Bullied at Work

Darth2438 · 2020-10-29T22:38:21+00:00

Im sorry but your bosses advice of sniping back is actually a bad idea. They need to be actually reported if they are actually doing that, it's breaking the law of equal rights within the workplace, I don't know if there is union at your work place or what procedures are, but for problems like that, usually even the union would be involved. They are being sexist by degrading your gender.

wdhohl · 2020-10-29T22:50:54+00:00

Report it again using your work email (unless there's another official method) so there's documentation of the bad advice and inaction. Then, if there's no action, move up the chain of command copying you direct superior and citing the bad advice. If there's retaliation, get legal advice. Actually; even if there isn't, get legal advice

nhergen · 2020-10-29T23:06:27+00:00

If it violates company policy, then you file a complaint with HR. You could also try saying to your team that they are offending you and hurting your feelings.

2020-10-29T23:06:51+00:00

Don't snipe back, just be patient and record everything, then take it to HR and get them fired.

Swampy_Swamps · 2020-10-30T01:48:59+00:00

Wanted to thank you guys for putting out your thoughts, and advice.

CoolDEpot · 2020-10-29T23:01:57+00:00

get hard evidence like recordings or videos

2020-10-30T01:42:20+00:00

Keep a journal of everything that is said, how it made you feel and who was present. You'll need it

ApprehensiveMail8 · 2020-10-30T01:12:45+00:00

Scrolling through your post history- are you in Canada?

The more detail you can give us, the better advice we can give.

Also, what is your goal? What is the relative importance to you of keeping the job vs. stopping the teasing and/or making a point?

Auntie_Hero · 2020-10-30T06:14:08+00:00

Get recordings of everything. Take it straight to HR. If they won't do anything, take it to the press and get yourself an attorney.

DO NOT FIGHT BACK.

The minute you "snipe back" at these women, that's your ass. You'll be fired for sexual harassment and you will never have a paying job again for the rest of your life.

a_quiet_accountant · 2020-10-30T02:26:29+00:00

don't snipe back, sadly what might go for them might not go for you. if u can record them and keep some notes u might be able to get them booted.

2020-10-30T03:53:58+00:00

I don't know that getting them fired is justified or realistic, but it definitely needs to be reported. So much data is off because men don't report problems. Definitely documents dates and times of incidents.

shit-zen-giggles · 2020-10-30T05:19:41+00:00

keep notes of everything that happens, including communication with superiors/hr regarding the issue. send this documentation to your private email regularly to "timestamp" it and to have a copy that is outside the companies control.

contact a lawyer (without telling anyone at the company) and consult with him/her how to proceed further.

2020-10-30T06:05:18+00:00

Your a great man and we need more men like you.

4chanman99 · 2020-10-30T10:36:27+00:00

I would just play the HR card. Apparently it's against policy for anyone to offend anyone for any reason. So every time somebody offends you, tell them that it's against the rules and if they do it again you'll report them to HR.

BowtiepastaMasta · 2020-10-30T13:53:44+00:00

Record it. Go to HR.

SweetYellowCorn · 2020-10-31T12:29:43+00:00

As a woman myself (with the patience of Job), having faced similar issues, I suggest you ask the doers a genuine question when they treat you like this:

"What does my gender have to do with anything?" (don't place emphasis on any particular word at this time, read it like a boring test question)

They'll give you what they think is a reasonable response, full of facts they got from a biased source, and expect that they won. Chip on shoulder.

Repeat your question, change the emphasis just slightly, "What does my gender have to do with anything?"

They'll answer. Reply again, "What does my gender have to do with anything?"

Let this keep going, changing the emphasis each time, until they realize their fallacy and drop the matter.

They'll try again later, not the same approach, but still knocking your masculinity. Once again, pick up on their keyword and break the foundation. Don't attack them back, that's what they want, but just chip away at their misunderstanding until you reach the root. "I just don't like you," is valid, and when the others hear her say it, they may realize they've been bandwagoning. Give it time. Like any adult opinion, this one has formed and been reinforced over many years.

In the in-between time, during the day-to-day moments, be an outstanding person. Give them no reason to think less of you. Treat them with dignity and respect, and expect the same. Thank them pointedly when they behave politely toward you, like well-rounded adults. Help them when you can, and don't make a show of it (no one likes it when someone broadcasts their superiority) (conversely, if you really save someone's hide, and they turn & take full credit, do stand up for yourself and say, "Brenda, that's the very thing I helped you with on Tuesday, and you had never heard of (skill X) until I taught you. I don't mind sharing my experience with anyone on the team, but don't dismiss me like that. Boss knows my resume, and yours too. I got the job because I am a team player with the right skill set. Let's be better together.")

If that doesn't work, ignore them. In my experience, these kinds of people don't last long. Be a great person, build your resume, and things will improve.

JustJamie- · 2020-10-30T00:47:05+00:00

Say why are you being so disrespectful? Do you hate all men or just me? By asking a question it turns it back to her to justify her behavior, which she can't.

MakeGoodBetter · 2020-10-30T11:19:55+00:00

Kill them with kindness. I have experienced this before. Every time an incident occurs, give an overly glowing compliment and then make a note in a running Google Document about exactly what was said. You must keep your resolve here. Don't crack under the pressure of your new, fake persona. This is vital.

I used to work as a rep in a makeup company surrounded by women. And I understand this will sound or be sexist to say, but you must play on their emotions. To help with this, you need to start keeping track of their menstrual cycle. Some women just outright talk about it and others will be overly snappy or miserable for seemingly no reason. Document this to give you a rough timeline to use which you will continue to tailor as you go along.

Some tactics to use in order to play on their emotions.

