound like Bipolar Disorder. Bipolar is usually when you have fairly stable ups and downs- 2 weeks of depressed then 2 weeks of mania. Yes they have expanded it to include just about any mood disorder but I think they are full of shit. Bipolars don't cycle over minutes or seconds like you describe.

Bipolars also don't get Xanax and Buspar. This is some weird mood stability disorder, not true bipolar and I am unconvinced this requires these drugs.

The behavior you describe sounds more like a person cycling between being zapped and sedated to being hung over. Repeatedly, day after day.

So fucking make an appointment with her doctor and go with her. That should not even be negotiable. It is not up for discussion. You are going. Then get another opinion on the Xanax and Buspar shit and another psychiatrist or (preferably) a psychologist who can diagnose her and provide actual treatment for anxiety rather than neurotoxins.

zazaodh · 2015-06-30T17:36:12+00:00

I'm a new guy myself, but I think you maybe need to slow down and reflect.

You say you found MRP a few days back and have just started NMMNG, yet you are talking about it being the point of divorce being the last option and having your wife committed?

You talk a lot about your wife and how she is. What about you? I think you should Read the Guide for Beginners and go from there.

[deleted] · 2015-06-30T19:00:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

hamsterbaiting · 2015-06-30T20:59:12+00:00

When was the baby born? If it was within the past year, postpartum depression could (at least) be contributing.

Be prepared for the shit to hit the fan on Friday due to the checking account.

Get a VAR(voice activated recorder) or equivalent app for your phone. Do this now and record every interaction with her. She may go apeshit enough to justify a psych hold or she may even accuse you of domestic violence.

Twelve states require, under most circumstances, the consent of all parties to a conversation. Those jurisdictions are California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and Washington. California has provisions allowing recording to obtain evidence of crimes. Illinois case law also allows it for private citizens.

blarggggggggggg · 2015-06-30T21:30:53+00:00

If she is unwilling to see a psychiatrist on her own, you may have to decide just how important that is to you and make it condition of whether or not to stay in the marriage. Cancel any joint credit cards you can. Consider therapy for yourself if possible to help deal with your relationship with a mentally ill individual.

FrozenSoil · 2015-07-01T02:36:04+00:00

My wife also suffers with anxiety depression, prescribed Zoloft as a daily, and Xanex as an emergency option if necessary.

My biggest thing is maintaining a stoic frame. It's been a bit of a haul but she is beginning to be calm (with the mess of course) and it seems a lot of what was bothering her has been taken care of when I started asserting myself and wresting control of the family ship.

If your wife is like mine, she needs a stable force to reassure her that things will be ok, and by stepping up, she will begin relying on you more to step up and be the Oak she needs.

anothercarguy · 2015-07-01T02:42:17+00:00

my (ex) wife I am near certain is Boarderline Personality.

FUCKING NIGHTMARE Jesus christ. The worst most dehumanizing experience of my life, the only time I even get treated as a human in our required interactions is if I bend her over a barrel. 10/10 never again

Since you are tied together it is tough though you have leverage for 100% custody. I would.

RBuddDwyer · 2015-07-02T19:52:05+00:00

You need to read up on Borderline Personality Disorder. It frequently gets misdiagnosed as Bipolar disorder and depression. I sometimes think of it as Extreme Female Behaviour Disorder, because that is essentially what it is. The bad news is that it is not treatable with drugs. (This is actually not a bad thing, since many psych meds will absolutely kill libido.) It requires years of therapy and a dedication by the wife to want to get help, assuming she even admits she has it. The good news, to the extent that it is good news, is that some guys can manage it with some seriously strong frame and boundary setting / enforcement. Find a pdf of the book, Stop Walking on Eggshells, and read the first chapter or two. If any of that resonates with you, then continue on and read some stuff by Dr. Tara Palmatier at Shrink4Men and Shari Schriber at gettinbetter.com. Gird your loins, you are in for a wild ride. May God have Mercy on Your Soul.

Edit: on a reread of your post, and a more serious note. You need to decide for yourself whether she actually has it. You can mention it to her therapist and see if the therapist can make her see it, but don't get your hopes up. BPD is a hard row to hoe, and you have to do some deep soul searching to make the decision about what to do for yourself. No one should ever have to live life with a person who has BPD, as it is pure emotional abuse regardless of whether the BPD person means to be emotionally abusive (or doesn't know any better). No one will ever fault you for leaving her, even with kids involved. It is often better for a child to have a normal, stable parent at least some of the time rather then a crazy one all of the time. BPD often exists on a spectrum, and some women who are on the "high functioning" end of that spectrum can be managed with hard core frame and boundary setting. Other women are too far gone, and nothing is going to contain it. The best you can realistically hope for is containment and management, and accept the trade off of never having a normal, emotionally healthy relationship. Think about it long and hard, and make the decision based on what is best for you and your children, not her.

Title	Dealing with mental illness
Author	th3STlG
Upvotes	4
Comments	32
Date	June 30, 2015 5:07 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3bnh9v/dealing_with_mental_illness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/dealing-with-mental-illness.201580 https://theredarchive.com/post/201580

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