My GF sleeps with her mom

Threadgood · 2023-02-21T01:30:02+00:00

What are the other red flags. Bc I feel like that one is pretty major and sometimes the red flags seem minor until you line them up next to each other and that red likely shouldn’t be ignored

Lionheart27778 · 2023-02-21T07:33:12+00:00

Very weird co-dependent behaviour at the very least.

My ex wife , at 25, used to take baths and regularly sleep in the same bed with her mum when I first met her. ( they would literally sit in the bath together).

I thought it was really weird , but at the time she convinced me that it was just something that girls did.....it isn't.

My ex wife was/is batshit crazy.....and not in the way that everyone says their ex wife is crazy.

As in controlling, abusive, manipulative,violent, cheating crazy and made my life miserable for many years.

The peak ,perhaps, being me catching her attempting to impregnate herself with one of our used condoms from the bedroom bin.

I'm not saying that your gf is that level of crazy, but sleeping with her mum at that age , indicates something and I would proceed with caution.

As I wish I had paid more attention back then to the warning signs.

Perhaps have a think about any other "odd" behaviours she exhibits.

ZulutheZebra · 2023-02-21T02:42:30+00:00

At 24 it is very alarming for a person to still share a bed with their parent unless they are functionally a child (special needs etc). While it is less likely for a mother to be sexually abusive to her daughter, it could very well be a case of emotional incest or at best a very odd situation where your GF is kept as a child in some ways for the mother’s benefit.

If you still want to stay with her, I would have a very open conversation with her about this. Some ideas of what to ask include:

How often do you sleep in your mother’s bed?
When you sleep there, is your father present?
(Probably the most important) Do you think it is normal behavior for a 24 year old adult to share a bed with one of their parents?

a-man-from-earth · 2023-02-21T10:24:40+00:00

I would say: DO NOT propose. If she's still afraid to sleep alone and so dependent on her mom, she needs therapy. Only after becoming an independent person would she be a person to consider proposing.

michaelpaoli · 2023-02-21T08:30:45+00:00

She is a little childish

Well, that might be a major red flag, ... or minor yellow (cautionary) one - really depends in what way(s) and how major/significant or not, etc.

sleeping in same bed as her mom

She is 24

Well ... context? What culture, family "norms", economic/living situation, etc. Maybe that's a significant/major red flag, maybe that's more-or-less "normal" - even expected - for the context.

she afraid to sleep alone

I don't know if that's a red flag, ... but at least yellow (caution) flag. Probably depends a lot more on exactly what's going on there, how severe, why, how okay or not okay are you (and she) regarding that, etc.

a real dealbreaker?

All for you to decide. You're the one thinking of proposing to her ... not us.

Crunch-Potato · 2023-02-21T08:23:05+00:00

Don't know what cultural norms are in place where you live, so that can mean a great number of things.

But I would start paying attention to her childish nature, to what extent might that impede her life/development.
Start asking about more of who she is and how she experiences life, because odds are that you are presuming the best in her and didn't yet make time to figure out who you are dealing with.

needalife94 · 2023-02-21T11:02:12+00:00

Major red flag. Sounds like her mom coddles her.

Oncefa2 · 2023-02-22T00:29:37+00:00

One thing to think about is you will have times when you will want to sleep alone, or at least with her not on top of you, during your relationship.

You're going to be sick and up coughing.

Or she'll be sick and up coughing.

Or it will be too hot in the house.

Something. Anything. It happens. You will want, and probably need, space to sleep by yourself.

And the more clingy she is in that regard, the more you're probably going to need it. And the more problems it will cause when you do. If you're even able to.

terrorist_giraffe · 2023-02-22T04:55:19+00:00

You've been dating her for 2.5 years and you're ready to propose. You probably already know your GF pretty well. Does finding out this new information really change anything? Especially the things you love about her?

Title	My GF sleeps with her mom
Author	Alulidinfar
Upvotes	33
Comments	18
Date	February 21, 2023 12:38 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/117pni0/my_gf_sleeps_with_her_mom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/my-gf-sleeps-with-her-mom.1153094 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153094

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