Misandry is making things genuinely difficult for me

parahacker · 2023-03-12T22:59:42+00:00

I don't know the answer.

Personally, I push back when I see it. I take the bloody mouth and just keep going. You can see it from my comment history, here on Reddit, and I assure you it's much the same in other forums and in person. But it's exhausting. And I'm already on disability for depression. I've essentially retreated from society, willing or not. I used to be *very* social; but events that happened to people I cared about, and some close shaves personally, have lead to a deeeep mistrust.

My best friend (male) was raped by a woman, who did it by threatening him with an accusation of rape. I sheltered a young kid who tried to kill himself for the same, when I owned my own home.

Getting assistance - even getting properly diagnosed - for my own issues was a damned nightmare, and I still don't think I'm there yet. I have almost no support network, and that's largely 'my fault' - but I vividly remember when I was younger going out of my way to help women who complained of issues... as a man, I feel invisible.

When I was younger, I personally have been catcalled, groped, etc. ---And you know what? That wouldn't even have been an issue, except for how the double standard is so damned vicious. It's like, women can do this to me, but the merest hint I do the reverse and it's war.

It's not even really the relentless misandry; that's bad enough, but what is most dismaying is what it represents in practical terms. Real, actual harm - not just hurt feelings. A word from a woman can destroy your social life. And does. Or get you fired. Or evicted from a venue - I should know, I was the bouncer that did it for a while, and for another while I was the bartender who ended up hearing most complaints like this. Or even a jail sentence, for some shit you didn't do but are automatically guilty of because, well, you're a man and your word is by default worth less.

Something has to give. Something must give, the relentless anti-men narrative has to lose its grip at some point, or things will just... fail, at some point. Sadly, any honest look through history tells us things don't necessarily get better; sometimes they just go bad and stay bad. It really takes a battle to buck the trend, or it doesn't get bucked.

So you take your bloody mouth, spit some out and keep speaking up. But it's hard. It is so damned hard sometimes.

needalife94 · 2023-03-13T04:32:33+00:00

Yea the term incel means involuntarily celibate. Now a days it's just thrown around as an insult. It has really lost it's meaning. Just like the term misogynist. It's actually weird when I think about it. Jordan peterson tries to help the young men to try to become more attractive to women. Among a bunch of other things. And he was labeled the king of incels. Why ? Because he was trying to help men do better? Wouldn't you want someone to help men do better in all these aspects of their life ? Apparently not.

ZulutheZebra · 2023-03-13T02:34:25+00:00

Let me say this; I also greatly struggle with the misandrist rhetoric that gets bombarded on all media platforms daily. For a long time between that and the very few women in my life that were mostly anti-male I gave up hope. A couple years ago though I reconnected with my cousins wife (therapist) who is very fair and tries to see things from a guys point of view. She occasionally has her feminist moments but it’s rare and she’s always open to a discussion on it. I guess all that to say, it is true that some women legitimately do not hate men. There’s not many left but they are a gem if you can find them; I would say keep looking and cultivate your bros in the meantime. Even if you can’t find any girls that aren’t hardcore feminists if you get a solid group of bros to back you up it really makes all the difference, especially if they share the same views on a lot of the modern day bullshit.

throwawayddf · 2023-03-12T23:00:40+00:00

I know the feeling man. i am in a non enviable position where it doesn't bother me as much anymore so I don't have any advice. There are more people that feel that way and it's difficult to find them because to show how you feel is to be vulnerable to getting attacked. I would advice to never talk about it if you are with more than 2 people.

46153849 · 2023-03-13T00:31:44+00:00

This depends on where you are. I live in a medium-sized city in the middle of the US, and I don't encounter any of this IRL (in fact, I encounter the opposite). I encounter this online, so I just don't visit those spaces — or I'm careful when I do visit them. So I wonder if there are some more middle-of-the-road places you can go IRL and online where you might encounter this less frequently?

BlackoutWalksAlone · 2023-03-13T13:56:08+00:00

Oh my god! I'm not the only one that feels this way!

I feel this way all the time too. Recently I went out to a restaurant and they had this sign that said "Men go to the left because women are always right!" This shit really is everywhere, everywhere you look. I can't watch TV, watch movies, go online, or even read books without coming across shit like this. I think a big part of this is due to our psychology. Women preferring women and men preferring women over other men. So it's kinda like the average person on the street is a misandrist.

