Do men really don't know when to quit?

victorymonk · 2015-07-07T16:00:36+00:00

She probably has a valid complaint, but there's a bit of humblebragging there too. For her next birthday, get her a print of the famous 1950's photo of the model being male-gazed on an Italian street.
It will be a consolation to her to know that she's only going to have this problem for a few years of her life.
Most men don't approach women on the street. Of the men who approach women on the street, some probably don't know when to quit.
Yes, men do leave the market.

Clockw0rk · 2015-07-07T16:25:04+00:00

/u/dobie_g makes some good points, but I'd like to add some of my own.

Research has shown us that women are biologically less confrontational, less likely to negotiate salary, and less competitive.

What this adds up to is that women that experience unwanted attention will often not offer direct rejection. Unfortunately, everyone is well aware that women "play hard to get" more than men. This is a problem. When an eager man shows interest in a woman and she doesn't reject but instead attempts to ignore him, a man may err to his favor and believe she's simply playing hard to get.

Unfortunately, modern feminism has made not explaining yourself a point of pride for women. I wish I was joking. This is compounded by the socially acceptable behaviors of giving fake phone numbers, and leading men on in fake relationships to get money or other privileges out of it. Lying and deception are a commonly accepted package deal with 'feminine wiles' throughout the history of literature, and it's still very much a problem today.

Women that believe all men have natural impulse control problems are typically women that treat men like dogs instead of people. Oddly enough, anyone that knows anything about dogs will tell you that 'ignore it and it will go away' does not work, and you have to be direct in order to get a dog to respond to your commands.

IMO, women that complain 'men don't take no for an answer' have likely never given a man a hard No. Men will absolutely give up the chase if you clearly reject them. The few that don't, probably have psychological issues and should be treated as such.

There is such a thing as 'clingy clueless men', but there are also 'clingy clueless women', and they are both in the minority.

TL;DR: Your friend is scared of confrontation and is blaming other people for her shortcomings.

darwinsaves · 2015-07-07T17:57:11+00:00

Women are just as guilty as men of doing this. There are many women who think that men want them to be "forward". It's just not talked about as much. There will always be douchebags from both sexes, but broadly generalizing is never good.

azazelcrowley · 2015-07-07T17:31:52+00:00

It's more that women and men use different body language signals to communicate, and many women refuse to understand or accept this, and are encouraged to be bull headed about this by certain gender ideologues. So basically it's women being sexist against men for not "Speaking Woman" and understanding their signals. Other women actually understand this and verbally and politely indicate a lack of interest as soon as they realize what's happening.

This is also why, by the way guys, women can sometimes seem utterly oblivious to a crush or being hit on. They miss the body language cues you are giving. It's best to be verbally explicit.

So yeh, it's not that men don't know when to quit. (Which would be, as soon as they communicate a lack of interest.) It's that women don't know how to communicate properly. (And not do men, for that matter. Though usually with them it's failure to communicate interest.)

As for the Why on these body language differences, fuck if I know. Social construction or biology or a mix of both, take your pick.

Black_caped_man · 2015-07-07T16:19:17+00:00

Some people just can't take any social cues or they simply don't care. Yes this happens with some men trying to talk to women, it also happens with some women trying to talk to men. It also happens with women talking to women and men talking to men.

I have run in to acquaintances who just won't shut up and that can't even take the clearest of polite hints. I say hint but I mean politely stating that you don't have time and you need to leave. I have run into strangers doing the same.

But this is still a vast minority of all the people out there, most of whom won't ever register that you walked into their field of vision. Yes even if they are straight males and you are an attractive female.

chocoboat · 2015-07-07T16:32:25+00:00

Some people in general just don't understand social cues very well. It's not any more true for men than women, or more true for Asians than Hispanics, or whatever way you want to group people.

