Girlfriend issues: how should i move forward?

jtaylor73003 · 2015-12-24T18:54:10+00:00

To honestly answer your question, no one is going to know. Your story by the nature of the internet is one sided so no one will know why she thinks you do these horrible things.

My advice, based on your story, leave her. Sounds like she is projecting her own shit on you. Plus you two seem too different. I don't see this relationship going to the next stage since your values are completely different.

SupremeAuthority · 2015-12-24T19:54:46+00:00

Drop her like a bag of dirt. Change your locks first.

synn89 · 2015-12-24T19:28:15+00:00

For a relationship to be worthwhile you should be happier in it than you would be alone. If all this crap is making it so you'd be happier alone, then just be alone.

But don't expect this relationship to improve any down the road. If anything it'll just get worse as more stressors pop up now and then(imagine if you guys had a kid).

aesopstortoise · 2015-12-24T20:27:14+00:00

On YouTube check out Terrence Popp for humour, Stefan Molyneux's Oestrogen Based Parasites video for analysis, more analysis from Diane Davidson (Feminism lol), Karen Straughan (GirlWritesWhat), Paul Elam, John The Other. Look at Dr Tara Palmatier's website (Shrink4Men), and yes, /r/TheRedPill for some (admittedly often cynical) theory and strategy.

It sounds like you are allowing yourself to be walked over. It won't stop unless you stop it. Remember later that everyone warned you that it would only get worse, when she falls pregnant/divorces you for alimony/destroys your reputation to your friends. She sounds as if she is flashing bright red warning lights of entitlement at you, so BE WARNED.

sharpandpointless · 2015-12-24T20:31:54+00:00

It seems to me that either

A) she's right: you do mistreat her, in which case continuing this relationship is not fair to her, or

B) she's frivolously claiming that you mistreat her in which case continuing the relationship is not fair to you.

secv808 · 2015-12-24T22:26:41+00:00

Do you really have to ask?

garglemesh42 · 2015-12-24T21:31:23+00:00

If she is making false accusations against you, start logging your )location at regular intervals, get one of those key fob video recorders, change the locks on your house, tell her you're done with her (record it and make sure there are witnesses that are your friends, then go get a restraining order.

Keep in mind that laws in your area may or may not allow you to record without notifying the other parties.

False allegations of abuse to your grandmother are a serious, relationship ending problem. She needs to be gone yesterday!

RVallant · 2015-12-25T06:14:58+00:00

Her being selfish.
Not necessarily unreasonable on your part.
Typical abusive behaviour on her part.
Ah, it becomes clearer: I'll go out on a limb here,

If you're with a person who has poorer intellectual capacity, they're likely to be just as poorly developed emotionally. They get upset when shit doesn't go their way, so they try and rationale a method to "present" their demands, it comes off the way she's doing it. Selfishly.

See above.
Sheltered, insecure.
Insecure.
Insecure.
Insecure, see point 4.

She sounds, entirely self-centred, self-absorbed, selfish, irrational and unable to process things on an intellectual or emotional level of an average human being.

I'll hold my hands up, and I'll say I'm being extremely damn harsh. But basically, all those points should be setting off alarm bells. This is not a person who appears to give a shit about you, or a person who is capable of processing how her actions impact on you.

She sounds, like a girl who has been brought up with the whole 'men can't feel shit' mentality, and her reactions to be challenged on that tends to be immature.

If I were you, I'd change your locks, ask for the key back, ditch her, get rid and find someone capable of actually being in an equal and loving relationship with you.

But if you really need convincing, re-read your own point 9. She basically has said you, a loving, decent boyfriend, abuse her... Fuck that.

lazernerd · 2015-12-24T21:22:14+00:00

You know yourself best, not us. Based on what I've read it seems you are a decent person who tries to recognize and correct any qualities about yourself which you think can be improved.

If you're able to say that you feel you her accusations are false after reflecting on your actions, and you've tried discussing it rationally with her, I'd say it's time to move on.

It only sounds like she's dragging you down. A person who makes those types of baseless accusations isn't worth having around in my opinion. Remember, you can find someone who makes you happy and is glad for who you are, not who they want you to be.

2015-12-24T19:20:19+00:00

/r/TheRedPill

cymrich · 2015-12-24T22:32:45+00:00

sounds like her expectations of your role are quite a bit different than yours. she seems overly demanding and nitpicking. honestly if you are being fully truthful in your description of the situation then it sounds like its time to cut her loose so she can find a "better" man that lives up to her expectations. you can probably find another girlfriend that is far more reasonable without too much trouble.

as others have said, if you do dump her, make sure to change the locks and if you do it in person make sure there is a witness (preferably a female so she can't just make accusations against both of you so easily). if legal in your area, you may want to record everything.

