Advice on how to proceed upon getting back together after an 8 month separation

UnconventionalXY · 2022-08-03T12:54:34+00:00

She probably received advice that if she wants to take the family home from the OP in divorce proceedings, she needs to be living there and making it hers.

Hasn't anyone read the examples of women alleging abuse and men being thrown out of their home because its supposedly more important for the woman and children to have stability?

I think the OP is so grateful she is back, he's not thinking there may be a planned agenda behind it. He literally could become the fall guy as he's accepting all the blame and excusing her.

She isn't back, she has re-occupied the house to stake a claim, in my opinion and there is no future of happiness together because she hasn't changed, just become more aware of her potential legal options.

BeansConsumer957 · 2022-08-03T01:28:01+00:00

Chances are she’s cheating, the signs are all there…don’t waste your time making sacrifices for a cheater.

Doogie76 · 2022-08-03T04:07:02+00:00

She left you. Took a dick or two while gone but couldn't lock any of them down and came back. Kick her to the curb and move on with your life

Aimless-Nomad · 2022-08-03T00:40:00+00:00

I am not accusing your wife of anything but a few classic signs of cheating are avoiding contact, sleeping in another bed etc.

Ferbuggity · 2022-08-03T00:50:12+00:00

All I can say is, be patient. Don't overthink it, just do what you do and be there when she comes around. Also talk to her about your feelings, re the bedroom situation and your need fora sense of intimacy. Invite her back.

Also maybe consider couples counselling, I wish to hell I had. Can't stress this enough.

Sounds like you've both weathered some storms. I hope things work out for you both.

boss-awesome · 2022-08-03T14:31:32+00:00

what made her decide to come back after 8 months?

GroundbreakingAnt322 · 2022-08-03T15:53:04+00:00

Something has changed in the relationship when you left and when she came back as well there should be a reason. Both have a reason she is telling you and probably a reason she's not telling you.

At this point it doesn't make sense that she makes demands for keeping the house clean especially if she has bad back pain and that requires you to keep the house clean.

From your post what I can understand is that you try not to make her angry. Maybe a mother or other childhood figure?

I dont know the background of your fight or what motivated you to get back together but 8 months can be long or it can be short. If the time was long there is a higher chance that you're not being very objective about it.

Have you checked out the subreddit r/CPTSD ?

ZidaneLoire · 2022-08-03T17:57:58+00:00

With all due respect and forgive me if i speak out of turn, but that relationship sounds like a sack of shit and you wouldn't catch me in the vicinity of such a raw deal.

That relationship is broken, it didn't work out before, it's not working out now. Why not find someone that makes sense for you ? Why work so hard and jump through so many hoops for a woman who just up and left you ?

I don't think you'll be happy with this woman and the sea is stock full of fish. You're smart enough to have become a surgeon and you seem like a kind and understanding man. You can definitely do better than this sort of dysfunctional relationship.

Haiel10000 · 2022-08-03T10:12:46+00:00

I have never been in any situation similar to yours. But if my opinion matters I think you ought to reasonably share what you've been doing while she was out. How things were going and how you've felt during your time out.

I think there is a lot more to this story that is either too personal or too embarassing to reveal, on both sides... I think she needs to feel safe around you again and she will be yours again. In a way, you have an opportunity to court her a second time and feel the "first kiss" a second time.

I think you guys can work it out together, try to find ways you can show her how you've overcome your trauma and try to find out what's it been for her while you were feeling down and while you guys were separated. Share how you felt too. I think it's a bridge that can unite you again.

Laniekea · 2022-08-03T00:13:03+00:00

Be as healthy as possible. If she's sleeping in another bedroom it's because she doesn't want to create dysfunction until she perceives closeness as "safe" (not physically but emotionally) So you need to show her that you're healthy and emotionally stable enough to be in a close relationship.

That's eating well, sleeping well, exercise, being social in a safe way, making sure your environment is clean, following or creating hobbies, and solving problems constructively.

This is a better post for r/relationshipadvice.

Acrobatic_Sport_7664 · 2022-08-04T07:55:28+00:00

My advice, tell to leave. It's only a matter of time before she leaves again anyway. Your daughters 16, so child support will only be problem for a short time. The woman is using you.

pacsatonifil · 2022-08-07T02:34:48+00:00

I can understand letting go and wanting to have her back. She is the love of your life and the mother of your children. Emotions are powerful.

I think it’s easy for us to assume it would be easier to move on, but I can’t imagine it being easy at all. Then add the fact she came back. It’s like waking up from a bad dream. Maybe it will get better, but it could happen again and you should be optimistic, but also be a realist. You should get a support system in case it does.

The only way to understand anyone is by talking to them. How long has she been back? Not sleeping in the same room? I don’t get that. Because why did she come back if she won’t even sleep in the same bed? Maybe it’s something you didn’t share, but that is so odd to me. She was gone, but why does she need to be back? I am sorry. You must be asking all these things to yourself. You need a support system.

Title	Advice on how to proceed upon getting back together after an 8 month separation
Author	Mic-Ronson
Upvotes	11
Comments	22
Date	August 2, 2022 10:41 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/wepgux/advice_on_how_to_proceed_upon_getting_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/advice-on-how-to-proceed-upon-getting-back.1126488 https://theredarchive.com/post/1126488

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