OYS 1.1

OYS #1.1 (One month since discovering MRP)

(I posted this late on the last OYS Weekly, so this is a re-post with small edits)

Stats: 34yo, 5'9", 189 lbs., BF 19.2 (Navy)

Background: Raised LDS, Career Beta, Drunk Captain, 99th percentile introvert (per JBP's personality assessment)

Wife: Raised LDS, 32yo, Together 12y, Married 10y, SAHM, teaches music lessons in our home (currently 9 students)

Children: 2yo twin boys

I felt our sex-life was adequate (but very vanilla) before the pregnancy. I wanted more but never pushed. She would almost always get off by dry humping before happily obliging for the main event (sometimes missionary, usu. cowgirl). She could go during shark week, but I wasn't interested in PIV while she was bleeding. She would initiate fairly regularly. We thought this was pretty healthy compared to what we knew from others, and counted ourselves lucky. We probably averaged 6/month.

Two years into marriage, we discovered that I suffered from male infertility (now confirmed that it runs in the family). It is not testosterone-related. Once my career took off and we had decent insurance, we tried to treat it, but had very little luck. Eventually, we chose to anonymously adopt frozen embryos which had been donated by another couple who had done IVF.

Things went straight downhill after that. Once she got pregnant, my wife (and I) went celibate for 18 months. She became completely uninterested in having sex with me, and even now, almost another two years later, our sex life is barely a trickle. She has branched out to occasional handjobs, using a vibrator, and the extremely rare fellatio, but it is almost always duty sex.

So here I am.

I discovered MRP when we were on our first week-long vacation alone after our twins were born, and I was desperate to turn things around. My brain has been melting for the last three weeks as I've tried to absorb everything. It has kept me up into the long hours of the night, and there would be fist-sized holes in my walls if I weren't too weak and pathetic to actually punch through drywall. I started tracking calories a year ago (before RP), and was able to lose about thirty pounds in three months. I've successfully kept that weight off. I know that I have a long, almost impossible road ahead. I share this all with you in the interest of keeping me accountable and on the strait and narrow. I would be especially grateful to the LDS RPers out there. Help me to OMS.

Failures

Too many to count this early. Need to build up frame, pass fitness/comfort tests, not go Rambo/keep things fun, all while adding more Alpha.

Mission

Be the best captain I can be. Lead myself and my family to a life of happiness and abundance. Stand up for my own interests.

Study

Finished MMSLP, MAP, NMMNG, Rational Male Year One Highlights, 16 Commandments, all posts on MormonRedPill subreddit, popular posts on MRP, BPP's YouTube videos.

Reading Pook and TRP Sidebar. Currently listening to JBP podcasts on the side. Will start reading WISNIFG next.

Physical

Did some bodyweight workouts at home while I looked for a gym. Found one and did first 3 workouts of SL5X5, plus assisted chin-ups for arms. Thighs were super-sore after first workout, recovery has been much easier since. Signed up on Monday. Same gym as my wife (it's cheap, convenient, has everything I need, plus childcare, never crowded). Yes, sometimes we go together. When asked, I tell her I'm doing it for me.

I have already seen some improvement in posture. (Back straight, shoulders back.)

New haircut. A lot shorter on the sides than usual. Going to trim the beard every week instead of every three weeks.

Aiming for 1860 calories/day, tracking in MFP. Still working on macros. (And 180g of protein a day?!!!)

I like Dr. Pepper too much to give it up yet.

I have a medical issue that's affecting my hygiene. If it requires surgery, I'll be off of work recovering for two weeks. I have reservations about the surgeons I work with, so I'm looking outside my circle. I need to make an appointment--I've put it off for too long.

Career

I currently make 140K+ and I'm happy with it. There is no room for advancement without going to medical school. I have the option of working more OT whenever I want. I could possibly make more at another hospital, but would have to uproot the family, and would very likely have to take on a lot more stress and responsibility.

I had an issue with a co-worker last year that he took straight to HR. I didn't even know there was an issue. I had to stand my ground, own my mistake, and walk on eggshells for a while. Nothing else ever came of it, but I'm now confident that I can find another position somewhere else if anything else comes up.

I will do a better job of building relationships with my coworkers. This will give me a better foundation with them and will likely prevent future bad impressions.

Financial

My wife and I have a fairly strict budget, and we manage everything together through Mint. We stick very close to the budget, and have plenty in savings to cover unexpected expenses (like the tires we replaced this week on the minivan).

We pay off credit cards every month and reap the rewards. My credit score recently PRed at 843. If I ever get to 850, I'll probably get the report printed and framed!

On Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps 2-4.

Student loans are almost all paid off. We can finish them in twelve months if we stay disciplined.

Family

I love my kids. We have a stable routine, and they are perfectly healthy.

It's not all sunshine and roses, for sure. But most days are good.

I can add more good alpha and beta by being more engaged with the boys when I am home and taking them out of the house more.

Marriage

The last month has been off. We came back from vacation and everybody was sick for a week. Then shark week. Then everyone got sick again (most of us had ear infections). Then in-laws visited for a week.

I don't even know where to start here. Most of my effort has been put into absorbing the reading material. I still don't know most of the time if/when/how my wife is Fitness or Comfort Testing me. On more than one occasion, I've just STFU when I should have used another strategy.

Sometimes I've gotten it right. She wrote me a note last week about "why" she was upset with me and giving me hard nos for sex. The same old reasons: I should be more beta. She did mention some Alpha things (if I do those it will be because I want to--not because she does). At the end she suggested we could go to counseling together. I told her that I would support her if she wanted to go to counseling, but that I would not be going. Then I STFU.

I've initiated at least once every three days. I've flirted and joked about sex at least once a day. 10-second kisses every day when I can sneak them in. A couple weeks ago, I got one good handjob. She even role-played a little bit for that, which is pretty unusual. S Then some average sex this past weekend. I was too busy trying to heighten the energy to notice how into it she was. Usually the Os are fairly obvious.

I know that there is not a whole lot of context for my marriage dynamic here. It's been a weird month. Suffice it to say I've been a career beta and a drink captain, deferring a lot of responsibility and leadership to my wife. I hope to clarify things with more posts in the future.

Goals for the next month

Continue reading Pook and Sidebar. Purchase WISNIFG.

Continue SL5X5 3x/week. Perform an unassisted chin-up. Maintain body weight. 1-2g/kg (86+g) of protein a day. Schedule my doctor appointment. Trim beard weekly.

Engage my co-workers in conversation during my downtime at work. Seek out ways to be more helpful to my co-workers.

Stay on budget. Pay an extra $2K toward student loans this month.

Take my children out of the house once a week. Perform at least one important, non-urgent task at home everyday.

Continue to STFU while recognizing Tests. Learn to appropriately use A/D and A, AM, ignoring, nuking, pressure flip, misdirection, and fogging. Don't DEER. Build something resembling a spine without going Rambo.

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I know that the problem is me. I need a lot more time to improve myself, get a frame, and increase my DSV. Starting Dread Levels 1 and 2. I'll start 3 in a couple months and probably be there for a good while as I catch up in other areas.

I have no doubt you'll roast me. I deserve it. Thanks in advance.