~ archived since 2018 ~

Mid-week check-in

December 7, 2021

How are you guys doing? Remember that we're all human, and it's okay not to feel okay. Some days are better than others...

Please feel free to share what is bothering you, or what you do to feel better.

Please have a look at our current event and consider participating.

Wishing you all a good continuation of the week!

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Post Information
Title Mid-week check-in
Author mensupportmenmod
Upvotes 20
Comments 11
Date December 7, 2021 4:00 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]heyaanaaya 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Been wrestling pretty hard with processing my circumcision as an infant. It feels like it's been sitting in my subconscious forever, and this year I'm finally letting the pain come out. I feel violated. One of my first experiences on earth was the violent theft of something sacred and deeply human.

[–]a-man-from-earth 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It is a violation indeed. You had no say in it.

[–]Dolorous-Edd15 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This is the first holiday season after the end of my relationship. Happened in March, I’ve healed well and am putting myself out there…but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t missing her. I guess I’m ok

[–]DelRMi05 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's an empty feeling isn't it? It's great that you are acknowledging you miss her. There's no shame in it. Whether you ended the relationship or she did, it's perfectly normal to understand that it was an important part of your life and without her represents a significant change. While no one enjoys breakups, I always used the time after one to reinvent Myself. You can choose to be what you want to be without having to answer to anyone or follow boundaries. Maybe use this opportunity to find happiness in the new you.

[–]Dolorous-Edd15 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

“Empty” is right. It was a “bad” breakup with any bad feelings. She was overseas for work for ten months and unfortunately things just changed and we became incompatible.

When you say “reinvent yourself”, was there something specific you focused on?

[–]DelRMi05 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, at least you acknowledged that and have an understanding of the situation which is half the battle.

As far as reinventing yourself, sure thing, and it can be a lot of different things depending on who you are and where you are in your life. For Me personally, in My high school days It was; from this point onward I'm going to believe in Myself and not ever allow Myself to be taken advantage of again. In My later years it became; hey, you really weren't your best self in that relationship so I have to be mindful that My future partner does not determine who I am as a person.

Back to My high school days, was someone who had little to know confidence, and it really held me back. It took a bad breakup for self-evaluation, and one day I got up out of bed and demanded better for Myself. I still carry that attitude now that I'm a full-fledged adult.

So, to focus on you, what are your weaknesses? what are your biggest flaws that you can personally change? What kind of person do you imagine yourself being? All rhetorical, but the point is that you get to decide how you handle all future relationships, and have a lot of control over things you may not have had when put in the constraints of a relationship. It's a great time for self-reflection.

If you want to get more personal we can talk about some of the things you want to change and make a game plan, if that's something that would benefit you. Otherwise I recommend building the framework for yourself to implement positive change. For example, I was given a motivational phrase when I was fairly young. It was; "Attitude is everyone." When I'm put into a challenging situation I was think back to what that means for me, being the ability to choose My own attitude and it changes the way I deal with things.

[–]LoveTheGiraffe 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm completely overwhelmed with my upcoming exams. Each one is just a few days after the next and I'm afraid of having to retake them. I've been so busy due to getting a new job on the side and it feels like I'm already neglecting friends and family. I even had to cancel holiday plans with my gilfriend and her family, because I'm having an exam in that time frame. It's just really draining and I want this to be over...

[–]UnHope20 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I feel you man. It's tough to juggle that stuff. I remember how hard it was for me. My respect to you.

[–]DelRMi05 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hear this. There's always a scramble before the Christmas holidays. End of the year work, school exams, Family commitments, etc. There's a saying that the only way to eat a shit sandwich is one bite at a time. Looking at the cluster that is this season is daunting and you can get lost in it quickly. A strategy I use is to only focus one on aspect of it at a time. For example, you enter your shift at work, so you only focus on doing the best job you can at work. Study time; only focus on studying.

Remember, this is a temporary situation in your life and there's some extreme growth you can have by navigating correctly for yourself. Turn the hardship into an opportunity because that skill can become valuable for you later. Also, don't be afraid to check in again with a progress report. You got this.

[–]lmea14 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I haven’t felt truly good for the last two years. And there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. My girlfriend and I don’t see eye to eye on where we want to live. I don’t really see how it can be resolved. My discontent is growing.

[–]DelRMi05 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You seem to understand how not resolving the issue is going to turn out. Neither of you wants to deliver an ultimatum because you know what it could mean. It's really hard to deal with, no doubt.

If you want to go into more detail about it, that could help. Otherwise, try to get ahead of the situation and understand where you want to be in 1, 3, 5, and 10 years. Subject to change, but seeing yourself in different scenarios and asking the question of; Am I happy in this situation is a great place to start.

Many of us are or have been in this situation, but it sure doesn't make it any easier. After college I had this scenario. I weighed My option and I realized I wouldn't be happy if I had moved for My partner. I then objectively looked at the relationship and decided that if I wasn't willing to move for My partner, then I had an understanding of how I valued that relationship. Asking yourself the right questions allows for more objectivity and self-evaluation. When you're close to the problem, it can become confusing.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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