Getting over anger

RPSigmaStigma · 2015-08-02T04:08:42+00:00

Ok, bear with me here. You're holding on to the anger because you feel like you want someone to notice how upset you are and make it better. You can't move on because you're living in your head picking at your emotional scabs. I recently read How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie, and one of the major themes in this book is how important it is to get out of your head, and in to the minds of the people you're interacting with. To stop obsessing over what you want and expecting others to want to give it to you, and instead to spend time figuring them out and find ways to offer them what they want. This theme is repeated by Robert Greene in this interview and it's also arguably one of the key elements in his Art of Seduction. One thing I've realized recently is that pretty much everyone from RSD Tyler to Marcus Aurelius, and even Robert Glover, are all basically saying the same thing:

GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND IN TO YOUR LIFE

6TimesDown7TimesUp · 2015-08-02T02:28:18+00:00

I read /u/strategos_autokrator's post (which I can't seem to link to with the iAlien app) on stoicism and the recommended readings and that shit has literally changed my life. Didn't make the anger go away but when it comes I can let it pass over me and move on with my day now, keep my frame, pass shit tests etc without wearing my heart on my sleeve or backsliding to beta goblin shit pukes. YMMV, but it helped me in a ton of areas where beforehand I allowed anger and frustration to define me and my frame.

enfier · 2015-08-01T23:03:08+00:00

I can only speak to how I let anger out of my life. Most of the change was based on concepts from the book How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life as well as some techniques learned through cognitive behavioral therapy.

The gist of the whole idea is that anger is a choice. Something happens to you and you choose to be angry about it. At the moment anger seems inevitable, but that's really just a thought pattern in your mind. After some reflection, anger is generally a reaction that doesn't accomplish much. When you get angry, you end up hurting yourself more than anyone else.

So after reflection and identifying what set off my anger, I went about a long process of forcing myself to have a different emotion when something upsetting happens. After a while it just becomes second nature and you won't even think about it anymore.

SexistFlyingPig · 2015-08-02T08:09:18+00:00

Yep. The anger phase. Been there, done that, wondered if I knew anyone who could hook me up with an assassin to just take her out without getting me in jail or bankrupt (financially, not just morally).

But time cures all ills. It's not her fault she's a woman. But she is, and she'll make all the same decisions that all women do.

RPAlternate42 · 2015-08-03T15:00:24+00:00

Study Stoicism and apply a few tenets to yourself every day as a daily affirmation or mantra:

Today is now and yesterday is over. I must accept what cannot be changed. I must realize that mistakes I've made are done and over with and I must work to avoid them in the future. I must focus my energy into finding positive emotions to move forward with my life. I must know that my happiness is my responsibility and anger is that negative emotion I let someone else cause.

I had an "a-ha!" moment this weekend:

When the first kid was born my wife and I had an "agreement" wherein she would name the first one I would name the second one. This as decided by way of a coin toss. She won the first one. The second part of the agreement was that the "winner" picks three choices the other person can veto. The third proviso was that I got to name the middle name for that kid.

Second kid rolls around and I had a name picked out already. It was vetoed with the others. It turned into her picking a name. I got the middle name... again. I was pissed, but my BP nice-guy ways told me to shut up and put on a motherfucking happy face.

At the hospital After she came out of being too groggy to hold the kid, I asked her, "do you want to hold... um... uh..." (aside: I couldn't remember the kid's name and she was wearing a ladybug hat, so I said...) "...buggy?"

"Buggy" has been her nickname ever since.

The a-ha moment came when I realized I subconsciously renamed the baby because I was still pissed that she didn't let me name it. This gave me some catharsis on the issue because it was one of the things that I always had locked in a vault and when I opened the door, there it was starting at me.

The mistake I know I made is that I offered compromise to the agreement I had set up to be a nice guy about it; I offered the 3 pick veto. That mistake blew up in my face and I will never let it happen again. I didn't stand firm when it was my turn to name the kid. That won't be happening again either.

Ultimately I know that everything I'm angry at is ultimately my fault... even if it's hers, because I can't control her and she can't control me, but I can let her control me. As long as I let someone control my actions, then it's still me controlling my fate and ultimately still me making the problems.

Anger passes in full once you accept that YOU and ONLY YOU are in control of everything that happens to YOU.

ZeeyardSA · 2015-08-03T17:30:03+00:00

Time it gets better with time bud.

Its been 4 months since i found the pill and the make belief world world that i had came crashing down on me....It gets better with time...work on yourself and continue doing so all the time

theultmatecad · 2015-08-02T01:40:20+00:00

I'm gonna be tough here. It's for your own good.

There are over 100,000 other men who went through (or are in the middle of) the same anger phase. They use the sidebar.

What made you think you needed a special post for us princess?

ford_contour · 2015-08-02T13:01:34+00:00

Use the anger to lift heavy things. Use it to pursue your passions. It's a resource like any other. You decide whether it rules you, or you matter it.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-08-02T14:44:58+00:00

Own your anger.

It is a part of you and it is a part of your frame. Just remember the anger is at YOU, not at your wife. YOU were the one who let this go on for so long and YOU are the one who can fix it.

I have absolutely forbidden any discussion of the "Dark Times" in our household. That was a completely different person and a completely different relationship. I even make efforts to avoid thinking about those times and will sometimes slap or pinch myself when I start brooding again.

The fact you wasted years or decades following the Blue Pill script is immaterial for the future.

TLDR: Focus on today and tomorrow, not yesterday.

Title	Getting over anger
Author	recon_johnny
Upvotes	1
Comments	31
Date	August 1, 2015 9:43 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3fg4d6/getting_over_anger/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/getting-over-anger.201306 https://theredarchive.com/post/201306

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