~ archived since 2018 ~

Man, life is unfair

February 23, 2023

I just had an experience that shook me to my core. I'm not sure why, but I feel like I need to share it somewhere

About 3 months ago, I quit my job at a restaurant. While working there I got pretty close with a guy my age who got hired about the same time as me. I saw a lot of similarities of my past self in him. Just lots of self-loathing and depression, and that feeling of hopelessness. Like "does it ever get better?" kind of mindset.

He's got that "trooper" mentality, like I knew he would hold on and eventually make out the other side given enough time. I was the same way. I just tried to be a shoulder to lean on, someone who understood and didn't try to force them to change.

I lost contact after I quit, but I went back today to visit, and by coincidence he was working. I ended up having a pretty long chat with him in the back, just picking up from where we left off. But something seemed off. He seemed to not really talk about or even have a concept of his future. It was like he only thought in days or weeks.

Finally about half an hour in, after I started to ask why he didn't seem to be thinking about his future at all, he lifted up his shirt and showed me a blotchy patch of skin that was slightly darker than the rest of his skin. "I got diagnosed with skin cancer last week. It's spread a decent amount, and it's near my organs, so there's a good chance it's fatal."

You know how in movies someone will say something, and everything kind of stops? Like the character just withdraws into their mind and has some profound realization within a split second? It was like that for me.

For the past year I have worked obsessively to improve and unlock all the joy and adventure life has to offer. I almost forgot about my past self, the kid who didn't think he would live past 20. The kid who sat around all day playing video games, hoping to be hit by a truck or receive a terminal cancer diagnosis.

This former coworker didn't even get a fair shot. All life had to do was let him live for a little bit longer, and he would have made it. Why the fuck is life so cruel and unfair.

I'm surrounded by kids who are spoiled to no end, and get everything handed to them on a silver platter. Looks, smarts, popularity, health, money, you name it. And for whatever reason, life has consistently served this kid a heap of shit. Poor family life, abuse, depression, bullying, and now cancer. He's such an amazing soul, he has so much to offer, so many lessons to learn and so many gifts to give, and life just kills him off. Man just wanted to be happy and make others happy, why the hell does he deserve this? Fucking hell.

Most of the spoiled brats I know will likely live long, selfish lives, where they contribute little to the world and self-indulge, causing pain and hardship for others until they die in a hospital bed at 85. This kid had so much to teach and so much to give, and life decides to throw him one last middle finger.

I wanna cry, but I can't bring myself to tears. I'm not much of a cryer.

The only good thing I can make out of this fucked up situation is that it shook me to my core, and has caused me to shift my perspective on what's important in life. I had hard shit, but compared to this kid I guess I'm pretty lucky. Count my blessings I suppose.

Life is fucking cruel man.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the subreddit /r/MenSupportMen.

/r/MenSupportMen archive

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

Post Information
Title Man, life is unfair
Author PickleJewler
Upvotes 48
Comments 9
Date February 23, 2023 3:03 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–]CLongtide 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for sharing. As I read your post, I was genuinely relieved to read and feel the empathy in your words. Sometimes I think most people are "deaf" and or immune to what life can throw at people over and over to the point where we actually don't appreciate anything we have, even just the ability to see more than a week ahead in life.

As depressed as I am, this helped some and I feel for this person that you are talking about and I hope life can give him one big party before he goes. I would.

[–]keker0t 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I tend not think about such things more than required as this makes too much depressed to live my own life in a proper manner but I am relieved to see that I am not alone and there are people who feel empathy and think about such things. Atleast he got noticed by you which is little win in my mind in this world, what really entails is the realisation of helplessness that I cannot do anything for them other except maybe have failed attempt at showing empathy.

[–]MRHistoryMaker 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have been obsessed with this of late as well. There are
people I've known in my life who have died of cancer. The first one was a woman
in who had just got married and she got breast cancer. It had been in remission
but then it came back. She was in her 40s when she died she had two children
she had a job that she liked but now she's gone. I knew another guy he was three
or four years younger than me in his early 30s. Never had a girlfriend he never
got a job like a career. He did graduate from college. One day he has seizures
and it keeps falling and they find out he has a tumor. So the doctors operate
and then remove it and he's OK for a while. And then it comes back and then
about this time last year he decides this go into Hospice care. And now he's
gone. Then there was a YouTuber I watched all the time he was funny he was
successful he had a good group of friends he played games with online. And then
he gets a brain tumor and he just died a couple days ago. A college professor I
have his wife she was like 38 she got COVID back in April of 2020. She never
recovered fully she had what they call long COVID. She had pain every day in
her nervous system the pain must have been awful. She was in and out of the
hospital the last two years. She had two sons and a husband that loved her. she
took her own life because the pain was too bad to terrible. Apparently, this
was not the first attempt. All these things are so sad I can't comprehend them
honestly. Sometimes it keeps me up at night. I wonder if bad things like this
happen as a warning to the rest of us that life is short life is precious time
is finite.
I don't understand either. To me As a Christian I know that
God put us on this planet. When it's our time it's our time we do not get to
decide. God decides. All we get to decide it's what we do at the time we have
do we waste it or do we do something with it. I'm not really sure what is the
definition of wasting the time we have means or doing something with the time
we have means. We should try to love those around us and help those who need
help and try to leave society better then we found it. But if you really want
the reality of the situation how much good can one man do in this world full of
darkness and pain and fear.
I'm getting so cynical and jaded nowadays I may not be the
best person to answer those questions.
maybe an answer could be this life is so fragile we must
appreciate every moment.

