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Advice for men in their 20s?

December 20, 2022

I think the title says it all.

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Post Information
Title Advice for men in their 20s?
Author KingBacon42069
Upvotes 20
Comments 12
Date December 20, 2022 11:36 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
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[–]ilicklikelassie 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Make sure you are happy by yourself and that you are not trying to find that in someone else. If you do you are in for a huge heartbreak.

Definitely save money but don’t shorthand yourself by not spending money on yourself. Consider yourself an investment.

Take care of your health. Once you get older it becomes more difficult. If you can turn this in to a habit, it will benefit you greatly in the long run.

Get laid as much as you can. But make sure you are not stringing them along. Play with their boobs not their heart.

[–]Ecuadorian_ 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If COD annoys you take a break. You don’t have to force yourself to enjoy something.

[–]Sydnaktik 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't know about your specifics so I'll speak to young men in general. I've ended up writing a whole dissertation. While many of the stuff I write are things that I've believed in since I was a child, I think it still counts as a result of learning from experience, because many of the things I've believed in as a child has proven to be invalid. So what's left has shown itself to have survived the test of time.


There are two major things that if you don't have enough of it, then it's everything: sex and money.

When you don't have enough of it, your mind will trick you into thinking that you need an unlimited supply of it. This is a lie don't fall for it.

Don't listen to people who promise you the path to unlimited sex / money. They are also lying to you and probably just trying to take your money somehow.



Live below your means when it comes to the expensive stuff. Most people get the most expensive housing situation they can afford. Then with the money that's left they get the most expensive car they can afford. And with the money that's left they can the most expensive furniture/stuff they can afford. And then they're barely getting by when it comes to buying food or dealing with unexpected expenses.

Live far below your means when it comes to housing and transportation. And then you're covered financially. If you can afford your own apartment, go live with roommates. If living with roommates is the best you can afford go live with your parents.

Do the same with transportation, from decent car to used car, to public transportation to bicycle. Get the one that well below what you can afford.

This advice obviously won't work for everyone. Some people's home situation is just completely impossible and some people live in an area or have a job that require you to own a car. But the improvement in quality of life that you get from being worry free when it comes to money is absolutely massive, and you can get it just by simply making some serious concessions when it comes to housing and transportation.


For money, don't try and become a multi-millionaire, it's a scam. Just get yourself one of the well established careers (trades / management / IT / doctor / finance / law). Be careful, these each have really low revenue tracks. Make sure that whichever one you go for, you have a way to get into one of the reasonably well paid options. Do NOT look down on the trades, they are many very well paid careers in there: welder, electrician, even plumber.

Also, beware of the very well paid career options. They all come with SERIOUS downsides. For example, IT at a high level is very tiring on the mind, don't underestimate that. Make sure you know the long term costs of your career path and develop a plan to mitigate / reduce that cost. Especially in some of the trades, doing things wrong in your 20s can mess you up for your whole life.


If you have credit card debt, then you have the very best investment vehicle in the world: paying back your credit card debt. Any extra money you have available for investing goes to the credit card debt instead. Try never to get into credit card debt again.

Don't do crypto. It's ALL ponzi schemes.

Beyond that, most people in their 20s don't have much extra spending money. But if you do, I still think it's important to not underestimate the value of living it up while you're still young and full of energy. Which means spending the money you have. But with investment's exponential growth, the earlier you start the more it's worth in the end. If you expect to only be holding that cash for a couple of years, you should buy fixed income investments, your bank typically offer these. You get nearly insultingly low interest rates, but they're still much better than what your typical savings account gives you. If it's for 5 years or more, I recommend the stock market. If you're a gambler / risk taker you can look into making your own stock picks, stick to medium or large businesses, stay away from penny stocks, use the Warren Buffet style of investments, stay away from meme stocks.

The general idea is that if you invest in your own stock picks, make very few buys and sells over 5 years, it's just a very slow form of gambling except that in this situation, the house odds are in your favor. If you make a lot of buy / sells, you typically lose a tiny percentage either through fees or through the "spread" or if you use some of the fancier investment strategies, you get hit buy small "overnight fees" and the such. These tiny fees add up and turns the house odds back against you. Buy stocks outright and hold them for years, this keeps the odds in your favor.

If you want to play it safe, invest in large ETFs such as SPY (also known as S&P 500). If you hold it for 10 years you're quite guaranteed to beat fixed income investments, but don't expect to have as good return as it has had in the past.


When it comes to sex and intimacy things can get complicated. About 20% are attractive enough that doing the first thing that came to mind was enough to get sufficient success by their 20s. But for most it's not that simple. I still don't even know what's really good advice and what isn't.

I'll say this much. Women tend not to give that good advice. PUA / red pillers / gurus prey on your inclination to want unlimited sex to sell you a nearly impossible, and even actually undesirable dream. But they also seem to be the only ones that includes real advice in their content, the key aspects seem to be: learn to groom and dress yourself well, be in good physical health / shape, acquire solid social skills, learn to be financially and emotionally self sufficient, get more opportunities to meet women.

Don't overestimate how well you need to do in each of these. Getting just a little bit better at a few of them is going to be enough for most people. And most importantly, your chances go up very fast in your 30s. So don't be too anxious about your lack of success in your 20s, keep working on improving yourself bit by bit and you'll be almost guaranteed success by your early 30s.

As others have suggested, putting all your energies towards getting women in your 20s if you have attractiveness or charisma issues. The odds are against you in your 20s but they're more in your favor in your 30s.


For school, careful not to waste your money. Cost of education has ballooned to crazy levels over the last 100 years. One trick I found, is go to the school's website and pretend you're an employer looking for an intern or new hire. See how easy / hard it is to find out how to do that and how well you're sold on hiring from there. 95% of universities are absolute shit at it, but the 5% that are good at it have the very best employment opportunities and salaries on the graduation end even if they may not be the most well known or expensive ones.

