So I am far from an internet warrior, despite the name. I have been at this for 2.5 years and I am still slowly making gains. Introspection and self honesty is important to me because the lies I told myself have hurt me the most in the past.

I have been following the program, reading, learning, practicing, lifting and STFU'ing. While two years of MAP gave me back my self respect, MRP has helped me slowly get the upper hand. An amazing thing happened recently, I found Abundance.

A week ago I got a soft no, then another, then a hard no. Usually, I feel a bit angry, however this time I didn't feel anything. I actually felt like this person is not a good place to invest time. Suddenly, my time and effort became very valuable. The next morning I was on my way to work and I was happy, really happy, much happier than normal especially given the no's. actually, the no's didn't matter at all, I was instead thinking about how and where to invest my time and effort / attention. I felt I had limitless options and could go anywhere.

Then I noticed I felt differently when checking out girls, which is at least 30% of my commute between reading. So while I walk between trains, I check out girls and watch social interactions. Ordinarily I was thinking about sex, now, I was thinking about whether or not I would invest my time in getting to know a person, to see if they were worth investing in.

At the same time, I have lost all interest in porn, it feels like a waste of time.

I guess I felt this was worth a field report because I see a lot of people trying to define terms in ever greater levels of detail in the hope it will help them understand them better. In my experience, it won't, and even if it does, it won't matter because understanding is not the same as internalising. To be happy, I think things need to be internalised to the point whereby they become natural