"Why can't you just be a nice guy?"

RPAlternate42 · 2015-06-22T03:04:51+00:00

How new are you?

It sounds like you've jarred her perception of you and that's good. Sex will only improve when you've demonstrated that you don't need it from her; she will see this as who is he interested in that's not me?

It's not about how high your SMV is either... It's how high it is to her. She still sees you as the same BP guy with maybe a slightly better body and a little more aggressive, but to her you are a beta stumbling around in hand-me-down alpha costume; it had holes and she can see you in there.

Let me relate how this paradigm shifts:

I was the typical BP "nice guy." Then one day I sort of stopped. I treated her with the same new-RP attitude we are all familiar with: indifference and aloofness with a taint of anger that is just perceptible enough to be off putting. I got lines like:

"Remember when you used to be nice to me?"

"Why can't you be nice?"

My answer was similar to yours: "if that what you want we can rewind back to last September (when I dropped the nuke on her)."

A couple nights ago we had a conversation started by the following question from her:

"Why is everything about sex with you?"

My answer "everything anyone does is motivated by sex."

This prompted a conversation where I laid out some RP knowledge about male-female relationships. The topic of "nice guys" came up and I told her how I was one of these "nice guys" that women claim they want.

"You weren't very nice then."

"I know. We use that term 'nice guy' to describe a guy who thinks he's being nice, and may be sometimes, but is really just an angry asshole."

"You're actually much nicer now."

"I know. And that reason is that I am always pushing sexual angles on you... Touching, kissing, ass-slapping, groping... These are the attentions I give you now... Almost exclusively."

The silence was palpable as the hamster spun down its wheel for a second.

"Am I right. Are these the changes you've seen?"

"...yeah..."

"And you think im nicer now than I was before. When a woman says she's looking for a 'nice guy' they are lying."

The hamster spun up again: "but you used to do stuff for me all the time!"

"And that was just in the hopes that I would get sex. I told you about covert contracts before... Unfulfilled and unannounced expectations... That's what 'nice guys' do: they do shit hoping to get sex and when sex doesn't happen they get pissed. That was me... And that is every 'nice guy.' So do you want that guy, or do you want the guy you have now?"

The hamster spun down... She got quiet.

"Well, who do you want, that guy... Or me?"

"You."

"That's what I thought. So when you say all I care about is sex, remember that it's because I don't pretend to not want sex all the time like I used to."

my point is that she inks you're an asshole right now. Stay on point on your MAP, get some hobbies, build something, apply dread game as necessary and she will realize that you worrying about your own happiness is the nicest thing you can do.

jacktenofhearts · 2015-06-22T01:55:48+00:00

Dude, your problem is you're viewing everything in this lens based on how often your wife fucks you. Stop being so goddamn thirsty man.

Your response was good. But you've been a blue pill beta loser that physical dominance is probably going to seem jarring and uncharacteristic to her. The idea that you're having your way with her, that she's submitting to you out of sheer pleasure and gina tingles, is something she is too afraid to comprehend. It's much more comfortable when she's controlling the sex faucet and knows she can get her thirsty beta bucks husband to comply with anything as long as she gives him a few droplets here and there.

Your frame should be you want fulfilling, passionate sex with a wife that's hot for you. If she doesn't meet that criteria, then that is as good as no sex to you. If she's not willing to give you control of the sex faucet spigot, then fuck it. She'll be resentful at first, but who the fuck cares. Eventually you're either going to drink at her faucet or another one. Once this is clear to her, you'll notice a significant change in her attitude.

Stay the course. Just realize that if you have enough self-doubt to need to post here, you're probably projecting that doubt subconsciously. And that's unfortunate, because it seems like you really do have the right end of the stick when it comes to RP. Stop doubting yourself, which means stop comparing month over month sexual encounters like you're preparing a financial trend report. The trend line for sex will not always match up with your progress. Accept this and you will find you'll dramatically stop limiting said progress.

Bruce_Jennder · 2015-06-22T01:48:27+00:00

Dude, the touching and stuff prove that you are making progress. The "Nice guy" comment is a test, for sure, you just haven't built up enough credibility to answer the way you did and expect agreement. Hold the course. All of this takes time. Remember, you are making changes for you, not her. Only when you are completely credible will she come around.

Don't get all impressed with all these Field Reports where guys say things like "I just read this sub yesterday, and bossed her around at the soccer game and then she gave me the best sex ever". It doesn't work that way.

