Shit test, comfort test, or crazy bitch?

jacktenofhearts · 2015-06-25T01:04:49+00:00

Whatever the hell this was, I failed it.

You will continue to feel this way as long as you're a thirsty motherfucker who can only evaluate any progress in the context of his wife's attraction to him.

Look. This is going to be the last fucking time I comment on one of your threads. You need to develop and follow a MAP, and be able to intrinsically evaluate how well you're measuring up to it. The fact that you are unable to do this is a huge barrier to anything you want to accomplish. You seem insistent to only evaluate how well you're measuring up in the context of your wife's reactions to you, which we've readily established is likely someone with full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

You are literally asking her gaslight you. Which she's more than willing to do, since NPD is pretty much all about gaslighting. That's why this is so fucking frustrating to me. You can't keep coming here once a week, saying, "Okay, I did some of the Red Pill stuff you guys said, but my wife still won't fuck me, and makes mean comments about me and my appearance, so I don't think I'm doing it right. What should I do instead?"

FUCK.

THAT.

I am going to give you the closest thing to a step-by-step plan to getting your shit together. Everyone else is free to critique it, and I would welcome those critiques, as I don't claim to be the final authority on any of this. But out of principle, it's pretty much driving me crazy on how close you are to getting it, and then falling for the same emotional bullshit from your wife, over and over again.

Develop and follow your MAP, for fuck's sake. It's almost July. Make a list of goals you want to accomplish for the next six months (ie. by the end of the year). The goals should be have a wide breadth across your life: professional, fitness, social, etc. The goals must be objectively concrete. "Lift more" is not a goal. 170 lbs with 10-12% body fat is a goal. If you have 10% body fat, your wife's attraction is fucking irrelevant. It means you're fucking ripped as hell. By any objective standard, you are downright fuckable, and if your wife isn't fucking you, that is her problem.
The rationale for the above is to start with this. "Someone who can do X, is an impressive person." Then go fucking become someone who can do X. It's that simple. You keep reducing yourself to, my wife's not fucking me, so all these things can't be that impressive. Again: FUCK THAT. The goal here is to construct your own frame, and evaluate yourself within that context.
She will likely resist this. She will belittle you, put you down, call you a wanker, or whatever. This is irrelevant. Why? Because I am instructing you to go on a sexual hiatus. Until you accomplish everything in your MAP, you're done attempting to have sex with her. Just don't do it. I'm not saying shut down, and be icy, be cold. Be pleasant. Be a good father. Your MAP should have things like household goals, things like remodeling or whatever that you've wanted to get done. But you're taking sex out of the equation. This seems like a drastic step, and I'm sure this will be controversial among MRP. But I'm instructing you to do this so you stop using your wife's willingness to fuck you as a barometer.
So no sex, for six months, or sooner if you accomplish your MAP earlier. If she offers sex, turn her down. Because it'll probably be starfishy and bad and you'll wonder if you're really making progress, and why she's still so sexually closed off in the event of said progress. That's why this is important. I am suggesting this because it will force you to care about and notice other manifestations of your progress. You will get a raise at work, and feel good about yourself, and you will come home feeling like a million bucks only for your wife will say some shit like, "nice job wanker, took you long enough." And you will be sad because that means she won't fuck you, which will demotivate you from continuing to kick ass professionally. So once again: FUCK. THAT. Your accomplishments are their own reward. Whether they lead to her wanting to fuck you more doesn't matter, because you can't fuck her anyway.

So that's my advice at this point. I understand "don't fuck your wife if she's down" is generally against MRP conventional wisdom. But in your case, so you're so short-sighted about drawing correlations between progress and fucking that I'm suggesting you rip off the band-aid and basically go into a short-term monk mode. My primary hope is that you develop some intrinsic appreciation for your own progress. My secondary hope is that you develop some awareness for secondary appreciation from other people that aren't your wife. When a friend says you're a "fitness freak" because you're committed to the gym, you should not sigh think, well for all the good that does me, my wife won't fuck me. You should think: "damn straight."

RPAlternate42 · 2015-06-25T01:33:50+00:00

They are all crazy.
This was a SHIT TEST.