I was worried, still kinda am, that I have to keep silent about a lot of what I see and what I'm thinking so I won't get attacked for it. By both men and women. Clearly, there are a few people who can see this shit and maybe understand (mainly men I think) but those people are few and far between so unfortunately, the only thing I really do is keep it to myself. Which drives me insane but.....it's our reality. This also makes me distrust other human beings a lot and even this kinda misandry is interalized inside of me. Although I'm trying not to blame myself completely since I see and hear this stuff from the time I wake up to the time I go back to sleep. There's just no escape. This is why I think we live in a gendered dystopia.

I do thank you for making this post and making me feel a little less crazy.

lemons7472 · 2023-03-21T17:03:36+00:00

As a younger male I feel this too. I can’t even look up anyone having a similar idea about how I feel that women hate men, because even in google when I search up “I feel like women hate men” I’m just directed to articles from last year of women saying that they have a right to hate men, or that women saying that they hate men is ok, and justified.

Even in real life, women at my school make sexist generalizations about men about them all either being abuses, saying that they hate men, hell even mocking me specificity for being a male one time.

I feel like outside of the internet, outside of some parts of Reddit, outside of this sub, outside of r/mensrights, no one would take it too seriously if I vented this, and I certainly wouldn’t vent this to some irl women because I know for sure they would not take it seriously or even see it as “hate”.

Honestly I have no advice, this shit has just been hurting me since I was a teen and still am a young adult as a 19 year old.

It will legit leave you wondering for a small second if most women just hate you or see you as a predator, or just make up whatever reason to be assholes while justifying it.

It isn’t a nice feeling hearing people commonly justifying hating you for your sex or race, but I’m talking specificity about my sex.

AskingToFeminists · 2023-03-14T13:05:18+00:00

I'm sorry things are weighing on you that much. The world sucks. No debating that from my part. There are people out there who will hate you for being you. There are people who should know better or do better but are still terrible people or have very fucked up ideas.

You can try to change the world. But it's exhausting and almost never-ending. Any bit helps, but, well... what's more important is for you to gage what amount of effort you're able and willing to put, and not go beyond, or you will just despair.

Ultimately, though, there is only one thing over which you have control : yourself.

The joke goes "you have an issue? Can you do something about it? If you can, then there,s no reason to worry. If you can't, then there's no use to worrying."

What you can do is to train yourself to react to those things in more healthy ways that the blackest of despair at the unfairness of it all. It's hard work. But it actually works. And adjusting how you react to things might even help in dealing with those things when you decide to.

Note that I'm not advising you to "think positive/happy thoughts". I'm talking about training yourself to have healthy reactions, reactions that are appropriate but help you live better the situation.

What you can do, for example, is take notes of those situations that depress you, and try to come up with alternative ways someone who reacts healthier to those could react. Basically, it trains you to think of alternative reactions, to the point that it may becomes automatic after a while.

For example, you got told that you were a sexist for disliking a star wars. There are plenty of ways to react to such a thing.

You can question your whole worldview from scratch.
You can be deeply hurt that this person thinks so lowly of you.
You can think that person is deeply crazy for drawing such conclusions on such thin evidence.
You can consider that no matter what you like or don't like, some people will hate you for it, it's really impossible to please everyone, and you shouldn't try (or in the words of the dude : "that's, like, your opinion, man")
You can think this is just a random person and they don't matter
You can decide this is the hill you will die on and decide to question that person and why they would say such a thing

... or many more. Some of those reactions are healthier than other, depending on context. Your job is to find what you think would have been a reaction you could have had to it that would have helped you dealing with it in a way you would find healthy, and making a note of that.

From time to time, you may even re-read those alternative healthy reaction. As time goes on, you might notice that the number of notes in your booklet will not increase as much as you won't have that many unhealthy reactions you need to take note of.

It will not fix the world. But it will help you be better adept at dealing with it.

vhisic · 2023-03-13T06:36:57+00:00

where are you that this is such a problem?

Synchronicitousyzygy · 2023-03-15T16:22:13+00:00

I genuinely experience the same things as you every day as well, this is how it is for millions of men but a lot of us don't speak up because like you said, we get the internet equivalent of our teeth kicked in, there's zero empathy for us, all I can say is you're not alone and myself and many other good caring men that just want to live their lives are going through this every day too, stay strong, come here, hit me up and I'll respond, helps to get things off your chest when you're constantly berated and attacked every day from every corner for just existing.

TheDustLord · 2023-04-01T15:46:52+00:00

It’s not just you. I’m trying to date and women keep hitting me with lines like “you could be a murderer!”

Title	Misandry is making things genuinely difficult for me
Author	knightfluttershy
Upvotes	94
Comments	25
Date	March 12, 2023 10:28 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	/r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/misandry-is-making-things-genuinely-difficult-for.1176460 https://theredarchive.com/post/1176460
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/11prybk/misandry_is_making_things_genuinely_difficult_for/