~ archived since 2018 ~

Might as well put this out there

February 1, 2022

I normally don’t put sensitive stuff like this out there but knowing the problem can’t or won’t be fixed by others anyway.

Well…I have nothing left to lose so here it goes.

I’ll name two separate urologists, Urologist A and Urologist B for the story I’ll tell. And I know the story is a little long so I’ll put a TLDR summary at the end if you don’t wanna read it all.

I’m 24 btw.

I’ve been suffering from urological problems since 2019. I kept going to Urologist A at first back then even though he didn’t necessarily know how to solve the problem.

My parents didn’t help much at all. They claimed I was hypochondriac at one point and refused to take me to any more doctor’s appointments. Just told me I should get outside more.

So I remained in a standstill for a long time especially when COVID lockdowns came around and since then, my parents don’t want me to really go outside for anything other than emergencies.

Still I tried to reach out to other doctors like a dermatologist or my GP and they have proven to be unhelpful with this.

Came close to ending my life a few times but I managed to come across a friend on another chatting app who did take the time to help me (at least initially, we’re not friends anymore and she’s no longer around) even though she was suffering from a barrage of health problems of her own. Eventually after a few more hardships and months of waiting she helped me to gain more money and get ahold of rides through my insurance so I could go outside on my own without my parents taking me (still can’t drive and don’t have a license).

Since I thought Urologist A couldn’t help me anymore or wouldn’t know what to do, I tried reaching out to Urologist B. I got an appointment with him in a few weeks time last year and he said that I’m gonna need a type of surgery: a meatotomy. Even though he only saw me for 5 minutes at most.

But anyway, I decided at the time along with my friend to go back to Urologist A to see if he would agree with Urologist A’s diagnosis. He pretty much said the same thing that we need to try out the meatotomy along with performing a cystoscopy.

If you don’t know what a meatotomy is I’ll send you guys a link so you can read more up on it:

Moving on, I got the surgery done in April of last year and I thought it would be a huge game changer. Initially it was successful but I was still having problems and suffering from chronic pain and I experienced pain while masturbating still. And I did follow the doctors instructions exactly and waited 6 weeks after the surgery to be more active again.

I went back to Urologist A a few months later (that was the soonest I could get in with him) and he told me that I mostly might just have problems related to pelvic floor at this point but he said I was in a “gray area” in terms of a diagnosis and doesn’t know how long it will take to heal. I did point out that one side of the tip of my penis had noticeably more skin than on the other side. He said “I can’t fix that”. Said those exact words. He did refer me to a physical therapist to try out pelvic floor exercises but other than that, he told me to take up matters with his NP (nurse practitioner) since he doesn’t think my problems are a concern to him. I tried to advocate for myself and write down questions before hand but it seemed like he brushed through most of them.

Regardless of the setback, I still went to physical therapy and I went for 4 months until my physiotherapist told me that the therapy might not be the right solution for me. It barely helped ease my symptoms and it mostly just created more stress on the problems I already had. But I still I worked hard and gave it a try.

I was given pain medication by the NP but that easily upset my stomach right away and wasn’t affective in pain so I stopped taking it. He just told me to stick with the physical therapy and course of treatment so I did.

Fast forward a few months later to last month and that’s when I was let go of PT. I did go back to see Urologist B (through a referral from a walk in clinic) to see if he can help me out more than Urologist A. I was afraid at first that he would turn me down because Urologist A did the surgery. Turns out I was exactly right. That was exactly what happened. He refused to get involved or even prescribe me pain meds. He just told me to go back to Urologist A since “he’s your doctor and you chose him, didn’t make any sense but….”. That’s what he said. Word for word.

I don’t see Urologist A for another month and until then I’m pretty much stuck on my own and I know because of what he said the last time I saw him, he can easily dismiss my problems too. So now I’m just stuck with Urologist A and I have a feeling that no other urologist will see me because Urologist A did the surgery.

I had to get the story out there especially since I might be stuck with these problems for the rest of my life and trust me this isn’t something that will just slip my mind. I wish I can have someone else to talk to at the very least (other than a therapist which is hard to find, a good one at least, and one that isn’t out of my price range). So since there’s a chance I’m stuck this way I just said “fuck it” and put this out there.