Wargame4life · 2015-12-24T23:12:44+00:00

personally assuming your account is valid and accurate i would reduce contact and see how she deals with it, i,e instead of seeing her 3 times a week see her once a week or whatever.

how she behaves in that period i would use to decided to dump her or not, if she doesn't respect my space and time to myself i would drop her.

life is too short to date some "project" people should make you feel better not worse.

it sounds like the more you move forward with her and the more your lives entangle the messier it will be if it comes to crunch time.

bear in mind that your position regarding logistic and time you should both be in the "Honeymoon period" since you are not spending enough time with each other to drive you both insane like a couple who live together etc.

looks bad from my perspective

derpylord143 · 2015-12-24T23:46:44+00:00

I have a few suggestions, firstly simply ignore her for a while, after messaging her why (then simply ignore any attempt by her at contacting you, if necessary change your locks). give it a good week, f during that time she does attempt to excessively invade your privacy, leave her, she clearly doesn't understand you, and your need to process emotions, and this will keep happening. on the other hand, if she respects it, attempt to talk to her, and explain that "i fail to see how i do any of the things you have said" and explain why, if she interrupts tell her that you will cease to talk to her unless she is quite while you talk... (its simple common courtesy), if she then can justify her claims, attempt to address the things she brings up for instance "you keep trying to make me have a job" or "you make me feel small for not having a good education" then for the first say "well i have no intention of supporting you for the rest of your life, thats not something im willing to do, we are supposed to be equal, so you need to be dong equal" and for the second "okay, i will stop doing this, i just thought it may make you more content in life and make getting jobs easier." - if she says she doesnt want a job refer to the past answer.

secondly, simply do what shes done to you back to her (making accusations) after the argument say "how do you like this sort of thing? its heartbreaking right? now do you understand how i feel when you do it to me..." especially considering at least some of them are true... it should make her more open to your position.

give her a typed version of this post as a letter and give her a day or two to read it before talking to her again, else she will be angry, and then talk to her about it (i suggest recording the talk - tell her as well to cover your own ass , if she refuses consent, refuse to talk- and when you post the letter, as well as keeping a copy of the letter for yourself).

leave her, if you dont think any other approach will fix it. - see here if the others fail

put up and deal with it. (i dont advocate this)

thegrimraeper · 2015-12-24T23:50:14+00:00

you sound like a cool dude. you deserve better than this.

if there is truth in how you have represented yourself, then you two are clearly not compatible and you should break up. even if you don't break up now, it's only a matter of time before you do. consider this a learning experience of the red flags to look out for in future potential relationships.

but the conclusion may not lie in your hands entirely if you wait too long. my thought is that she's gonna look to getting herself pregnant and entrap you. nothing against you, but if I were her friend and confidant I would suggest to her that she do this, as she has nothing else going on in her life.

EvilPundit · 2015-12-25T00:55:33+00:00

I think you should spend a few hours reading r/raisedbynarcissists. Then think about what, exactly, are you getting out of your relationship with this woman. And what she is likely to do if you try to leave, and the best ways to protect yourself.

Bananahelicopter · 2015-12-25T01:28:04+00:00

Wouldn't it be awesome to have a mate that trusts you, makes you laugh, you enjoy being around, doesn't berate you, can't wait to see, who has their shit together , is emotionally mature, is independent, doesn't lie about you abusing her, doesn't think your into CP, and your emotional equal in every aspect ?

THESE are the minimum requirements for me, and majority of people when it comes to a partner OP. Don't settle for anything less, and it's not your job to fix her. You want people with their shit together already when you meet them, no assembly required.

I ended it with a woman recently because she eventually had a problem with me not spending every single Friday and Saturday night with her. Mind you we also spent time together during the week, every week, 2, 3 nights. She had issues with the fact that I required one night alone, or with my male friends every third weekend or so. It was looking good in every other aspect of the relationship but this was one of my deal breakers, and I ended it with no regrets.

GenderNeutralLanguag · 2015-12-25T02:39:55+00:00

One could use your description of your girl friend and her "arguments" in a text book for what emotionally abusive girlfriends look like. From your description, this is what domestic abuse looks like.

End the relationship. End it yesterday. Change your locks. If she contacts you, apply for a restraining order. The TPO may look like over kill. It is not. It will take the "Protect the Wymonz" weight from behind any allegations she may make in retribution for being dumped.

ThePigmanAgain · 2015-12-24T22:37:14+00:00

Dump the cunt.

Title	Girlfriend issues: how should i move forward?
Author	MThrowawayCH
Upvotes	23
Comments	19
Date	December 24, 2015 5:41 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/3y3m23/girlfriend_issues_how_should_i_move_forward/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/girlfriend-issues-how-should-i-move-forward.964565 https://theredarchive.com/post/964565

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