What's your desired end state?

rebbit_reddit · 2017-01-06T22:59:23+00:00

The problem I have found in being too goal oriented is that it meant that I was always living for the future. I would set 1, 5, 10, 20 year goals. After having kids I even started setting 50 and 100 year goals, planning out a dynasty. It is very empowering. It gave me focus. I would try to ensure that every action I took today aligned with my goals for 50 years down the line. And it worked. I have achieved a lot.

However

I was never happy. Because at any given I was always in the process of achieving a goal, I never felt satisfied or happy. I always felt I was in a state of limbo. I would be telling myself that when i finally achieve goal 74 I would be really happy. But when I eventually achieved goal 74, I hardly took a moment to celebrate it. I just set goal 75 and started working towards it. And immediately plunged back into the limbo state, feeling unhappy and unsatisfied. I would buy a good bottle of wine and tell myself that when I achieved a goal I would drink it. But I never opened the bottle.

I realised I have been unhappy most of my life.

So 18 months ago I changed. Nothing like a divorce and a death to make you think. Also the realisation that time passes proportionally more quickly as you get older. Made me realise that ultimately, I (we all?) just want to be happy. I had always thought that was a bullshit platitude. But now I see that it's true. No point being CEO, sitting on a pile of gold if you're not happy.

So I still have goals. The difference is that although I'm always working towards them, I'm living in the Now. Rather than seeing each goal as something fat in the future, I ask myself what I can do right now to take another step on that particular journey. And I take that step. And I enjoy taking that step. And once I've taken that step I pause and acknowledge it before I take the next step. I enjoy the journey, not just look forward to the destination.

Now I drink a good bottle when I achieve a goal. And I have also started to go back and drink those other bottles that I'd saved up and acknowledge which goal it was from the past that I am celebrating. I even write that on the label and keep the empty bottle.

I feel happier and more content. Time even slows down a bit.

Wall of text. Hopefully you get something out of it. Ignore it if you don't relate

[deleted] · 2017-01-06T18:34:08+00:00

Adding some nuance to it.

When I used it there, it wasn't meant to be the magnum opus of a mans life. When a new posters comes here and has issues, he normally lists his entire history, as well as everything his bitch wife doesn't do.

Best way to get to the heart of it. What would need to happen for the man to STFU and be happy at that time?

Usually it involves the wife doing shit, then we know the problem is son is looking for mommy to make him happy.

Sometimes, it involves a man who wants to do something, but is too much of a chickenshit to do so.

Others, he has no idea, and simply wants to lash out. his name is usually [deleted] after the boys have a few rounds with him.

I would say it's not the same as a goal, a mission, or a MAP. In this case, it's literally asking a miserable guy what it would take to make you happy, because you can work strategy around an end state, you can't work it around feelings

.02

drty_pr · 2017-01-06T13:25:30+00:00

End state isn't a linear process. It has more of a fluidity to it. Adapting to the goals as they change is more important than accomplishing the goals themselves.

maitre-pingouin · 2017-01-06T13:47:22+00:00

I hate this question, because the end state for everyone is death, whatever we do.

Acknowledging this, there are a few ways to ask this kind of question.

What do I want to have ? Most of the time, when I have it, I enjoy it for some times, then forget it. It was just a goal, and I got it, then lost it.

What do I want to be ? When I am what I wanted to be, I lose my goal again.

The right question, IMHO, is "what do I want to do". This is a call to action. And action is what we have until we die. Because when I'll be about to die, I won't probably say "I wish I had that", or "I wish I had been that", but "I wish I had done that". Whatever we had or whatever we were will die with us. But what we have done will survive.

Goals sucks. Processes are what we need. Motivation sucks, cultivate discipline.

redmountainpill · 2017-01-06T18:28:16+00:00

Rather than an end-state, I like to look at what drives people. A friend posited there are 4 drivers: money, power, altruism, ego. Find which one drives you the most, invest in it, and you'll be happy.

WhiteTrashKiller · 2017-01-07T06:14:56+00:00

DEATH!

As comfortably as possible.

Everything up til then is a bonus.......

screechhater · 2017-01-09T11:19:08+00:00

First things first - what if you knew fir a fact death was coming tomorrow, next week, next month ?

At some point you have to come to terms with bucket lists or goal setting as you force yourself to take care of yourself to be more attractive and healthier. Suppressing the friendships and wants to be "the mrs man" is where it went to downhill

Done right, she hops on board and little nuances like " i don't like doggystyle," turn into her telling you no "foreplay needed" and her physically guiding you in her and back up/grinding your cock.

Or, suddenly she is exercising and wearing yoga pants and growing her hair back out due to you staying you like looking at her ass in them and like her with long hair

However, it only happens, when it's the real you living and experiencing life as you, in your frame

weakandsensitive · 2017-01-06T22:24:05+00:00

To jerk of guilt free while enjoying my ego trip

Title	What's your desired end state?
Author	wally592
Upvotes	12
Comments	17
Date	January 6, 2017 12:38 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5mdcbz/whats_your_desired_end_state/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/whats-your-desired-end-state.199203 https://theredarchive.com/post/199203

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