Despite All the Risks – Why Young Men Still Get Married

InfallibleBiship · 2012-03-27T00:59:08+00:00

Honestly, the complete "YOU MUST NEVER EVER EVER EVER GET MARRIED!" thing that pops up here kind of bothers me. I actually do want to get married when I'm older. Not because of any of the reasons spearhead listed, but I want to for my own personal reasons. I want a family and a wife, simple as that. Of course I think the laws should be changed, but I still do want to get married. It is my own choice, and just as a man not marrying should be accepted, someone who does want to marry should be accepted as well. Call it "feminine" etc, if you want, but I just personally like the whole idea of marriage (however, divorce on the other hand does need to be changed, I still want to get married though.)

2012-03-27T03:03:21+00:00

My responses to any men who used those as reasons:

1 He has no game, no self respect, or he thinks he can't do any better. Never ever marry because she demands it, or you think she won't stay. If you have a loving relationship now, a piece of paper [and the chance of loss of income,] means nothing, and will do nothing. I
2 No marriage "lasts forever." A minority of marriages in westernized countries will hit the silver anniversary, even fewer gold. At current time you have better odds winning at roulette than you do in seeing either of those anniversaries.
3 It doesn't matter if you act responsible or not. Women initiate almost 70% of divorces, and many do it because they are "not happy," regardless. See the reasons why women divorce here. It's not because he beats her, not because he cheated, not because he's a bad father or provider. It's because she knows she will win.
4 You're blind and you don't know the statistics. Women receive custody 88% of the time; 93% of alimony is paid by men, to women.
5 You think you are a special snowflake. See no 2. You have better odds in roulette.
6 Please name any rewards, besides children, that you can gain from your friends, family, and society. The financial losses you will suffer by being unable to invest your earnings will destroy any perceived social gains you think you may have.
7 This is a valid reason, if you want to have kids.
8 See no 2 and no 5. You are blind.
9 He has no game, or thinks he can't do any better. He thinks he's a special snowflake and the rules do not apply to him.
10 Thinks he's a special snowflake, doesn't know the stats on divorce, or that women initiate the majority of it.
11 This is a valid reason, if you want to have kids.
12 This is a valid reason, if you want to have kids.
13 Not a valid reason if you live in a westernized society. Slavery was a tradition, female circumcision was a tradition, male circumcision is still a tradition. Does being a tradition, make something inherently good or virtuous? No. If you do not want children, it is not a valid reason.
14 This is only a valid reason if you want children.

The only reason to get married is if you want children, and you want to raise them in a united home. Please realize that this does not mean you will be free from divorce, and in fact it puts you at more of a risk. If you have no kids, and your state is non-alimony paying state, then you can just divorce and divide the assets. The major reason that women divorce is because they know they will win child custody and they know they will get child support.

The lowest rates of divorce are when the wife has 0-1 previous sexual partners, when the man is 5-7 years older than the wife, when they are both college educated, and when they are in the highest income bracket [doesn't mean she has to be, just combined.] Even then, some of these groups still get divorced. The rates only climb after that, and its almost 70% for second marriages.

Take the plunge at your own risk. You have to be discriminating, and you should not put up with any bullshit. At the first sign of a red flag you move to the next. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS get a pre-nup. You both should seek out your own lawyers, and you should both have the agreement finalized at least six months before the wedding, if not before. Have a judge sign off on it before the wedding as well.

If you don't want kids, you're better off just being in a long term relationship.

Octagonecologyst · 2012-03-26T23:04:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TheGentlemanZombie · 2012-03-27T01:34:22+00:00

If I don’t marry her she won’t stick around forever waiting. The risk and consequences of losing her are worse than the risks and consequences of divorce if it doesn’t work out.

You may think that now, but wait until you lose her AND you've got to start paying alimony and/or child support! Yay!

Some marriages last forever. The risk and consequences of divorce are outweighed by the chance of winning at marriage.

That is true, gentlemen, that is true. Unfortunately, said marriages seem to be few and far between these days.

