I'm in a weird spot right now, and need some advice from wiser men to guide me in a good direction.
I'm in my last year of High School. Middle school and high school were heavily traumatizing, so I took the opportunity this year to take an IT course at a technical center to make up my remaining credits, rather than going to high school. I also took the opportunity to do a paid IT internship, which is a pretty solitary and non-mentally-taxing job.
All of this has massively improved my mental health, but has diminished my social and dating life. Here is where my main struggle right now lies:
I'm lonely. I haven't kissed a girl in over a year, and I haven't been on a date in like 6 months. I've been doing the whole redpill "focus on yourself" thing: going to the gym daily, figuring out how to make money, exploring hobbies, reading self-improvement books, dressing well, etc. This stuff has sure improved the attention I get from women, (I meet verryy few women nowadays but I'd say like 80% or so of the ones I talk to are obviously interested) but it doesn't change the fact that I'm ass at the dating process and crave female attention. I know, I know, it's the "weak beta" thing to want some women in my life, I should just be focusing on myself and all, but even after quitting porn I can't seem to rid myself of the craving and void I feel. It's much less of a sexual craving, and much more of an emotional craving.
I really am AWFUL at the dating process. I can strike up a conversation, nervously get a number if I'm feeling bold, but if I can get them to go out 1 on 1 I'm too nervous and oblivious to even hold hands, let alone cuddle or kiss. Social skills are pretty good, intimacy skills are terrible.
This doesn't help that the only close friend I have left is dating hot girls left and right. The dude that used to be laughed at by girls is suddenly attracting tons. And he's very critical and competitive with me about girls. He criticizes me for having no balls and being bad at dating, and sometimes will even steal girls I'm obviously interested in just to prove he can. He used to be jealous when I was getting all the girls a couple years ago, and I think he's taking the opportunity to feel superior to me for once.
I know that if I stay consistent, it's all supposed to pay off one day, but when? When will I suddenly have balls and be able to date girls without screwing shit up and constantly feeling inferior? How do I pick apart this puzzle that's keeping me stuck and confused?