Dealing with Wife's Rage Issues

RPSigmaStigma · 2015-01-30T17:13:34+00:00

I'm betting there's some relevant back story to this situation that isn't immediately obvious. Is this the first time she's exploded in rage (even if less violently)? Does she have a tendency to go hot/cold/hot/cold on you? How's the sex life now, and how was it before you starting going RP?

Anyway, in general, if she is getting violent, the best thing to do is to just leave the house. You don't want to get in a situation where she baits you in to retaliating, or even having to restrain her from hitting you or anything like that. It's very easy for this kind of situation to get twisted in to a DV charge against you, and we all know how cops and courts are about this, they'll believe her story any day of the week over yours.

Secondly, leaving the house will set her hamster into overdrive and give her some time to seriously consider your power to walk away from the relationship. Go get a few beers with some friends then get a hotel for the night. Ignore all texts and calls until you come home in the morning. When you come home, be very calm and collected, and maybe even a bit chipper if you can pull it off convincingly (if not, don't; you don't want her thinking you're "faking" being chipper).

UEMcGill · 2015-01-30T19:45:47+00:00

There's dealing with a shit test, and there's fucking crazy. This is crazy.

The best way to deal with it? If no one is at the station you can't get on the crazy train. Nope the fuck out and don't engage. She wants you to calm her down, but that's not your job. If she doesn't come home, ignore (personally I'd change the locks, but I don't know how crazy we're dealing with). She'll challenge you on it, just tell her "yeah I'm not dealing with this."

Don't DEER. You owe her no explanation for ignoring her poor behavior. Simply state "If you throw something at me, I will call the police."

ivebeencaught · 2015-01-30T20:51:48+00:00

While she is gone install some cameras in the common areas of your house, tell her you put them up in case your house is robbed. In the future when she is going insane you move her tantrum to where it can be recorded. Cover Your Ass.

She needs to know that if she is going to throw tantrums and run away like a child you will be treating her like a child. Until she chooses to grow up she doesn't get her emotional needs fulfilled by you. Amused Mastery and Agree and Amplify can work very well to diffuse anger, but in my experience only tend to feed rage.
My wife hit me once in anger early in our relationship, even though I was full beta at the time this crossed my line, I roared up, got into her face and made it very clear that this would never happen again or it would be instantly over between us. She had never tried that again and if she starts down that path a I have a "look" (her words) that tell her to get herself under control and she does.

There is certain level of shit that you don't have to take, uncontrolled yelling, throwing things and violence are mine. Leave, cover your ass, protect your family and assets. She needs unmovable boundaries and she also needs to know that throwing a tantrum and then running away to punish you is not acceptable and there are consequences for her actions. You need to decide what the consequences are and these can be anything you deem appropriate up to her being replaced. Don't make threats you have no intention of following through on.

Did you hold the correct frame? Doesn't matter at this point, her nuclear response renders what you did irrelevant. What is important here is how you choose to follow through at this point. She isn't coming home tonight? - Tell her to make sure to bring back milk. - Have the greatest evening ever with your kids tonight, something where they brag to everyone how awesome it was "WE WENT SKYDIVING!!!!!" Try to make it an all/late nighter, so if she does come home it is to an empty house. - Don't answer her texts or calls while she is gone. (If you must respond, only respond once with the word busy) - When she does come back, she should know with a look and a head shake that you are deeply disappointed in her and how she acted.

You can be an oak against her feelings of anger, cut her off when she looses control or goes to rage.

TheYoungPatriarch · 2015-01-30T17:15:47+00:00

You gotta be accountable to her? She flips out and throws shit at you?

You were afraid of sleeping in a hostile environment? Don't ever sleep on the couch. You know what I would have done? Took pictures of the scene, called the cops and put her in the pen for Domestic Violence. If you can't control her actions now, and she's getting violent, you need to send a clear message that her behavior is dangerous and unacceptable.

That may seem harsh, but I guarantee results. She's doubled-down on her shitty behavior and you are now in some precarious shoal water. This is not how a good life partner behaves.

Countpudyoola · 2015-01-30T17:59:54+00:00

THROWS HER FORMER iPad AT ME. Sounds like a straight up bitch , be cool moment.

She normally break shit? Throw stuff at you? Or is this a first?

Immediate action would be to remove yourself somewhere and go radio silence while she uninsanes herself Best place? The gym. And advise her on the way out she's 44 and acting like a brat. Throwing things isn't allowed. Have somehow always avoided this insanity. Lots of shit I would have put up with , but even in bp days throwing things and trying to harm me physically. NOPE.

Cops never help unless your life is truly at risk and they can get there in time. Otherwise look forward to it being turned on you, legal fees and paperwork. The system is skewed against you as male.

nopbeentheredonethat · 2015-01-30T18:00:42+00:00

She erupts and screams at the top of her lungs that I think this is funny and she THROWS HER iPad AT ME! She then threw a vase, a coaster, and a TV remote.

Ahhh the good old time! Before I say anything I want to ask you first a question. When she trow a fit like that, do you

A: Get mad right back at her.

B: Stay stoic and unresponsive.

C: Plead for forgiveness or acceptance.

D: just nope the fuck out of there!

crashkobra · 2015-01-31T01:18:20+00:00

If I were you I'd set up some sort of security camera system to get this shit on video in case she tries to claim DV. I know this is a nuke option but tell her straight up if she pulls that again she gone. Good luck

whinemoreplease · 2015-01-30T17:54:09+00:00

Echoing the advice here. Don't response to her shitty behavior. If she wants to talk, she can talk when she's reasonable. Don't even response with A&A or anything when she's fueled by emotion.

Just get out of there.

Alternatively, answer with more emotion. Be pissed. Show her your anger. Show her that if it comes down to it, you will dominate the shit out of her. Then calm down and show her you can control yours.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-01-31T00:49:13+00:00

The whole time I'm smirking and telling her that she is COMPLETELY out of control.

IMHO when a person is out of control is not the time to be baiting them with smart ass smirks.

her responses are cyclical

Isn't it a huge relief to be able to predict instead of thinking this shit is completely random?

You overdid the Dread- even though it was low level, get in shape Dread, it was to much for your relationship. Back off and reassure your wife. I think she honestly fears this will lead to the end of your relationship.

TekkomanKingz · 2015-02-02T18:18:30+00:00

Sorry bub this isn't salvageable. Divorce.

Start talking to Attorneys etc. NOW

Title	Dealing with Wife's Rage Issues
Author	TimeIGetToPhoenix
Upvotes	8
Comments	27
Date	January 30, 2015 4:28 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2u7kbm/dealing_with_wifes_rage_issues/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/dealing-with-wifes-rage-issues.202602 https://theredarchive.com/post/202602

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