But it's a problem for the men/women scenario because in the way our society works, men are taught to be the pursuers, and women are taught to be the pursued. Because it's almost always men who have to approach women if they want to be in a relationship, it will naturally almost always be men who fail to comprehend the message of "I'm not interested". Women would be just as guilty of it if they asked out men all the time, but since they don't, that problem is avoided.

cymrich · 2015-07-07T17:53:00+00:00

the problem with this is it's an overly broad classification... do SOME men not know when to stop? yes, of course, and the same can be said for SOME women. "Do SOME men do X, yes, of course, and some women also do X" is always going to be true unless you are speaking of specific biological functions which the opposite gender physically can't do. Your friend (or acquaintance... the woman you are observing) is obviously very shy and has issues with men but that doesn't mean all men are the issue. I for one have never had a woman simply make eye contact with me and suddenly assumed she was in to me. even if we do stop and talk I don't assume there is any romantic interest... in fact I generally assume the opposite until I see direct evidence that there is an interest.

mng20 · 2015-07-07T18:23:06+00:00

I would also just want to add a few things to the mix. For one, it's much more commonly accepted in society that with men it isn't a simple misunderstanding. They're just creepy and/or sexist. So in this case, the man may just not be getting the signal but in the end he is seen as someone as threatening or bothering when he made a very small mistake in picking up a signal.

Second, to the point that yummyluckycharms makes, men are simply much more direct with their thoughts and feelings. Men can read up on body language and figure those things out to be more aware of signals, but in practice I don't think that men can apply that completely in their lives. At some point, they would just rather be blunt about whatever they're thinking. Haven't we all been driven crazy about looking for every little signal a woman sends throughout the relationship and then we hang with the guys and blow off steam about how that process sucks?

dingoperson2 · 2015-07-07T18:30:57+00:00

This is comparable to "black people just rob people, black people can't stop robbing".

Almost zero men see a woman walking on the street, then start walking alongside her and talk to her, and keep talking to her even if she shows mild signs of discomfort or not wanting to talk. It's extremely rare.

As such, trying to generalise your experiences with men who do that to men as a whole is indefensible. You cannot create a general rule for a vast population based on your experiences with a vanishingly small number of that population.

If she literally believes every guy or most guys or a huge number of guys will do this to women, then she's just misguided and has deficient powers of observation.

Of course, she might have experienced this a few times herself, then the problem is one of generalising this to men in general. Or, it could be just reproducing paranoia fed her through media aimed at women.

Or, it could be that she actually means "the men who do this" rather than "men". Sometimes people express themselves imprecisely. If she literally means "men", then she's sexist.

yummyluckycharms · 2015-07-07T17:22:33+00:00

A couple of truisms spring to mind when I read this post....

No response is a response - if a woman doesnt respond back to you - just move on and approach another girl. There are literally billions of them on the planet

Dont chase girls - its never worth it - always have them chase you. Make money, lift, dress well and suddenly you wont have problems with getting female attention. Its not really rocket science.

Pay more attention to what women do, not what they say. If a woman wants to meet people, she's not looking down and avoiding eye contact. Its stunning to see how many men miss this social cue.

xNOM · 2015-07-07T19:05:02+00:00

So it raises the question, do men really not know when to stop talking to a woman in general? Or is this another case of just overblown proportion because of one's personal experience?

Why wouldn't they? When a man tells you to stop bothering him, do you continue? Vaginas have no magical powers to suspend reality. Your friend just has the typical passive agressive female mindset. They want their hypoagency to be everyone else's problem as well. Thus the college rape hysteria and "teach men not to xxx" bullshit.

ghebert001 · 2015-07-07T19:49:09+00:00

Women play hard to get and they want a guy who fights for them...yet at the same time they want guys to read minds and know the difference between "no means no" and "no means yes". Sorry ladies, can't have it both ways. Some guys are blatantly told NO and they will not quit because they think their persistance will eventually pay off. Women made their bed but they refuse to lie in it.

Title	Do men really don't know when to quit?
Author	mng20
Upvotes	18
Comments	19
Date	July 7, 2015 3:38 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/3cfpgm/do_men_really_dont_know_when_to_quit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/do-men-really-dont-know-when-to-quit.976008 https://theredarchive.com/post/976008

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