[–]Sydnaktik 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

continued (I went over the character limit)

People / Friends

Last but not least. Maintaining a good friends group. Good friends are people who help you feel connected on a regularly basis and can be there for you either in practical or emotional matters when you need it on occasion. But in general, you should be able to manage your own shit.

As you get in your 20s - mid twenties. The venues that used to automatically hand feed you friends disappear and now you have to go out and make friends on your own.


You should respect yourself in your interactions with others. You should distance yourself from people who don't respect themselves or don't respect you.

I would personally warn against making close friends with "woke" or "simp" men. They don't respect themselves and they don't respect other men. I would also warn against the opposite "hypermasculine" men. They might pay lip service to the idea of respect, but often the hypercompetitiveness makes it so that this respect doesn't materialize. But at the end of the day, the key word here is respect. You should respect yourself in your interactions with others and distance yourself from people who don't respect you or don't respected themselves. Don't fall into the trap of trying to make other people respect you, it's a waste of time and energy. Instead just go find people who just respect you for being you.


There's a story about boundaries I heard somewhere but forgot where. In many ghetto neighborhoods, kids play friendly games of basketball without a referee. Sometimes some kids start to play a bit more agressive, shoving you about a little. If they figure out they can shove you around with impunity they may start shoving you around outside the basket ball game and this can get escalated to beating you up or taking your lunch money, etc..

The key thing is to make sure you can get people to respect your boundaries: do not let them do things to you that make you feel uncomfortable. If you do, they may begin to escalate and start taking advantage of you, others may lose respect for you or even join in on the abuse.

Making sure that your boundaries are respected is really complicated, is filled with nuanced and depends a lot on the cultural context and the situation. But in the worst case scenario, there is always one simple solution: you distance yourself from the person that is infringing on your boundaries. Sometimes this may be more difficult if that person is a core member of your friends group of if they are a coworker. But even then the options become: get that person kicked out of the friends group/job or find a new friends group or job. Or you can always work harder to identify the more complicated, nuanced and culturally appropriate response that will get that person to respect your boundaries.

But the point is, be aware of your boundaries and don't let yourself be repeatedly in a situation where your boundaries are getting violated.

Fun and Logistics

In terms of fun and logistics, it's the equivalent to "game" and "pick up" when it comes to love. There's the idealistic vision of what should be the core of what makes friendship work and then there's the reality. And the reality is that one of the core components is fun and logistics.

People will want to be friends with you if your fun to be around and they won't want to be friends with you if you're not fun to be around.

The word "fun" in that sentence is the fun part. And the words "be around" is the logistics.

You need to bring entertainment value to your friend's lives somehow. It's not enough to just be a good person. Also, somebody needs to do the boring work of setting up the logistics of getting all the friends at the same place (physical or virtual) and at the same time.

As a bonus, if you're the one who does the logistics and creates the entertainment then it's a lot easier for you to not invite the people who don't respect you / don't respect your boundaries.

Location, Location, Location

If you're having problems with making friends. There's a very good chance that you're the problem. Make sure you're taking care of your own shit instead of trying to dump the responsibility for that on your friends, do the fun and logistics thing. But if even after that you just can't seem to find anyone take you can vibe with in your area, there's a fair chance that your "area" is the problem.

The sorts of people you'll meet in New York, vs Los Angeles vs Miami are very different. And in different countries there are a lot of differences as well. You can get a massive improvement in your quality of life if you relocate to somewhere with a culture better adapted to your lifestyle.

[–]isuckatmusictheory 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” — Will Durant

Also, I suggest doing the things you want to do but are afraid to do. If you care enough to be afraid, you care enough to do it. Face those fears. We all have fears, bravery is about facing them.

[–]Clear-Carry-1665 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Read Mastery by Robert Greene. Helped guide me a lot in my 20s with a career path/ general mindset

[–]Sword_of_Damocles_55 11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Save money

Focus on yourself, not women

Don't ever pay rent, stay home with parents as long as you can. Trust me

[–]JusJxrdn 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What if the parents are abusive, what should you do then?

[–]BlackoutWalksAlone 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's the case for my situation. Everyone is different. In that case, the best option would be to get a place on your own but try to get something cheap if possible. If that's not possible, then getting out of the house as much as you can is the best you can do. That's at least what I was told for the past 6-7 years now. It's a hard life to live

[–]AvoidPinkHairHippos 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Never never sacrifice your well-being and your future for someone else who isn't your family or really really really close friends

Aside from those exceptions, always put yourself and your interests first.

(I say this despite generally voting left, because too many men are exploited by society)

[–]Offmeoff 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don’t get married. Period. You WILL regret it.

[–]Ok_News4073 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Use your past education in a way that is advantageous to you.

Like for me I barely went to college yet I did finish high school.

I look back at my schooling all the way back to kindegarten and try to use what I was taught.

One thing that has been serving me so much is writing. I remember in elementary the teachers drilling you on reading and writing. I don't read much apart from online though.

Writing is so important that it's taught to everyone from a very young age, virtually everyone is a trained writer. Writing can be your therapist, it can be your business partner, writing can be your savior.

Things like that. Even looking back at little lessons that you remember from your teachers, (who were paid to give you attention BTW, $100,000+ a year even). Like may your you remember your teacher keeping a lizard or something like that. It's an insight on something an educated person wanted to share with you to keep for the rest of your life, a very thoughtful activity or thought.

I can go on, it's some valuable stuff, you may find looking back especially at a young age. You may have learned something back then that they don't even teach now.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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