[–]Crunch-Potato 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've been milling this over for years and the old man in the sky deciding for us just doesn't fit. To my mind that is the human interpretation we are bound to make, as it's closer to our understanding.

The God of everything I reckon is the fabric of it all, it creates, it destroys, it has opportunity. And we are struck by luck/misfortune because of the rules it operates on, not because someone really hates us in particular.
In the same way nature decides which plant will grow and which wither, it's not a personal claim of power over them, it's just how nature rolls.

And we often get quite a distorted idea of how it should be, that God should be the good stuff and devil does the bad. But God actually made the whole thing happen, we just need to find understanding.

[–]BlackoutWalksAlone 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hope I don't sound insensitive for saying this but there is this saying "only the good die young". I'm not sure how old he is but I assume that he could've lived a little bit longer than this.

It can be hard for me to have empathy for others through my experience. I even once heard at some ACA meeting (from a woman) saying that she knows life is unfair because if it was fair, she would either be dead or in jail. So she doesn't care if life is unfair or not. Those are the type of people I don't wanna be around. I also hate it when people say that everybody has 100% control over their lives and if they want something, all they have to do is take control over their lives and take it. It's not that simple at all and I hate this black and white thinking so many people have. Sometimes you don't have the resources to get out, sometimes you're trapped in a certain environment, some type of abuse (physical, mental, emotional, neglect, etc) or sometimes some random event out of nowhere pops up and you're powerless to do anything about it.

For me, I'm kinda in a similar way as you two I guess. I really assume that I won't live until I'm 30 or past 30. Because I know that living another 30-40 years exactly how I'm living now would be a never ending nightmare. A part of me wants to die but a part of me also doesn't want to waste some of the good resources I have that I know I'll never get again. I'm not staying alive because life is beautiful or anything like that (again, from my experience). It's just to make sure things don't get worse for myself. I definitely can say my perspective has changed in the past couple of years and it's all about trying to make the best out of what I've got and trying not to beat myself up over it (too much, I still struggle with that a lot).

[–]a-man-from-earth 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Life is fucking cruel man.


[–]uniptf 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry for the situation your friend is facing, and the sadness is has brought to you.

It's tough for us to learn, the first few or several times, that life is not "fair", and that real life doesn't reflect all the stories we're told as kids, in books and movies and more, that everything will be wonderful, and there is a happily ever after. The transition into maturity that life experience brings is not often very pleasant.

I'm sorry for your sadness, and for your disillusionment.

The best thing you can do for yourself in the face of this is to realize that, even with the truths you've learned, you can make your life happy and rich. You just have to really live every day, and savor every experience. Make the most of every single day that you possibly can. Be mindful of everything, every day, and wring out of everything ever bit of pleasure, and joy, and appreciation, and beauty, that you can find.

Next year is not guaranteed. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Arriving home after work today is not guaranteed. But there is richness and satisfaction and the potential for joy in every breath you take, and everything you taste, and every interaction with your friends and family or even with strangers in the grocery store or the line you wait in to buy movie tickets.

Let your friend's approaching death move you to live, and to extract from every experience you have the best and most that you can. It will bring you peace and happiness.

[–]Crunch-Potato 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hope you sit down with him one day and share all of this, because that is what most people need, not a sympathy brigade, but a real raw conversation.

[–]richsreddit 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Man, life is unfair

That part...I cannot even count the number of times this thought crosses my mind every time I see fucked up shit going on in my life as a man as well as the shit I see other good men go through for absolutely no reason other than being at the 'wrong place' and the 'wrong time'. I wish there was some kind of evidence of hope or a way out of this shit but sadly we have yet to find out.

I have a friend who recently told me that his doctor found some sort of lump that could be cancerous in his throat and he's going to get it checked out by a doctor next week. This guy is one of the most chill dudes I ever met and I almost never see him have hate or anger towards anyone for most of the time I've known him. Just a great person overall and here I see him getting served a shitty ass hand right now while I (an absolute degenerate and waste of space) get to continue living with this 'healthy enough' body where I can see more years for me until fate takes me out. Even worse is how my own mental health is just so shitty that I just think about not wanting to live or even be here yet I see so many people out who are genuinely enjoying their life in a healthy manner who ultimately end up with this undeserved situation.

I can only hope that the ultrasounds and x-rays he's taking will indicate that the tumor or lump is not life threatening but honestly the possibility is still there and when he told me the news my heart dropped. While I appreciated that he valued our friendship enough to tell me such a personal detail I was angry and depressed at the fact that this kind of crap is happening to him while I still have to live out an entire miserable life that I wish I never had sometimes. Still nonetheless I must find a way to live this life out even if my mental health makes it so difficult to do so. If I don't then it would be an insult to the memory of my friends who enjoyed their lives fully despite passing away at an earlier point in life.

While I can insult and talk myself down all day, I would never wish that or do that to those close friends and people in my life who have done far more for me than I ever could for them. Honestly it's hard to know what to do when we are faced with this level of frustration and sadness but ultimately we gotta find a way man...we just gotta find a way.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2023. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter