I do not like the person I've become.

cravin_mor · 2022-06-10T08:53:08+00:00

As you changed to that quite and soft person, you proved yourself that you can change in the other direction, bud (because the change was possible in the first place). It wasn't a irreversible change like a lost limb.

Like you SLOWLY and bit by bit changed into the soft person, you can take little bits and change it back. it may feel weird and maybe a bit wrong, because everyone told you so, but just change the things back to were you want with little steps. Find a balance between your wishes and your environment. Being confident doesn't mean to smash and squish another person's hand for example. The handshake can still very present and tight. Also depending on the person you shake hands with. With a dude, you can push the limits a bit further. with a woman, you should hold back a bit more. Just normal stuff - being considerate.

a-man-from-earth · 2022-06-10T05:57:00+00:00

Sounds like you need to find a balance.

FatherOfLights88 · 2022-06-10T06:01:56+00:00

Now that you can see the hole you find yourself in, for what it really is, you can begin to climb out.

You have the memories inside you of what you 'used to be'. You also have the memories of all that's come between who you are vs. who you've become. Try to imagine who you'd be if you hadn't been so sensitive to other people's misperceptions and projections. Become that person. One firm handshake at a time.

Through this experience of having lost yourself, you now have a more clear image your level of sensitivity. Instead of a thick skin, like the average person, yours is as delicate and impressable as fine tissue paper. You'll need to push back on people who thteaten to tear it, as well as form psychological boundaries to keep those kinds of people at more than arm's distance, but all the way across the street.

Does this make sense?

KingBacon42069 · 2022-06-13T17:29:54+00:00

Thanks man!

mule_roany_mare · 2022-06-10T11:03:11+00:00

... So I have a different take.

It sounds like you really value absolute bullshit. Being loud & firm handshakes? Remember how ridiculous Trump looked bringing power his handshakes onto the world stage?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T84se4fc4KU

Being loud?

It sounds like you took good advice. I define masculinity ultimately as the willingness to stand up for yourself and what's right, but not bullshit.

Why do you feel the need to present yourself as bigger & more important recently? It's possible you do actually need to fight for some respect, but you have to earn that respect with meaningful action.

What makes you respect another person?

UnHope20 · 2022-06-10T19:07:27+00:00

It can be hard when you don't like the person that you've become.

Give yourself grace as you figure things out. In the meantime, we're happy to be digital buds.

Title	I do not like the person I've become.
Author	KingBacon42069
Upvotes	31
Comments	17
Date	June 10, 2022 5:08 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/v903lj/i_do_not_like_the_person_ive_become/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/i-do-not-like-the-person-ive-become.1209616 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209616

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