Time. Proof. Build credibility.

edit:typo

battery_licker · 2015-06-22T01:58:03+00:00

You're so close to getting it right that it's painful, so keep it up.

Your issue with this test was that you responded in an OVERT way, rather than a COVERT way. By saying, "You don't want me to be a nice guy," you're ruining the game for her, because there's nothing she can say--obviously she knows she doesn't want you to be a nice guy.

To respond to this in a covert way, you use Agree & Amplify. Say something like (not necessarily these exact words) "I'm a nice guy--I'm the nicest guy on Earth!" This is a better response because it shows that you know you're not a "nice guy", but in a way that doesn't ruin her "game".

I think the statement "well get the hell off me arsehole" is probably another test. After you failed the first one, she gave you another test to assert yourself in a confident (and covert!) way. You failed that one by following her instructions. That's the type of test you just ignore and continue doing what you're doing. (Note: this is all assuming you have a safe word. If you don't then you need one anyway.)

thegr8b8m8 · 2015-06-22T13:29:32+00:00

Routine shit test. Stop over analyzing.

bismarck8888 · 2015-06-22T17:17:44+00:00

I read on one of the side bar materials, not sure which one, that your wife will often be the last one to really know the changes you are making both physically and mentally.

I have been at it for a little over 3 months, but I think this weekend is when it finally hit my wife straight over the head.

On Friday, we went to my bother-in-law's pool and my wife's entire family was there. I took off my shirt, put on sunscreen, and had the entire family staring at me, followed by "Wow, (insert real name), you look buff" from my brother-in-law. Then a "you are getting a six pack" from my mother-in-law, and general praise from the rest of the family. They were going on and on to both me and her.

I think my wife took it hard. My SMV has raised significantly and her family was hitting her over the head with it. She felt bad about herself and later ate less and said she wanted to work out more (she is petite and looks good, not some fatty).

For the next 24 hours she shit tested me like crazy. I swatted the tests away like flies and held my ground like never before. After that, sex time, followed by a text asking when I was getting home for more sex. She was waiting for me on the bed in the afternoon with lingerie on.

The point is, keep at it. It is up to you to change yourself, and if you answer to yourself, others will eventually follow. Your wife expects the Beta you and can be the last to acknowledge the Beta you is dead. Use others to convince her you are Alpha now. But most importantly, convince yourself you are an Alpha, the rest will come.

theultmatecad · 2015-06-22T02:34:15+00:00

"The thing that's changed is that I don't feel bad when she says things like that."

That means you are on the right track. Keep lurking and lifting and improving your SMV. Keep escalating with the wife and continue to devalue her importance in your life.

It takes time bro... the fact that you are no longer feeling bad is a huge milestone. Never again should you take a word a woman says serious

Sepean · 2015-06-22T07:41:48+00:00

Hold the course. Things are working, there's touching, kissing.

And then she shit tests you bad, to see if you will fold when sex is on the line. To see if you'll care about the rejection enough that you'll go back to being her nice guy.

You're probably not at the point where she's really hot for you. She's liking the changes, but she's not sure they're real yet. You have to convince her that you're the real deal, a real alpha and not just a poser, by passing these shit tests. Everytime you pass them, her perception of your SMV goes up a notch.

And you are probably going to get tested worse. She's going to do her best to convince you that you're being an arsehole, that she hates guys like that, blah blah. Don't fall for it. It's a test.

Aspiring_Hobo · 2015-06-22T15:39:40+00:00

Dude, right now she feels that she has you figured out and on lockdown. You're not cool to her anymore. Honestly, just go get some side. It'll raise your swagger back up. You ain't even gotta actually have sex with another woman, but your wife just has to know that other women still find you attractive. When she does, she'll get competitive and start trying to earn her place again.

But it has to be a righteous fuck. You have to explain the logic to your wife. But just start dressing in your best "I'm going to get some pussy." outfits no matter where you're going. Even if it's just to the grocery store, wear a top hat and dress like the Monopoly Man. She'll feel your vibe and get her act together.

Title	"Why can't you just be a nice guy?"
Author	aplanatic
Upvotes	19
Comments	21
Date	June 22, 2015 1:18 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3anukj/why_cant_you_just_be_a_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/why-cant-you-just-be-a-nice-guy.201647 https://theredarchive.com/post/201647

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