If I act responsibly I won’t get divorced.

Sorry, but no. She could divorce you because you hurt her feelings. /notsureifsarcasm

If somehow my wife divorces me even though I’m not at fault, the system will treat me fairly because I’m a good man. The risk and consequences of marriage are not that bad.

Strike two. See the sidebar, as if I needed to say that.

I ignore the horror stories from MRAs whining on and on about divorce. Fear is for cowards. If you’re not afraid and you don’t think about it, it won’t happen to you. Again the risks are not that high.

Most of these "horror stories" are actual experiences. It may be worth your time to read them.

My family, friends, and society at large expect that any mature, responsible, heterosexual man will eventually settle down. The rewards of me being seen positively for doing so are high.

True, but the consequences can be severe.

I want to have children and I want them to have a father who married their mother. The rewards of that are high for me.

That's why we're here! To make sure your kids have a dad in their life!

I don’t know why people say divorce law is feminist and I don’t care. Ten years down the road when both I and any girl I marry are older and maybe even very different people, I trust I’ll have gotten to know her well enough before marriage to be certain she won’t ever become the kind of woman who’ll try to “take me for everything”. I can control the risks of marriage by choosing to marry a person who will never change that much.

Ever heard the saying "A man marries a woman expecting her not to change, and she does. A women marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't"? Just curious...

Marriage means a serious commitment that takes a woman off the market long-term. The girl I’ll want to marry will be too special to take the risk of leaving her on the market.

Not sure what you're saying here... Wait, I kind of get it...

Any girl I marry will be worth the risk of divorce. That risk isn’t high for people truly in love anyways.

Really? A girl is worth going through a living Hell?

I grew up with a father around. I want to give the same benefit to my kids. The rewards of that are high for me.

So do we, brother. So do we...

I grew up without a father around, I want to get married so my kids don’t grow up without one too. The rewards of that are high for me.

Yes, we both want that! Why are you ignoring us?

I come from a traditional background. Either my family, friends, or the community I grew up in wouldn’t encourage me to get the sex, children, and companionship I want without marriage. The rewards of being seen positively for respecting tradition are high for me.

Here's where I'm a little torn. I like traditional methods of doing things because there's usually a reason that people have been doing that stuff for so long. The reason? Because it works.

However, the times, they are a changin'.

I come from a traditional background. I wouldn’t want some or all of those things (sex, children, and female companionship) without marriage. I want my wife to be pure not someone who allows herself to be “test driven”. The rewards of following my own beliefs are high for me.

Makes sense. I'm sure we've all wanted to pop someones cherry at one point. However, you've got to find the right girl! I cannot stress this enough!

BrutusBeefcake · 2012-03-27T06:11:19+00:00

Why especially major league stars?

sade9 · 2012-03-27T15:43:43+00:00

Lots of things can ruin you financially for life. Divorce isn't unique. More interestingly, what about the bit in the article that talks about single mothers raising their sons to be white knights? I can see how there would be some unique psychological pressures for a man who was raised by a woman that saw men negatively, but to say that a single mother expects her child to help her without any hope of her helping him. . . that seems an absurdity. Financially all children are utterly dependent on their parents, single or married or whatever. It makes me question the reasonableness of the perspective this article was written from.

DionysusIsRisen · 2012-03-28T01:35:36+00:00

Is there an alternative to marriage? For instance, you want to stay with a woman and have kids, but never tie the knot officially. Are there any legal pros/cons to having a household out of wedlock?

Turbokick · 2012-03-27T05:31:17+00:00

Marriage offers huge risks and little reward, you have to be stupid to get married if you are a male.

That and it turns you into a pussy whipped little bitch.

Title	Despite All the Risks – Why Young Men Still Get Married
Author	married_woman_plus_k
Upvotes	15
Comments	53
Date	March 26, 2012 10:45 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/rex1s/despite_all_the_risks_why_young_men_still_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/despite-all-the-risks-why-young-men-still-get.1025223 https://theredarchive.com/post/1025223

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