I'am kinda new to the redpill, even if i heard about MGTOW some years ago i never dived into it, liked the idea nothing more.
I'am on the spectrum and i deal with other mental disorders leading me to take everyday neuroleptics and antidepressant . I went through a big phase of paranoia during covid leading me to psychiatry, from which i'am still recovering.
Speaking all that because it lead to the actual situation where i'am very isolated with no social life. I had a girlfriend with whom i thought it was serious during covid but she dumped me as soon as they reopened the nightclubs. I felt so betrayed i went into depressino and psychatry one more time..
Just after that i had another story with a woman who was just a friend but we had some private conversation together, she then outed my autism in public as well as many personal things i told her about myself. This woman was a feminist who worked for shelter protecting women, i might be wrong but i assume she would have treated me differently if i weren't a man. It devastated me but people around seemed to not care, i just had to suck it up and accept that it was not a big deal anyway.

After that the Ukraine war happened and i hear men are not allowed to leave the country i believe people will manifest and at least talk about it. But nothing happen... I waited few months but went back to it recently to found that not only feminist didnt care they actually support us being drafted to death since a hundred years back from the white feather story of the sufragette. That since beginning they never wanted equality but only priviledges at our own expense.
I feel depressed, i feel useless, i reconsider my masculinity, does masculinity means i am but a body without any dignity just meant to serve others? A body that dont have the right to feel any emotions of its own? A body that's just here to be sacrificed and to whom no one will have the slightest compassion when it will get torn appart and mutilated to death in some dark battelfield ? All that in a war that i have nothing to do with but somehow still responsible of it because i'am a man and "men starts wars".. so maybe even well deserved....

After all i red can i still trust women? I like to believe some are nice and not brainwashed yet by poisonous ideologies but even if i find the right one will i be able to fall and give her all my heart ?

Guess i'am too depressed right now have to process this a little more. Wondering if i should talk my psychologist about those issues but i'am afraid she might be a feminist, many in the field are, and it will be all ruined to me.