1) Send flowers to one of them from a "Secret Admirer". Usually best to send it to one that is married. She'll probably take them home and thank her partner for them. Unless he's quick, he will most likely deny that he sent it. Even if he is quick, now he will think something is up. You are sowing discord with this tactic.

2) Start bringing in chocolate based treats for everyone. ESPECIALLY when some or most of them have their period. (Depending on how long they have worked together, their cycles will start aligning.) You are just trying to get them fat. Don't make a big deal or even offer them. Just bring them in like it's no big deal. They'll start loving you for it as well.

3) This one is difficult to pull off depending on the dynamic of your workplace. Most women like to gossip and shit talk. There is usually a person or persons that they target. I can't give specific actions to perform, BUT you need to secretly get involved in this war by stoking the flames of both sides. Ex. Hated Adversary "accidentally" leaves a note on the floor somewhere near Target Womans desk/work area vaguely describing Target Woman's appearance/personality/work performance. Must look like an accident. The intentions of the letter must look genuine. As if it were a letter to a higher up or something. You have to tailor this tactic to your particular situation. One size does not fit all here.

This is truly the only productive way to fight back. HR is designed to protect the company and you are the only man who is also new. Guess what? You're now laid off! Don't trust the company to do what is right. You'll regret it. And even if it somehow doesn't get you fired? Now you have an even larger target on your back. Who needs that when you can secretly disrupt their lives and make most of them miserable?

Scooned · 2020-10-30T07:35:41+00:00

What is the bullying? What’s happening? Can you share with us?

Successful_Warthog58 · 2020-10-30T12:34:30+00:00

Keep contemporaneous notes with dates and times, who said what and who was present. Don't exaggerate. As much as it is tempting as that won't help in the long run. If possible, without being seen, record on your phone camera for audio. Most importantly don't tell anyone you are keeping these notes, even if you have a close friend there. Keep in mind if they've been through uni they will have been indoctrinated by man hating feminists. It's like a woman going to work on a building site if every man had been through 3yrs in a mgtow group. Such women are arseholes more to be pitied than feared. Told the are strong and powerful by their indoctrinators , they are infact exactly the opposite and wouldn't know a strong independent thought if it sat next to them on a bus.

KneeDeepThought · 2020-10-30T13:47:17+00:00

Keep a record of everything that they do. Even better if the bullies ever put anything in writing. When you have accumulated a fair amount of evidence, make an official complaint to Human Resources and CC your boss and their boss(es.) With that many sets of eyes on the problem they will have to take some action and the bosses and HR will be watching each other to make sure it doesn't get swept under the rug. Gather your ammo and fire it all at once.

exxxtentioncord · 2020-10-30T14:23:13+00:00

Maybe they want your dxck. Use it against them. They either want your dxck or think your beta. After work hit on one of the girls doing this. If she rejects you then yea their just a holes and record and report like others said. That’s my opinion.

Mens_rights_matter2 · 2020-10-30T14:25:01+00:00

I would suggest as others to start a journal a write down quote verbatim every sexist thing that is said, who said it, date and time. Do not snipe back. Words, especially from the majority, can add up and have a very negative emotional effect on you. Try not to let it bother you. Words are only words in the end. Try to be the best person you can be and earn their respect through action with hard work, honesty and reliability. It would be the best win to convince most of them you are worthy of respect. You’ll probably end up discovering who the queen bee is because I am betting that she will resent you and the others for earning respect and being the best at what you do. Then make a complaint when this person tries to take action against you.

Vengefulbuddha0 · 2020-10-30T15:20:53+00:00

Buy yourself a digital recorder and record everything discreetly to try to cover your ass date and time stamp at every time you turn it on

njb126 · 2020-10-30T18:48:22+00:00

Snipe back. Trust me. You will not get in trouble but don't do anything beyond what they do

MR_System_ · 2020-10-30T21:56:19+00:00

Never, ever, ever snipe back in an all-female environment. Many have valid past experience that'll make them think you're being aggressive/dangerous. Others have delusional beliefs that all men are evil, so they'll think the same.

I would bring up the fact that this is the 21st centaury and gender is meaningless in the workspace, and what they're doing is borderline harassment. Ask how they'd feel if each of them was the only woman in a male-dominated field, bring up the double standard.

If they make fun of you for that, smile at them and say, as sweetly as you can, "I'm not interested in discussing this topic with someone who clearly is too wilfully ignorant to understand it. I'd appreciate it if you left me to get my work done in peace, so we don't ALL get in trouble for a lacklustre job."

As a man they'll probably expect you to either be aggressive or a "man baby" so being formal, direct, polite but mildly condescending is the safest option.

mustangfrank · 2020-10-30T23:39:26+00:00

I would secretly record conversations. There are voice activated recorders and very small mics. Words speak for themselves.

Also, keep a daily log of who said what and at what time.

AlbertMendez442 · 2020-10-31T13:53:14+00:00

I'm sorry. Accuse them of homophobia. That works for me.

kurkurkurkurkurkurku · 2020-10-30T10:17:11+00:00

It’s karma return it back even if it doesn’t make sense.

throwaway50bil · 2020-10-30T03:09:06+00:00

The simple fact that the rest of the office is comprised of women, doesn't necessarily mean that you're being bullied because of your gender.

Fuck, I'm gonna get downvoted for that.

But the truth is, office/administrative/HR type folks...overall, tend to be bullying, power-hungry assholes, regardless of their gender, and the gender of the people that they're bullying. It fucking sucks. I've seen this, and experienced this, from both genders.

Title	Bullied at Work
Author	Swampy_Swamps
Upvotes	199
Comments	45
Date	October 29, 2020 10:27 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/jkkbog/bullied_at_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/bullied-at-work.841564 https://theredarchive.com/post/841564

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