Made to feel like I'm missing out on life

iambreathing · 2023-04-24T12:48:14+00:00

I hope you find a wonderful day today as well.

I wouldn't say you're wrong with not taking part in clubbing, FWBs, drinking, and all of that stuff if it just doesn't interest you. Although those are popular things, they aren't a prerequisite to enjoying yourself and enjoying your life. If they genuinely don't interest you then don't worry about them.

That said though, are you doing anything to give your life experience? I don't agree that in order to live life you must do X, Y, and Z specifically but I do agree that a person should put themself out there in some capacity to enjoy the "living" part of life. It's great that you are focus on your academics but I don't believe that should be the only way you spend your time and energy. Do you have any other outlets or any other things that you are passionate about?

ZulutheZebra · 2023-04-24T13:39:47+00:00

Life is yours to do with what you will; don’t let people guilt you into doing things you would rather not.

With that being said however, I would suggest sitting down and being brutally honest with yourself about the reasons why you are not doing those things. If you can honestly, One hundred percent say you have no interest in those things then move forward with that confidence in your decision.

If however there are other things holding you back, a fear of rejection or something similar, then I would encourage you to factor that in. I was someone who went to college and literally just studied and hung out without trying to find a GF, go to parties or anything like that and personally I regretted it years later. When you get to the workforce you will never again be around such a huge group of peers, so the opportunities to try partying, sex whatever becomes much less of a thing. Not trying to influence your decision one way or another, just saying that was my experience and it’s important to realize that things will change in a few years.

Silent331 · 2023-04-24T15:51:16+00:00

You are young, focusing on your academics is important and focusing on your future is important. There is no problem with not drinking or not liking clubs, but you do still need build your social skills much like you are building your future job skills. You want to maintain relationships and if you never have fun with friends, you will lose those relationships.

I have said this before but even know school and work are extremally important, the goal in life is not to be buried in a solid gold casket. If you want a family in the future, you also have to make sure you are building yourself to be the kind of person your future wife will want to spend the rest of their life with. Income strong, intellectually wise, socially adept, caring and understanding, physically fit. You wont be able to obtain the skills necessary to attract the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with without any practice.

Disastrous-Star-7746 · 2023-04-24T16:33:29+00:00

I'll tell you, I felt pressured to jump into some of that in college and it didn't make me happier, and I had some serious interpersonal problems/beef with some folks once we were all drunk/whatever.

I got to leaning on drink and I'm still having trouble finding the balance.

I would put in some effort to find alternatives, like trivia night where people are having a couple beers vs clubbing and bottle service. Or since you mentioned interest in other hobbies, just spend that beer money on an OK mountain bike and start riding (don't forget a helmet) or get a guitar and start plucking away.

If you just have a morbid curiousity about it, go check it out. But remember that vice requires practice, and you may as well be practicing something else.

As I went through my 20s and most of my 30s, I've noticed many many people have set aside most/all substance use and there are lots of options that don't involve it. You may just be ahead of your time, which is ok. Just do what interests you

uniptf · 2023-04-24T16:54:48+00:00

You're not missing out on much by skipping drinking, clubbing, and FWBs. They all (can) involve immediate-moment excitement, and maybe some very short-term boosts in mood and interactions with people, but there's not much else, and not really anything that's long-term beneficial. Okay, maybe you learn of some musical acts you like long-term and get lifelong entertainment from. Maybe you learn some things about what you like and don't sexually. Who knows. You will spend lots of money, and have lots of nights and days of drama. You will, however, possibly learn some social skills. Maybe that will be worth it to you, maybe not. You can learn social skills at a nice quiet wine and cheese tasting, or a regional restaurant sampling fundraising event, or at a toastmasters' meeting, or a meet-up for a subject or pastime you enjoy, and you don't have to learn them clubbing and drinking.

Partying and clubbing can help you form some friendships among your college peers that may last for a long part of your life, but may not. That's a toss-up. Most of it leads to over-consumption and the kinds of conflicts and sickness that accompany it. It can be occasionally fun when with people you already have close and good relations with, but is often more trouble than it's worth. People get in disagreements, arguments, fights; get kicked out of places; get sick from over doing it; get in legal trouble or badly hurt from things like DUI problems; and more.

and for night driving? I don't trust anyone even my own hands to have control of the car

Maybe that's overdoing it a bit, unless you don't trust yourself driving in the daytime too. Night drives can be really enjoyable, you just drive slowly and keep your highbeam/bright lights on, and give yourself time to see, process, and react to things. Take a friend with you, and don't act crazy, and you can have a really nice experience.

The bottom line is that you don't have to like what other people like, or do what other people have fun doing, or do what others tell you you "should try". You might find it worth trying things once or twice before you draw a conclusion, because none of us ever know whether we like or dislike something until we try it, but you still don't have to. It's totally fine for you to identify what ways of spending time you enjoy, and what you want your life to be like, and only do what you want, and build your own peer group and life based on what you like and want, and not what others have fun doing. You've listed in another comment several things you're trying out to see if you like them. That's fine, and you can build yourself a totally enjoyable life doing just those, without clubbing and drinking and friends with benefits and night drives.

Concentrating on your studies, and learning the information you want for a future career is quite useful, and can benefit you far more in the future than clubbing and drinking, so feel free to chose the former over the latter.

Be yourself. Be proud to be yourself. Do what you like, consider trying other things a couple/few times, and build the life you want and enjoy purely from your own tastes and desires.

kiadragon · 2023-04-25T12:53:55+00:00

From the perspective of an older professional who was academically oriented early in life and went down the path of partying and playing later, your friends have the timeline a little off.

If you spend yourself in your twenties and thirties on parties, clubs, drugs, booze, hookups, and lifestyle...by the time you hit your 40s you are prematurely aged, broke, and your body is falling apart from neglect. Your kids are out of the house, but you are too tired and broke to party. Or you are broke from paying child support and your sex life is porn.

Go ahead and chase more academic goals and use your youthful energy toward building your mind, body, and portfolio. When you are in your later years, you are not broke. You have not damaged your health with excess. You are richer, healthier, and physically more capable then your peers who wasted their youth. You become the Chad or at least closer to one.

The decade of your 50s in the USA is a person's most profitable years in terms of employment compensation. Your 40s are a close second.

It is not a myth that a 50 something male who is stable and financially secure (not rich, just stable) can be pulling 30 somethings easily and 20 somethings if he's got game.

Go ahead and party a bit from time to time. Know what it's like. But save most of it for when you are a little older and Top G in the room.

Title	Made to feel like I'm missing out on life
Author	KingBacon42069
Upvotes	18
Comments	13
Date	April 24, 2023 11:30 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/12xcg0j/made_to_feel_like_im_missing_out_on_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/made-to-feel-like-im-missing-out-on-life.1216799 https://theredarchive.com/post/1216799

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