Her: I really like this (looking at my body), but I'm not attracted to you.

You: I like this too (looking at own body), but I'm not attracted to you.

Her: I really like this (looking at my body), but I'm not attracted to you. You: That's fine. I don't need you to be attracted to me to have sex with me.

Her: I really like this (looking at my body), but I'm not attracted to you.

You: I'm going to go find someone who is... I'll bring her back here around 12:30 tonight. (and then leave.)

Her: I really like this (looking at my body), but I'm not attracted to you.

You: (look dead in her eyes) There's the door... go find someone who fits your standards... but don't come back here. Ever.

Any woman willing to openly insult you like that deserves anything that happens from that.

whinemoreplease · 2015-06-25T05:30:39+00:00

I completely agree with /u/jacktenofhearts. Your posts don't add value to the community and you're not making any strides or internalizing any of the things people have been commenting from what I can see -- which is basically to say, add more substance to what you're doing to improve and how things are going. Without that context and growth, you're wasting people's time by posting 3 sentence conversations. Next time you post, I expect it to be of substance and adding value to the community or I'm just going to simply ban you for an extended amount of time and help your own stated goal of lurking and reading more.

battery_licker · 2015-06-25T01:04:25+00:00

My best guess (we need more details!) is that this episode was her clumsy attempt at giving you the I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You talk as described in Married Man Sex Life Primer (see the sidebar).

I really like this (looking at my body), but I'm not attracted to you.

The second part is pretty simple: she's not attracted to you (though you probably already knew this). The first part about "liking" your body is her hamster trying to make sense of why she wouldn't be attracted to you even though physically, you are still attractive.

This statement is remarkably straightforward, but I believe it is all true.

I don't think I've ever been attracted to anyone.

Translation: "Oh crap. I've said too much. Now I need to say something to throw him off of the terrible truth I've just uncovered." From what you've written, it looks like it worked.

This statement is more than likely blatantly false, and is a result of her trying to abort from the conversation, which she realized in the middle of that she wasn't ready for it.

I believe, based on what you've written (as well as your posting history) that you have simply become a doormat in the marriage. If I were you, I'd start reading Married Man Sex Life Primer and No More Mr Nice Guy from the sidebar. If you've already read them, you need to start applying them. Start acting more assertive and you should be able to slowly turn things around.

sealteamaus · 2015-06-25T12:27:54+00:00

Her: I really like this (looking at my body), but I'm not attracted to you.

Me: Then fuck off?

[deleted] · 2015-06-25T00:55:34+00:00

The hamster came out to play.

newlifeasredpill · 2015-06-25T10:41:25+00:00

You have my permission to go fuck a woman who is attracted to you.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-06-25T15:01:32+00:00

Why do you think you failed?

You pass if you don't get caught up in her emotional storm. You didn't. You passed.

Except look how her little statement rattled your frame!

Getting an attractive body is the first and often most difficult step. You have that, now developing some Alpha is the easy part.

WE KILLED THE MAMOTH. Being Alpha is written into every strand of your DNA. Your ancestors killed every major predator who threatened us. We conquered the world and built civilization. Women had our babies and that was all they were good for until about 1970 when they decided to take over the place.

Start acting like you are a man! Stop caring what a little slip of a ballbusting woman has to say.

Once you stop living in her frame, everything will change.

TLDR: Dread Level 4: If you are not getting the sex you want, why are you giving her the attention she needs?

blarggggggggggg · 2015-06-25T20:46:08+00:00

jacktenofhearts spent a lot of time laying things out for you and I really hope you take what he said very seriously and take action.

You can talk, talk, talk, think, think, think, post, post, post but all this is doing is preventing you from doing, doing, doing so start getting it done and come back in 6 months with an update.

Plan, concrete goals, measurable results, get fucking ready for a shitstorm from the wife as you change and stay solid in your plan and convictions. Good luck!

Title	Shit test, comfort test, or crazy bitch?
Author	aplanatic
Upvotes	5
Comments	19
Date	June 24, 2015 11:56 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3b0hqd/shit_test_comfort_test_or_crazy_bitch/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/shit-test-comfort-test-or-crazy-bitch.201625 https://theredarchive.com/post/201625

Comments