That’s it.

TLDR: had urological problems for 2-3 years, went through surgery with Urologist A instead of Urologist B, complications came up because of the surgery which Urologist A won’t address or fix, Urologist B dismissed me because I went to go get surgery done with Urologist A

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[–]Deipnoseophist 9 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I’m sorry this happened to you, it sounds like an awful situation. I think it would be worth looking for a urologist C. They might be more receptive. It’s sad to hear how dismissive the other two have been, but it does make me curious about the particulars of the situation.

I hope things work out for you. Sounds like this leaves you with constant pain? Didn’t think a narrowed meatus could cause so much trouble. But then again it sounds like the issue is more than that is the surgery didn’t help? I’m not sure I understand what you meant by there being more skin on one side than the other though?

[–]BlackoutWalksAlone[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I’m afraid of looking for Urologist C because there’s only two major hospitals with urology services where I live.

There are smaller places but I’m afraid they’ll be like Urologist B and they’ll dismiss me just like he did.

It’s not just the narrowed meatus but also there’s more skin on one side of the tip of the penis than the other which affects me when I masturbate.

Also I have chronic testicular pain and penile pain on top of it.

[–]Deipnoseophist 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

So, is your foreskin longer on one side than the other? Is that what you’re saying? As for all the other pain, you absolutely need to see someone about it. Perhaps start with a GP who can then refer you to a urologist? That might help making getting in easier. I understand you fear you’ll get rejected but you need to try.

[–]BlackoutWalksAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

It is bigger on one side than the other. Urologist A pointed it out but won’t do anything.

Also my GP isn’t helpful either. I can try to reach out but last time I saw him, he just referred me back to Urologist A. He doesn’t know how to handle the issue either.

[–]Deipnoseophist -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Apologies I’m still struggling a bit to understand what’s going. If you’re up for it shoot me a picture in a DM, that’ll help me understand what’s going on. I’m no urologist but maybe I could help in some way.

[–]BlackoutWalksAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m not comfortable with that but we can talk more in a DM if you want

[–]Deipnoseophist 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Explain to me the more skin on one side than other issue. Just to clarify that we’re talking about your foreskin or something else? And what issue does this cause for you?

[–]MathematicianNo4277 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Jesus that sucks. Doctors can be such Dicks (no pun intended).

Since this is possibly a consequence of circumcision maybe the guys over at r/intactivism would have some wisdom to share?

[–]BlackoutWalksAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m uncircumcised though

[–]DelRMi05 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you for sharing your story. It's awful that this is happening to you. In addition to the issue at hand it's also a symptom of our healthcare system and the importance of advocating for yourself. A loved one reported problems to their primary care, also labeled as someone who thinks everything is an issue. Went to a new doctor.. cancer.

I commend you for going to Urologist B. I hope they you find the strength to find urologist C. I know this is not easy, and I know that their may not be a defined solution, but I commend you for trying. You demonstrate great strength and offer perspective that's difficult to hear. You're teaching us the importance of advocating for oneself, I'm just sorry that it has to be you.

Happy to continue the conversation.

[–]BlackoutWalksAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for validating my side of things. I’ve been to so many doctors (and also have been invalidated by others I’ve talked to and called a hypochondriac by my Nparents) to the point where I think that all of my problems are just in my head and that no one will sympathize with me or believe me, let alone help me. Or even if I can receive help at this point. (I hope I don’t have prostate or testicular cancer at this point)

But yeah I’ve learned even if you do advocate for yourself some doctors still won’t (not just can’t) listen much or help. Finding Urologist C will be difficult since I have to tell them the full story and they might be just as dismissive as Urologist B and tell me to either go to Urologist A or the ER (the ER is a total joke, tried that several times before).

But seriously I really think that I might be stuck living this way (with chronic pain on top of it for the rest of my life) and oh beyond others telling me to go find a therapist, they won’t want to get involved either (although it is understandable because my life is pretty fucked up, doesn’t make this any less lonely, isolating and painful). Sometimes I think it would be easier to stay silent about this but some part of me wants to keep trying to some extent. Better than just letting it go.

If you’re comfortable with me PMing you, we can talk more

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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